Archive for March, 2012

The promised continuation!

Well, I said I would continue this blog –


– So, here goes!

Maybe it was “all in my head”. Now that I have a happy goal insight, as in uniting with my boyfriend and family, and it’s actually working out really well, I have not had many issues with my stomach. Not that I won’t be cautious but it’s nice not being in pain. I’ve temporary given up on the doctors for two reasons. One is because the latest test they want to do required I get a ride to and from the hospital and requires I have someone get the kids from school. There just isn’t anyone here to do that. The other reason is I just feel like I’m being given the run around with them. But mostly the first reason. Now my time here in Wisconsin is closing rapidly so I’ll see how things go and what needs to be done once I settle in to the new place later.

The Biopsy!

Oh my! I can’t say I wasn’t warned. My mom, Shirley, did try. The folks at the med center gave me a brochure to read about the vacuum procedure and they back it up by telling me it was a much better simpler procedure then they used to do. They told me it was a smaller needle and all this lovely stuff. I also felt it would be better to check on things just in case. What the med. center people didn’t tell me was that I needed to get some one to help me with the kids that night after the procedure because I was gonna be so much pain I wouldn’t be able to move at times. But yeah, they left that out.

It started with the local, then the “small “needle. That wasn’t so bad. But then the doctor would shake my boob really fast and hard for a moment which was very uncomfortable. He’d then look around in the sonogram and use the vacuum thing and then repeat the shaking and so on over and over again. The worst part other than the shaking was my arm that was stretched over my head so it would be out-of-the-way. Now that did hurt, but my boob was numb so what I felt there was just some discomfort.

You know, I have a heart fibrillation. The doctors I saw in Springfield never warned me about not taking things like birth control and products with ibuprofen. I think it’s odd they left that important info out. My kids grandparents were surprised I was’nt prescribed any meds or aspirin type things. I really felt that cause I didn’t have my own insurance they just did what was required and kicked me out the door.  The doctors here let me know I may need to take a non ibuprofen type pain med when the numbing wore off  and not to lift any heavy object with my right arm for several days. That’s about it.

That Night!

Ouch! The pain was pretty intense. Putting my kids to bed turned into a nightmare. I had to stop and lay down about every ten minutes or less or just stop and freeze in place for a while. The nurse told me it would be better to wear a bra for a while to help support the boob and she was right about that. I even slept with it on. Later it would be better without, well, a back and forth type thing. Then even later after that with out was best to the point I still hate bras. lol My right boob turned purple, first on the opposite side of where the needle had been. Then a bruise formed where the needle was than it went purple than pretty much every thing turned purple and lumpy and hard. I became aggressively protective of my precious aching purple boob. When the kids even looked like they may bump into me I would throw up protective hands over it and tell them to back off like a dog whose food has been threatened. They were cool with that. I find when you tell your kids a bit about what is going on though they may forget they do understand. So my barking at them didn’t upset them, just made them back off and turn the careful mode on, for a few moments anyway. That night, while still trying to get the kids in bed, I remember laying down and moaning at Hannah that I didn’t want to be any more understanding through experience than I already was. No, it wasn’t moaning, it was more like whining.

The kids eventually did go to bed and fall asleep. The next day the intense pain was gone. I remained sore and terribly bruised for a few weeks after. Right now the bruising is gone but there are still some hard sore areas left near the nipple.

This is a pic of some the the purple taken before it got worse looking.

What were the results? Oh yeah, about that, the results all came out fine. There is no cancer there.  Sweet! I feel for those whose results didn’t come out good. It just means more torture from what I’ve heard. The whole time I thought of my kids Grandma who has been through it many times, done chemo and had a breast removed. OMG,  how awful, it hurts to think about what she’s been through along with others. So, I take back my whining, now that I’m not in pain. I am grateful to have a tad bit better understanding of what others go through without having to go all the way. I am grateful to add to my empathy. I still think the med center people should have warned me so I could have at least tried to get help that night or have been more mentally prepared for doing it myself though.


Found this pic on google search.

