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Archive for September, 2014

Stephan Dimmick on being optamistic Sept 25  2014

It seems when someone is on the optimistic side people forget they are also human and that there is nothing wrong with them showing negative emotions once in a while. They don’t realize that if you never vented, never expressed what was bothering you when you felt wronged, and so on, then you would start losing your optimism because all the negativity would build up inside you and start destroying you from within.

I was known for being quiet and well behaved most my life. My mom liked labeling me a peace maker. Sounds like a nice thing but something always struck a bad cord when I would hear her say it. I pretty much stayed that way till I was 38.

I had a few life altering events take place and I made some major changes. One big multilayer one was finding out who the hell I was, getting a voice, accepting the negative parts of me, and not being manipulated by people who desperately wanted me to stay the well behaved peace maker.

Though I wanted to be Ms. Wonderful like people thought I was, it wasn’t real, I was just not making waves and not getting into trouble. In reality I could be very negative but I kept it all inside where it was eating me up. I didn’t know how else to be because even the folks who told me I shouldn’t do that would shame me when I tried to be real and release the frustration.

Becoming me really disappointed some folks for a while. It took me years to become a positive person. (For real this time.) But I believe I would still be trying to be positive if I hadn’t given myself permission to vent, to be ok with getting angry and so on.

Funny thing now is even though I am now a positive person I still upset people. Likely because I speak my mind and I’m not affected by their manipulation moves anymore. People want you to be their positive happy joy joy shinning star and never have a negative thing to say. But, if you did that you wouldn’t be their shining star cause it would destroy you.

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About two or so nights ago I dreamed of the “perfect man”. Sorry to disappoint you but it wasn’t actually a very sexual dream, that I can remember anyway. What I do remember was laying next to him staring at him in aw and being so grateful that I finally had the perfect guy for me.

Upon waking from the dream I had a WWLLS (What would Lauri Loewenberg say?). If I remembered right dreaming of a lover or partner usually was some insight to ones own self. And then it hit me, Wow! I have finally accepted myself and love myself deep down inside of myself. How awesome is that! It’s been a long rough journey, but I made it and now, here I am! I’m not saying there won’t be days I struggle, I am, after all, human. But I have learned that to struggle is human and it’s ok, I’ll get through it, cause that’s what I do.

When contemplating the dream I also wondered what I had been doing or thinking about the day before. I then remembered that my framily mom Shirley (framily meaning friends that are like family) had written a post about what she was praying for different people and I was on that list. Her prayer for me was, “.… And I pray that Lori K. Hobbs, my daughter, find the happiness she is looking for. …” Shirley and her daughter and grandsons have been in our lives for years now. They have been there for us through thick and thin. We have been there too for them, when they allowed it. Though they may not care for the fact that I was a pagan and now an an atheist, they still love me and I still love them. However, over the last year or so Shirley has become the kind of religious person I was when I was in a cult. So I understand that being tolerant of my extreme belief difference has likely been progressively more difficult for her. Although I know she has virtually watched me go through hell and the journey out of it and trying to find my place in the world I also know that the contentment I have found as an atheist is not acceptable to her and can not be accepted as a good place to be in. So, when she posted that prayer I partly thought it could be because she has known about my mental journey to wholeness but I also felt that no matter how well I am doing, she simply won’t believe it because it isn’t a life under the Lord Jesus Christ or better yet his better more original name, Yeshua. Still I commented and said, “Hey mom! I am quite happy and I’m happy about it! I don’t think I’ve ever felt so content and happy as I do at this time of my life. XO”

I have often stopped and took a personal “inventory” of myself. How was I? What did I need to do to improve? And so on. I hadn’t done that in a while so when I checked myself and wrote that comment it was wonderful to realize how good I was doing. And then that night I had that dream! For those who don’t know, dreams tell you what your mind knows deep inside. Often we are too noisy wither aloud or just in our heads that we don’t even know what we know. Sleep calms us enough for our minds to work things out and let us know what needs attention and so on.

