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Archive for February, 2012

It was a very difficult couple of weeks. Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, it would do just that.

Retiring from the Military
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I’ve been divorced about three years now. My ex has had the child support cut automatically from his bank all this time. Now that he’s retired everything has changed. I wish there had been someone to tell him or even me about the difficulties retiring from the military would cause. It’s not just us, it’s common issues that happen to many military retirees and their families even ex’s.  He retired in California which apparently has the largest amount of military retiring so it takes them a very long time to process the new paperwork and start sending the checks.  Meanwhile I guess the former military member is expected to already have a good job in order to keep paying their bills and for their home. Actually, I don’t think they think about that sort of thing. It’s a shame too cause these people put their life on hold and on the line for our country for over twenty years and then instead of being well taken care of when they retire they can often end up in the poor house. You could judge them and say they should have saved up or gotten a job secured before getting out. And maybe you were in their shoes and did just that. But really, there are so many people who are not good at finances and are not able to secure a job and sometimes things happen that drain their savings. That doesn’t mean their hard earned retirement money should be kept from them for several months. That is just not fair, it’s not right and it needs to be dealt with.

Pic from google images.

What about the families who have to suffer along with the retiree? In my case I’m an ex, I have custody of our four children. I am supposed to be getting child support and I am supposed to receive a portion of his retirement. It’s not my fault that he doesn’t have several months of child support saved up while he waits on his check and it’s not our kids fault, but we get the whip lash of retirement right along side him.

He paid what he owed on child support at first. Of course he hadn’t made his preplanned trip to Jordan yet. The checks were late then they got later then finally he only paid half. We decided to start going through the local child support agency. I’ll go on about this in a moment but first more on retirement.

DFAS sent me a letter saying they needed a copy of my divorce decree even though they likely already have it, so I faxed it. Then they wrote and said they needed the marriage certificate so they could prove we had been married long enough, so I faxed that too. Then they wrote again saying they needed the amount I was supposed to receive from an official source so I re-faxed them the page on which the divorce decree has the formula written out. Then I received a letter saying I need to send the amount from an official document stating the amount, so I called. I just made that phone call today. The man told me that I have to call the Freedom of Info Act or get a lawyer to call for me and get my ex’s pay info and then take the info and the divorce decree and marriage cert. to a near by court house and have either a Clerk of Courts or a Judge make a clarified order and then fax that officially signed document to them. I called the Freedom of Info Act and got a mail box that was full. I’ll try again tomorrow.

Child Support
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I had tried to get the child support agency to handle things for us when I lived in Kalamazoo, Michigan and again when I lived in Springfield, Missouri. Both times they wanted me to call Hawaii and then the crazy run around thing would happen and I gave up.

So, here I was trying again in Chili, Wisconsin and this time with the help of the kids dad. We applied for CS in Wisconsin. I was told again I had to contact Hawaii CS. I called them and they told me that because we never went through CS there we didn’t have a case file and they had nothing to do with us so there was no need to go through them or even contact them. I informed my county of this and they attempted to proceed. DFAS, the department that handles the military finances, out of the blue took the next child support payment out of the kids dads check and sent him a letter stating that was what they were doing. The money never appeared anywhere so I began to call after hunting down the correct phone number. They like to keep that hidden. They told me they sent the money to Hawaii’s child support. I called Hawaii. Hawaii said they didn’t have it. I visited my local CS and they attempted to contact Hawaii as well but only got answering services or people who didn’t have answers. I made many many more phone calls and many visits to my local CS to no avail. Finally I got ahold of a lady with Hawaii’s CS and she informed me that they did indeed have the money right after telling me they didn’t. Then she explained that I would need to open a case file with them before the money could be released either to me or to my local CS. So I did just that. Naturally, it’s never that easy. I had to send a few faxes with “missing” information first.  After getting all the info to them she informed me of more complications and suggested I tell them to tell accounting to send the money back to DFAS and then have the kids dad retrieve it from them. So I did and informed my ex. He made some calls and learned DFAS didn’t allow that and the money would still be with Hawaii. I did receive a letter from Hawaii with my case info so my next step is to once again call Hawaii. Yes, I still do not have that money at this point.

Meanwhile
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So, last month I had to make that dreadful call to my landlady and tell her I didn’t know when I would be able to pay my rent. She and her brother own this house they inherited from their Grandpa who built it. They are still paying a mortgage on it. I explained that my ex hadn’t paid half his child support yet and that he told me he would pay it when he got his income tax back. I also told her I was looking into getting housing assistance to help and was waiting on the child support the military had taken but sadly I couldn’t pin-point a date when any money would actually be in my hand.She told me her mortgage was due by the 10th and I told her that a soon as I got any money she would be on the top of my priority list and I would get the rent to her.