Time to update that situation. DFAS is still garnishing half of the child support from my ex and sending it to Hawaii Child Support who is still refusing to give it to me for reasons they keep adding to and making promises they keep breaking. The other day I got a hold of a Hawaii congresswoman’s office and let them know what was going on in hopes she can help.  My info was taken down and a release form emailed to me to fill out and send back so they can look into it. It’s the weekend and I have no blank paper so I will pick some up and send it back asap.

As far as my retirement, the new thing they want now is a clarification order from the judge or clerk of courts. The DFAS person who told me they needed this said I could get it from any local court anywhere. Truth is, courts won’t touch an official document that didn’t come from them. So, only Hawaii can do that for me. Getting the right person on the phone in Hawaii is tricky. For one thing they are five hours behind me and they always take their lunch breaks.  I have to time my calls just right or it’s all answering machines who let you know they will not return a long distance call. I finally got a real person yesterday and he said he was going to connect me to the person who would take care of my need. I told him I was concerned about the none-long distance call back thing and he assured me that the office he was connecting me to had the ability to do long distance call unlike his. Guess what that answering machine said? Yep, and I didn’t get a call back eve though I left a message regardless. Gonna have to go at it again Monday and hope I land the timing just right.

Thankfully my ex has been paying me the child support half that the gov. isn’t garnishing. I don’t know why they felt the need to garnish and since they did why it wasn’t all of it but I’m glad cause if they did we’d be up a much worse creek then we already have been. We get some disability help due to the kids with ASD so that helps too. However, between half the CS and the SS it is still questionable as to wither we will make rent and if we pay rent then how to pay other bills and food and necessities and such. Chuck and I talked about this and decided that instead of moving in with him this summer we’d up the date to Spring Break.

Image found on google search.

The closer the moving date gets the more I feel this is a really good decisions. Not just financially, I have learned there is never a guarantee there and not to get ones hope up. But what is good for the kids and I and Chuck and his kids. So, we’ll be leaving the beautiful farm-house behind. Sure, I’ll miss the open space but I won’t miss not having any friends I can hang out with in person. As far as beauty, Grand Haven is right on Lake Michigan. You can expect a ton more pictures posted on my FB, that’s for sure. And more crazy fun videos too. There will be difficulties cause that’s how life is, you can’t escape the inevitable, but you can change the way you see things.  I get a strong feeling of moving along the path that I am supposed to. I think of that new series called Touch and how it’s about connections that are destined to happen one way or another. Hannah has a reoccurring dream about me sitting next to a guy. She’s had it since we lived in Hawaii. She had it again the other day and while telling me about the dream realized it was Chuck that she has been seeing for a few years now. I think that’s pretty cool. Hannah likes to smile at me sideways and tell me she “approves” finally, that unlike the other boyfriends I’ve had, she likes Chuck and is ok with him.

Well, the Wisconsin chapter of my life was short. I don’t have regrets about coming here, I’m glad we did. The kids and I can’t look back and say I didn’t try. It was important to give it our best and give their dad and grandparents here a chance. Naturally now that we are about to leave their dad has been coming over to spend time with them before they go. If one day he finds it important, he knows where we will be and can always move there.


I was waiting on a photo I wanted to post with this, which I still haven’t received, before publishing. However, I just got a new update today which is 3/28/12.

Regarding the retirement I am supposed to be receiving, I had called the Hawaii court house and left another message telling them how difficult it was to get ahold of them and how important it was to me. To my surprise they actually returned my call today.

I went over the problem and what DFAS needed from them again. The lady informed me that they could not help me and I needed to get an attorney.


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Levi funnies

3/25/12 – age 9
I posted this account on my FaceBook –

So, when you tell an autistic child at the market that the apples are down further, expect them to bend over. Yeah, that happened, I kept saying, “no down” and pointing but Levi kept leaning further and further down, toward the ground looking intently. It was too cute and funny.


I am copying Levi stories from another blog on here and transferring them onto this one.



Discussion between my son and I in the car. Levi is 8 years old at this time.

Levi  – Mom, you know, um that guy, uh, Santa. Why does Santa’s Nanny get more presents than any one else?

Mom – Who told you that?

Levi – NO MOM! IT THE TRUTH! They are real, they are still alive!

Mom – Ok! But who did you hear it from?