Last night I had another interesting dream. Just so you know first, Elder Howard Turner is the leader of United Fellowship House of Praise, the church I call the cult I was in. Elder is not his name but the title he went by even though he claimed to be a prophet. I dreamed he was sitting at a small table for two. The table was against a wall. There was another person in the chair across from him. It may have been my mom but I don’t remember for sure. We, as in him and several other people, mostly the children from the cult when I was in it, had gone through some trial thing. He failed and was going to die shortly. I stood at the table taking with the other person chatting for a bit but then I need to go somewhere. I walked over to Elder Turner and gave him a hug while whispering in his ear, “I wish you a wonderful journey.” He looked shocked as I walked away and the other person was curious to know what I had said.

I woke right after that. It took me a moment to realize how incredibly odd that was. I haven’t been willing to forgive Elder Turner. Sometimes I just wanted to run a knife into his heart and watch him die. I don’t believe I could actually really do such a thing, I have a pretty good conscience and it would stop me, no doubt. But sometimes I felt very hurt and angry at him and his wife for the time they stole from me and how they made me feel and so much more. So I found it curious, why I had a dream where I hugged him and wished him well?

I’ve made a new local friend and asked her if she wanted to go to the UU church with me. She agreed so I got up this fine chilly Sunday morning, got ready, picked her up and then headed off to church. The sermon was on forgiveness, of course! While sitting there trying to listen, (I have trouble listening when the same person talks for a long time.), I did a self check. Did I really forgive Elder Turner and not realize it. So then I asked myself, “Do I want to drive a knife through his chest?” and the answer was a simple “no”. It is so nice to realize the freedom one has given themselves. Talk about a weight off ones shoulders. It really is a good feeling. He was pretty much the last of the people I needed to forgive from my past. It just amazes me cause I really wasn’t working on it.

At church and even over the last few days I’ve had people tell me what a very positive person I am. I couldn’t deny it, I am very positive. But it’s odd to hear and accept the complement since I know myself and were I’ve been. About a year and a half ago I let myself give in to negativity. It was a way of protecting myself, making myself ready for anything bad to happen so I wouldn’t be so affected by it and tossed into depression. But negativity can be difficult to escape from. When I was a Christian I was introduced to the film called The Secret. It didn’t take me long to judge it demonic and of the devil. Since then I realized my judgment was incorrect but I still didn’t watch the movie or read the book. So when I realized how stuck I was in my negative virtual swamp I decided I needed to something on the radical side to help me out so I decided to read that book. I found it right away at the Goodwill, apparently that’s not uncommon. Wither that book is based on real science or not (it’s not), it did what I needed it to do. It helped me to start seeing things through a positive outlook. It was like a helping hand pulling me out of the muck. I was able to move on and improve after that.

For me improvement is a forever ongoing thing. I won’t stop and just become satisfied with what I have and where I am and how I feel. Not that it’s bad to do that, it’s fine for many folks, but it’s not me. I will, however, be satisfied with my movement and my changing and my constant learning. I’m just not a hold still kind of gal and I’m satisfied with that because that is who I am and what I’m good at. I can still protect myself with positivity. Actually I can protect myself more efficiently that way. It’s hard to understand that when you’re used to being negative but negativity actually ends up making things worse and can end up taking you out. (Not to dinner, but to sickness and even death. Just thought I’d make that clear.)

