I’ve had my kids diagnosed but it was done in an interview manor. We started more extensive testing in Hawaii but moved before finishing. Both the doctor and the one who diagnosed them here agreed that Hannah and Levi have ASD. Now we are going through the extensive testing for an even further diagnoses. Just got Hannah’s done today and the results are…
She is in the 90- percentile range of Aspergers. She’s the second most extreme aspergers person that the testing Dr. has ever seen.
For those worried about “labels”, it is so important to know what you are dealing with so you can do so properly and effectively. Once you understand the person and the way they think you can change one label to another. For instance – Disability to Ability.
The doctor advised I continue to encourage Hannah in her passion which happened to be Manga rather than trying to find other interests for her for now. I may be able to help her find other interest in a few years but for now Hannah isn’t open to it and it will just agitate her and push her away.
I can’t help but remember what Prophet/Elder Howard Turner leader of United Fellowship House of Praise which started in San Diego then moved together to Camden, Arkansas said. He spoke over Hannah in private and in front of the whole church many times that she was demon possessed. When we were in that church she was just born to age 7. Good thing the New Testament was written cause the Old Testament says in Deuteronomy 18:20, ” But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die.”
For those who believe god will avenge or Karma and stuff like that, Elder Turner has physically suffered terribly including having toes amputate and having a stroke and so on and so much more. I believe he is currently on a kidney machine. None of that brings me joy, I’m just stating the facts. Sadly he hasn’t learned his lessons in life. He preached for many years that a stroke was a whoppin from the lord yet when he was asked about his own stroke he rebuked the person asking him and told him the lord showed him it wasn’t the same with him. I believe he said something about it being because of his bad eating habits. Sadly there are folks who can get plates full of their own medicine and still not admit the truth and allow it to make them a better person. It seems con-men are difficult to rehabilitate.
Another thing that comes to mind is the folks who have let me know or strongly hinted that if I gave my kids more whopping/spankings/beatings/what ever you wanna call it, then all their behavioral issues would magically be solved. Ok, they didn’t use the word magically. But that is the indication. I mean after all I was whooped as a kid by a mom that could have given whipping lessons. You know, I think she actually did at times. And yes, for the most part it worked for me. I really didn’t care for pain so I made sure to not do what ever it was again. However, there is the matter of my sister. She often got whoppins by my mom and her school principal several days in a row…or more for the same dang thing. I don’t think she was the problem, the adults were for cryin out loud. How hard was it to realize if your hitting a kid for the same thing day after day that maybe just maybe whoppins aren’t the thing to do after all. And shouldn’t it be common knowledge by now that what works for you may not actually work for everyone in the world? Sadly, many people still don’t understand that simple fact.
While I am on that subject… The Turners of UFHOP (the church I mentioned before) were all about beating children. Elder Turners wife also known as First Lady Marcia Turner found great joy in beating children. She even taught us to do it with a smile and to enjoy it though I could never master that and was often criticism by her not whooping my kids hard enough along with many other criticisms. She would often “take over” the punishment and show me and others how to properly whoop, more like beat, a child. Not just mine kids though but other kids in the church as well. Her method was to swing with the paddle up high and hit as hard as you can for a long time non stop. I believe the proper term for that is child abuse.
So, why did we put up with this for as long as we did? The easy answer would be to tell you to study cults and then you would likely understand. The most important thing to me in the whole wide world was to please the Lord Jesus Christ. My mom was cult pron and we were raised in a very cult like setting so being in one was natural to us. Elder Turner was good at what he did. Con-men usually are or they wouldn’t be called con-men. Days go by, years go by and you don’t realize how brain washed you have become. I am lucky to have certain events cause my eyes to fly wide open. It was horribly difficult and the regrets were raining down on me like a rain storm but I welcomed it. I hate making the same mistake twice, especially one that big and long, I had to go through every bit the regrets had to offer. After that I had to make up my mind to become bitter or better, and better was my choice.
Waking up to my “cult” life as hard as it was is worth every pain it caused me. One being I would have never divorced my husband because I was under their rule and it didn’t matter that I wasn’t allowed to have a life and a personality of my own. Actually they preferred it that way and made sure that any ideas I had of my own and any hint of my own personality was mentally strangled out of me. My then husband doesn’t like to be disagreed with, he called it arguing, and would cut me off and walk away then never allow that subject to come up again. I learned to not bring up certain subjects. It wasn’t hard cause my folks taught me that way of life as well. At the time staying in my marriage meant I could not be my own person.
During the separation time I had my girls see a councilor. Living in the same house as my soon to be ex was getting more and more difficult. I was falling into depression very rapidly. Naturally realizing I had been in a cult for twenty years added to it. I was raised that “saved” people don’t get depressed and also that depression meds opened the door to demonic oppression and even obsession. Going to a shrink was a huge no no. If you needed counseling you went to the pastor or one of the elders or mothers in the church. But everything I knew was up for question and I had gone from crying every night to every day as well. I didn’t want to put my friend through that so I told the doctor what was going on and got on meds and made an appointment to see a shrink. Thankfully the meds worked their wonder right away.
And so it was that I went to the psychologist and told her about my life. She told me it sounded like my husband has aspergers. She told me about how Bill Gates has aspergers and goes through social training to improve himself. Later while visiting my daughters councilor she also mentioned that my husband likely has aspergers with out knowing about what the psychologist had said. That got the gears turning in my head and I began to research aspergers. Sure enough it was like reading all about my husband, but not just him, Hannah and Levi were very much like what I was learning about. That was the beginning of my understanding of ASD and my children. I have told it before and will say it again. When I was challenged about telling my daughter she had aspergers, I asked her about it. She told me that before she knew she wondered what was wrong with her but now that she knows she feels much better.
Although it was hard to see her go through being bullied and losing friends as fast as she made them it was wonderful to see her develop ways to cope and last year with the help of her school council and vice principal gain self confidence. Her social skills are still very lacking but the doctor who just did the extensive testing said to let her be in that area for now because she has no interest in it. Hopefully in a few years she will develop a need to understand that she needs social skills to not only make friends but get and keep jobs as well.
After learning about aspergers and the divorce I was asked by a few people if I would have still divorced if I had understood that my husband likely has aspergers a while back. At the time it was all to fresh and I couldn’t answer the question because I really didn’t know. Now that a few years have gone by and I have learned to accept my hurt and be free to be angry I have been able to let things go and forgive and make my self a better person for it all. So now, I think it would have possibly saved my marriage if I had known. There are resources for people who are married to asd folks that help a lot. In the long run though it would still depend on wither or not he would be willing to better himself as well. We did go through marriage counseling and he made it clear he was not willing to change but would wait for me to come around. Would my being trained how to work with ASD people have helped me help him? I have no idea. As it is, I am happy to be out and away from that life and though I do not wish to live with my ex I do respect him and understand him better than I did before and wish him the best. My concern is for him to encourage his kids in bettering themselves so they can have a brighter future and for him to understand they need him around and that they are more important than money and paying bills.