Levi – No one. I had it in my head. So why does Santa’s Nanny get more Presents?

Mom – I don’t know. Why?

Levi – I don’t know.

Later Grandma Shirley asked Levi to tell her about Santa’s Nannie. His only reply was, “I think she’s a girl.”


The doctor asked Levi if he liked his new school. He didn’t reply. She asked him if it was good or bad. He replied that it was good and bad . Then she asked him what was good about it, he said, “yes’. She asked again what was good about it and he replied, “yep”. She gave up and asked what was bad about it. Then he went into a more descriptive answer.


We were in the car talking while the radio played Tonight by Enrique Iglesias. as usual there was more than one kids talking at a time but I heard Levi when he said in a lower serious tone, “he said I was pretty” I asked him what he said and he repeated in the same tone, “he said I’m pretty.” “Who said it?” I asked. Then the other kids all let me know, it was Enrique Iglesias in his song. lol That little twerp! Levi got me this time!


Levi was talking in his sleep last night and said, “Know what I like to do with my mom? I like to give her a hug. Yeah, that’s what I do I give her hugs.”


3/25/12 age 9

About a week or so ago Levi informed me he wasn’t allowed to say “sexy” at school. I then wanted to know the story behind how he found that out. He told me some boys were talking with him and one said his brother was popular. Levi responded by saying, “Well I’m sexy.”  I’m sure the group LMFAO had a lot to do with that lovely addition to his vocabulary. I was glad to hear Levi didn’t get in trouble, just informed of school rules.


We went to Deeply Rooted for Mabon. Well, four of us did, Levi stayed with his dad.  After ritual Wade informed everyone that they could chose a gift from the blanket. He does this every Mabon and keeps nick-nacks and various items he finds for the event.  Kyle was very happy to pick out a small treasure chest. He was allowed to get a few more items so he chose some glass jewels that he proudly placed in his treasure chest.  He then went around asking people, “Do you wanna see my jewels?”


Kara was going through her thing looking for stuff to get rid of. She handed me several pairs of pants and stuff then she handed me her Bratz Doll. it’s a baby doll type, not the Barbie doll kind. I told her i was gonna see if the boys wanted it partly to be funny. though if they did want it I’m cool with that.  So I showed it to Kyle who immediately went into a karate stance and started acting like he was gonna punch stuff.  Then as he turned to leave he added, “Well, it is kinda cute so you shouldn’t get rid of it.”


DSCF2123Kyle and his 2nd grade teacher.

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“Say what?” You may say, “Oh no, not me. I would never!” But I bet you have and I can prove it.

Have you ever sang a song? Recited a poem? If your answer is yes, well then there you are, a spell caster after all.

Two people can hear the same song at the same time and both have different responses. For one person it may bring up hurtful memories and cause them to be sad and even cry. For the other person it may bring up things they have gotten over and may cause feelings of peace and bring up the good memories. It all depends on the state of the hearer. Another person may just block the song out entirely and will not be affected in any way.  The same with a poem. A spell is an energy release that causes an effect, but can also be blocked. Songs, poems and some words and sentences are an energy cast by the speaker. How you receive it is after all up to you.

I’ve heard people say, and I’ve said it myself, that they could feel something wrong when they heard some one or a band sing and at other times said how blessed they felt after hearing a piece of music.  The person singing or speaking will emit their feeling through the music and lyrics and the hearer will translate it through their feelings. It’s all quite spell binding, pun intended.

When you react out of anger and hurt and say mean and cruel things it’s no different from what some call a hex or a curse. You are throwing out negative harmful energy. When someone is tossing such things around if you don’t block it you will be negatively affected by it. You might respond by moping, going into depression, becoming angry, and even tossing a hex or two or more right back at the person and even the innocent around you, maybe even your kids. It can make quite a mess and the negative energy can become that pebble in the water effect causing a tsunami. That’s when a better spell is much-needed, a positive word, the great spell word “Sorry” is usually a good starter. Admitting what you’ve done is a great hex show stopper. But don’t stay there, what you did was negative so then it’s time to delve into the positive and go from there creating a brighter loving world around you.