Another thing I realized I came to terms with was my fear of getting old. Not that I am happy about it so to speak, but I no longer see it as the end of all things fun. For a long time I was disappointed that there were so many things I wanted to do and experience but couldn’t because I had children to take care of twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred and sixty five days a year. I love my kids but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a break once in a while and for a long time I had no break. Actually the few breaks I got were due to Shirley’s family’s kindness. The kids dad has been helpful for the last year and a half now. He takes the boys most weekends and more recently started taking the girls now and then for a few hours (without the boys). I had also thought how nice it would be to be “rich” cause then I could do stuff with the kids. I just couldn’t see myself having a life after the kids grew up because I would be old. It was very important to me because I didn’t have a say over my life for my twenties and most of my thirties. I wanted to experience the life I wasn’t allowed to have. Somehow my brain has finally over come that negative way of thinking and I’ve accepted the realization that after the kids grow up I could actually still have a “life”. There will still be many things I can enjoy. Gaining that understanding has been a burden release as well. There is life after kids!
One of the things I tell folks stuck in negativity is to start filling themselves with positive thoughts by watching and reading positive things. Read self help books like The Vagina Monologues and The Secret and even positive helpful stories of hope like Eboo Patels book called Acts of Faith and Eat Pray Love and so on. Go ahead and enjoy your novel but supplement it with material that inspires real life. Make the OWN channel one of your favorites on your remote and watch the Life Class and Super Soul Sunday. Oprah’s OWN magazine is wonderful, get a subscription and then read the articles. Eboo is a Muslim and Oprah is a Christian, maybe you don’t believe in those gods or you’re an atheist, Hey! That doesn’t mean they can’t encourage you. I’m telling you, they can! Maybe you think Tony Robbins is a hoax. Well, he’s way more effective then you sticking your head in a bucket of mud. I’m not telling you to follow them and become disciples of TD Jakes and Gary Zukav. I’m telling you to glean what you need from these people and improve yourself, lift your self up. Move onward and upward. Become a better you!

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If you’d like to know WWLLS you can find her dream interpretation generator at http://www.whatyourdreammeans.com/

She also has a web page you can find from there with various examples of dreams and what they mean as well as links to purchase her books which are quite handy to have.

You can find the OWN official web site at http://www.oprah.com/own to check out videos, programing schedule and subscribe to the magazine, etc.

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How is being on a gluten free diet like being Autistic?
Complainers and judgmental reactions, that’s how.

The other day someone posted something about someone being annoyed at a restaurant listening to someone taking up to much time trying to order something gluten free. I lost the post so I didn’t get to comment on it but I would have liked to because I have the up close and personal scoop.

I’m gluten free due to having IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). Because it’s an IBS thing I am also lactose free. Then there are the things I used to love like coconut, honey and garlic that are big IBS triggers. Onion is too but I’m fine with that. There’s also other triggers like bean products such as soy and anything remotely blamed for causing gas type reactions. So often when I find something gluten free it contains one of the other no no’s. At home I have figured out plenty of things I can eat. As much as it may sound like a bummer that there are so many restrictions it’s worth not being in pain.

The trouble is eating out. Ironically McDonald’s is one of the easiest places to enjoy a none threatening meal. I order a grilled chicken patty and a side salad. Then I ask for either a breakfast plate or a large salad bowel so I can cut my chicken up (and large lettuce pieces and cherry tomatoes) and mix it into the salad without it spilling over. The side salad is usually a dollar and the grilled chicken patty is either two dollars or three. These prices may likely be higher in some areas.

I have happily discovered that Olive Garden has a gluten free menu you can get by asking. Yeah Olive Garden! I salute you!

Sadly most other places from my limited restaurant experiences are not so accommodating. It’s almost impossible not to be somewhat irritating. “Do you have a gluten free menu?” “No.?” And it’s pretty much down hill from there. If the answer is no the ideal answer would be, “No, but I’d be happy to give you a few suggestions.” I have seen a few folks try the suggestion thing which usually contains something about salad. Folks don’t seem to understand that one can only eat so much salad and stay sane, or so it feels.

I did have a Taco Bell guy warn me that the beef in the tacos did indeed contain gluten. That was kind of him. So far McDonald’s french fries haven’t had a negative affect on me, well, not an immediate one anyway, but some fries do in other places. It’s amazing where gluten shows up. Thus the issues with stress free ordering.

Well, back to the beginning of this article, just like people are so quick to judge the screaming kid at the market instead of giving the mommy room because there may be more going on then what one sees and has been raised to believe. One also ought to give the person asking a million questions at the restaurant about gluten free food the benefit of a doubt that they may actually not be on a gluten free diet due to a fashion trend but because gluten makes them painfully sick. And, it’s not the g-free persons fault that so many things contain gluten.

Recently I wrote a comment on Subway’s FaceBook page about hoping they get gluten free bread in soon cause I didn’t go there for salad. I had heard they had a few places doing a test run on it. They were gracious enough to answer me and let me know the test areas didn’t sell much so they are not going to provide gluten free bread at this time. I did appreciate the fact that they took the time to answer me. That’s a big star on their customer service side. But I wonder what happened with the test areas. The gluten problem isn’t a small one, there’s a lot of folks finding they can’t eat it. I wonder if it was the area or the way they advertised it.