Later my ex informed me that she has called his parents and went on about him not being responsible. His mom laid into her about how her son paid his child support faithfully every month and told her an untrue and much higher amount that he pays and how I took a trip to Michigan and so on. My ex felt bad about this and told me it would be ok with him if I gave my landlady his number and he could try to set some things straight which I did and she did call him.  When ever she talked to me, pretty much everyday for a few days, she would ask me the same questions at least three times each. I felt bad enough not paying her what I promised but gosh, after being asked the same set of questions over and over again I began to feel harassed.

Emotionally speaking…
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I did very well emotionally for a while. Sure, it was difficult but I was not letting it get to me. I believe I shut off some of my emotions so I could cope and not fall apart. During this time my boyfriend had his own issues and stopped talking to me for a little while. I didn’t handle that so well. I wouldn’t have handled it well anyway but already going through hell made it that much worse. Men apparently do that, they all do, or all the men I’ve ever dated. When they have a hard time they stop communicating. Then when they are better they act like nothing ever happened and it drives me nuts. And that’s the way the cookie crumbles. lol

found pic at- http://graphicriver.net/item/happy-robot/153274

 Rent resolved
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My boyfriend got his income tax back and offered to loan me enough for rent and my daughters birthday etc. I was able to pay rent on the ninth, a day before my landlady said she needed to pay her mortgage. I didn’t have much to say to her and I won’t talk to my ex-in laws. I will let it go one of these days but I have enough to deal with right now and I don’t feel like listening to my ex’s mom go on about what happened. When my ex got his income taxes back he paid me the money he owed which I sent to my boyfriend and he paid me half for the current month.

And, that’s not all…
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During all this I have been seeing a doctor about my stomach pains. The med. doctor came to one conclusion, the OBGYN came to anothe,r then gasto. doctor came to another conclusion. The gasto doc believes it could be just stress, but has me scheduled to have a scope stuck down my throat to be sure. The other two doctors think it’s my gall bladder but the gastro doc gets to play with my body first.

pic found on google images

I also had a mammogram. It was my very first one. I’m 41 so I’m really a year late on having this done. I remember thinking while getting ready to have pics taken of the inside of my boobs how nice it is that at least my breast are fine.

Then, I got a call back…

To be continued…

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I was intrigued by SoulPancakes special called Chatterbox today on Super Soul Sunday on OWN.

If you are not familiar with it it is a “short” done in the middle of the long inspirational Sunday show. Today they made a large box of balls to sit in in a public area with a sign inviting people to sit for a while and get to know a stranger. They also placed larger ball in the ball pit with conversation suggestions and questions.

You could see a bit of awkwardness on most of the peoples faces and it was beautiful to see it fade away after they discussed some of the notes written on the balls and find common ground and new friendship.

I have moved around a lot and have experienced how difficult it is to make friends. I don’t just sit around and complain that friends don’t come to me out of the blue or drop from heaven into my lap, I actually actively try and it is still crazy hard.

I’m getting the impression people in general do not want to make new friends. I believe many have their circle of friends and family around them and by making room for new friends they may have to adjust something or they could be making a mistake and become uncomfortable for a while so why try in the first place.

Oh, people can be friendly alright, but it’s a temporary friendliness, not a lasting endeavor.

I have joined groups and been to churches and such only to find very nice people who have nothing to do with me except when it’s meeting time. When I don’t show up and don’t leave an explanation on their FB page or e-mail them as to why, they never ask. I even joined online meet up groups but they always meet at 7pm and I have kids that I need to put to bed so that is not something I can actually do. I understand the time is so late cause of peoples working schedules.

I’ve thought of starting a group myself and may one day do just that but at this time being the new person in town and getting my own family adjusted is difficult enough.

I have very good friends who are family to me that I recently moved away from. I have watched people come and go in their life as well. I’m amazed at how judgmental and self absorbed people are to the point they don’t recognize a potential good friend and they just walk away. Again, I think it has a lot to do with not wanting to put out the effort.  Some of it has to do with people being bitter and some people not being able to accept those who are different from them themselves. I think of all the love and acceptance people are missing out on by being to busy or to judgmental to peruse a friendship with not only myself but the few good friends I have scattered around the globe. Maybe it’s because the good friends I have are not shallow and  shallow is often what people are drawn to cause it doesn’t appear to take any effort.

Another ironic thing is the ever present  Murphy’s Law. We do tend to make friends the week or so prior to moving. Sigh! I’m thankful to have FaceBook help me keep in touch with them and then there’s texting too.