As far as others casting a hex, throwing out mean bitter words or singing from an ugly place, you can block it, you don’t have to receive it and you can help those around you as well. Some times you can warn them or defuse it with positive words or even mentally surround them with what some may call the holy spirit, white light, positive thoughts, … you know that sort of thing.

I will sometimes write negative things when I am really down, it’s my own personally spell working you could say. Punching a pillow, yelling at the sky, kicking the bed and other stuff doesn’t really do it for me. Writing pulls that negativity out of me. Once I have written it doesn’t mean I am all hunky dory but it means I can start moving on effectively.  Strong emotions make great stories, songs, lyrics and poems so I also feel it’s a waste not to write it out. lol What about the people who read my “negative” writtings? Well, again that depends on the reader. Some people will be offended and some may feel sorry for me. I don’t care for either of those responses but I can’t control how someone reads and hears something. Besides writing to help myself, I also write for those who are or have been in a similar place as me and need to know they are not alone and that there’s hope. I have often found comfort and was able to overcome things by reading or hearing others stories who have been through similar trials as I have and I so appreciated that they took the time to express themselves for others and didn’t feel it was too personal. There is nothing new under the sun indeed, someone somewhere has been there before you, at the same time as you, and will go there after you. Knowing you are not alone is so encouraging and can help one to go on to better things. So, where as for some people my writings may cause a negative spell effect for others it is a very helpful positive one. I know as far as myself, my heart is in the right place.

We should all be more aware of what we put out, what attitude is behind what we say, how we affect others and how we are affecting ourselves. Words and actions are their own form of spells. Make your spells one of healing and love and catch yourself when they are not and fix it. And remember, you do not have to receive anything negative. Everyone has the power to block a hex, a negative word, an “ugly” attitude. The blame or the blessing originates with you.

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I Saw The Rose
by Lori Revels


I saw the rose
I reached out to it
but the road was too long
and the way was frightening


I turned my head
to the left, to the right
I looked back
with no hope in sight


A step I took
toward the rose
then I noticed
it too took a step closer to me


Forward I moved
my eyes glued
to the goal, to my rose
for love I can do it


We traveled together
yet so far apart
our eyes locked
tied by the heart


Through peril
through danger
through obstacles
we blocked doubt out


We touched
first our finger tips
with the palm of my hand
I felt the rose silk


Our sweet embrace
so long-awaited
we melted together
our hearts locked and sang


A love song
one full of trials
of fears overcome
the melody of success


I saw the rose
inside of me
I felt the warm touch
of love eternally


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Well, we were all excited about this one when they first started advertising it. As usual with me, I was bummed that it was gonna be force-fed on us with 3D but regardless I couldn’t wait to see it. They did seem to actually make use of the 3D part which was considerate since most cinemas charge a much bigger price when the glasses are part of the deal.

The movie started out cheesy. They made some changes to the history established in the first movie which I didn’t mind so much but the cheesy lines and some of the action was leaning towards B grade. Thankfully as the movie progressed so did the lines and the action. It redeemed it’s self and was a great watch and had a wonderful ending!

I am glad I did not take my boys to see it. They are young and will likely enjoy it on DVD but it would have freaked them out on the big screen.

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The trailer looked intriguing and held up it’s end of the bargain. The suspense was good and not overdone or annoying.

Amanda Seyfried, who also stared in Momma Mia and Red Ridding Hood, once again used her eyes to charm in their haunting way. She did a wonderful job of playing the leading role of Jill, a woman considered unstable who searches for her sister whom she believes is kidnapped by the same man who kidnapped her.

I enjoyed the movie from beginning to end.

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I believe some people may feel this movie is a bit too over the top. Humm, thus the name – Impossible. So really, with a name like that they are bound to make it over the top. And that they did quite well.

I love it, it was fast, full of action and fun. There was no shortage of stunts either.

Now that the James Bond movies have tired of the gadgets and gone all serious and taken the womanizer out of Bond we’ll just have to hope more Mission Impossible’s come out for us to enjoy.

The Indian scenery was absolutely wonderful. I can’t wait to go there.  I was thrilled my friend Vinod got to see Tom Cruz as he was leaving a hotel. Sweet!


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