I won’t give up trying to make friends in my area. If I learn any repeatable tricks I’ll be sure to share them. I hope that we can all become more tolerant and forgiving and not afraid to meet new people and give them a chance. You never know what you may be missing!

Here is the link to the SoulPancake video – http://www.oprah.com/own-super-soul-sunday/SoulPancake-Chatterbox-Video.

As always, I would love for you to comment with your opinion and please share about your experiences.

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Watch the Trailer for Lost in Woonsocket at-

http://www.oprah.com/own-super-soul-sunday/Watch-the-Lost-in-Woonsocket-Trailer-Video

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I watched this film on OWN today and was quite impressed with it.

It’s a documentary about two men reaching out to help two other men who would be deemed as lost, hopeless and worthless by society.

The two men have been going out finding strangers to help although they themselves do not have a lot of money. Their goal was actually to connect people. To find others who they could introduce the person they want to help and have others put out the funds or resources to accomplish what was needed. Somewhere along the line someone heard about them and gave them a film and production crew and made a reality show out of their adventures.

It was during this time that they came across the two men who would later be featured in their film. The show ran I believe for a season or so and then was canceled. Later a few of them got back together to help one of the men out and then to make the film.

It’s a beautiful documentary full of hope. Not everything works out like a fairy tale but not every thing fails either.

I did a lot of helping the street people ministry growing up and my mom often took in random people from time to time. The film brough back a lot of memories. I wish my dad was around to see this film, I believe it would really have touched him. I remember watching him try to help homeless folks and pouring his heart out to them. He had a troubled youth and young adult life and related in many ways and really cared.

I couldn’t help but hear the expression “pass it forward” in my mind as the film progressed and sure enough one of the men who was being helped used the expression and is doing it with all his heart. When the film first started he seemed the most hopeless so it was so beautiful and touching to see that after six years he is still passing it forward.

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I’m watching Super Soul Sunday on Own and Oprah is talking with Daniel Pink who wrote A Whole New Mind. As always with Oprah, it’s makes one think. I went to her FaceBook site and respond to a post along with many other people and here is what I commented.

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I’m just watching it now. I had the DVR go to the beginning for me. Started loving it from the beginning. I’ve been saying now for a while that autism and aspergers (not including the co-symptoms) are the next link in evolution. I’ve also believed we are currently entering a new area, not necessarily the asd (autism spectrum) one cause that takes time to adjust and work out the kinks, but a new area where we won’t be ruled by religion anymore. I’m seeing that we may not necessarily throw religion out, well some will, but more like instead of rigidly being ruled by it will become a part of how we better ourselves, strengthen, cope and get along with the world and what the universe is opening up to us. More of a tool to build rather than tear down and dominate.

Now this right-brained concept I am hearing about on Super Soul Sunday really fits in to me. My sister has a very high IQ and my dad and others often compared me to her. He was more like me in his creative “street smart” type thinking and it’s no joke that when I was a kid and a teen if you didn’t have a high IQ you were considered not smart and not really of much value and would likely fail. He felt like a failure and feared for me and wanted to save me from disappointment so he made sure to let me know how not smart I was and that I should’nt have very big goals. Naturally it set me back. But I aint dead! I’m 41 now and a single mom of four little ones and there isn’t a lot I can do as far as a big time job or school, yet. But I have plans and I will rise up from the ashes and prove my worth. Not cause I feel the need to or even want to show them how wrong they all were, but simply because I want to and I feel destiny pulling at me.

I love that the world has turned toward accepting right-brained thinkers and not only appreciate them but that they are becoming a force that will change the world. Personally since I’ve had time to get to know myself better the last three years without others telling me who I am I have learned I am actually more of a middle brained thinker.

Sorry for any typos, I’m using my kids notebook computer.

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I want to be validated! I want a legacy. I want to live up to the best that I am possibly able. And, I will!

This is a pic I took of my son Kyle a few years ago when we lived in Hawaii.

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Here is the link to me singing the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkdeITjLr0M&feature=youtu.be

This is a song I wrote 2/20/12 called When Summer Comes

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When summer comes it will be so nice
I’ll be able to hang my clothes out on the line
When summer comes I won’t be so blue
Cause baby you know I’ll be holdin you

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It seems like it’s been so cold so long
I’m tired of singin these depressing songs
I wanna change my meloncoly tune
To cheerful songs ’bout me and you

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The flowers bloom the fields are green
The trees alive swayin in the breeze
You and me walkin side by side
Holdin hands and makin love all night

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When summer comes it will be so nice
We’ll be lookin into each others eyes

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