I give big kudos to Chex. They have put out a wonderful line of Chex cereals that are gluten free. Though it’s limited to Chex type morsels, they at least have a variety of flavors. My favorite being vanilla, it tastes like cake. But, be warned, if you eat it too often you’ll likely end up hating it.

I’m also hoping the gluten free industry gets big enough that companies will lose the excuse of having to over charge due to having to have a special place to make the products or having to sanitize their normal factory machines before producing gluten free products. That would just be so financially nice.

I still have a lot to learn about gluten free options. So far the cake and cookie substitutes taste a lot like Jiffy Mix Corn Bread even though many of them are made from rice. The bread and cracker type items have a very dough like taste and texture.

The thing I have to watch out for is the things I can eat. Like natural sugar! I can have that! So what I’m trying to say is I gotta watch out not to get diabetes.

Clothes are an issue as well though so far I haven’t heard people complain. It’s not like I walk into a clothing store and announce that I need gluten free clothes. Though I must admit it could possibly come to that. Better yet I wish I could announce I need IBS clothes. My abdomen is very sensitive. The whole abdomen, as in all of it. From top to bottom. It’s super uncool. Some of this may be more then the IBS, could also be related to the acid reflux.

You know those things called Spanks? Yeah, I can’t wear them and pretend I have it all put together. I’ve heard people complain about ladies not wearing spanks type things. Again, an ignorant judgmental complaint. If I wear anything remotely snug let alone tight on my stomach area I end up in extreme pain. I decided to try maternity pants once. I forgot how the high waist band is often quite tight and even though it’s on the upper part of the abdomen it’s still a problem and causes me extreme pain. However maturity shirts and dresses are fine, but then again so are a lot of none maturity shirts and dresses. If I was a dress wearing type person and lived in a warmer climate that would have helped a lot. But I’m not and I don’t. So until I figure something else out it’s lose fitting sweat pants, some stretch pants and other pants and shorts that are a few sizes too big. So far blue jeans have been outed completely, I don’t look too good in suspenders.

But I’m not done yet. Ever heard or even yourself complained about the annoying woman who doesn’t wear a bra? Humm, maybe there’s more to that story. Well, if there isn’t people shouldn’t have to wear something so unnatural if they simply don’t want to.

There was a time I had to very literately stay in my pj’s for as long as I wanted to in order to break the restrictive feeling that I was doing something wrong. The Christian cult leader I was under for eighteen some years had drilled it into me that it was important that I dress for guests the minute I get up cause you never know what God will require of me and I should be read at all times, bla bla and so on. In other words I would get in trouble if I had my PJ’s on for very long after getting up. Thankfully I mostly got that out of my system. I say mostly cause there are often residual things left over from being brain washed and it takes time to get it all out. I say I’m happy I already dealt with this because wearing PJ’s is a wonderful relief for me when I am home. And a big part of that is not wearing a bra. I’ve enjoyed for years the wonderful freeing feeling one gets after taking a bra off at the end of the day but now it’s about more, the bras end up causing pain, even the lousy built in ones end up causing pain after a while. So in other words not every bra less lady is a wanna be hippie forcing you to stare at her boobs. Though I did read recently that it’s healthy to stare at boobs, for men anyway, the article did indicate men and the boobs were supposed to belong to woman. I’m sure there must be exceptions.

But judging braless woman just doesn’t sound healthy to me as is judging most things you actually don’t know much about anyway. Actually if you are the jumping to conclusion type person I suggest you start reading and watching a bunch of positive stuff and helping your brain become nicer. It’s not just you, most of us fall into a negative trap from time to time and need a brain cleaning to help us be more positive, accepting and just giving people a chance and the benefit of a doubt.

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On a side note in case anyone is wondering, I do plan to try to “cure” myself naturally when I get some money up to do so. I’ve been given some things to try that sound very possible. I’ll be sure to keep you all updated.

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Normally I like to put various pictures throughout my blogs but for now I will not be doing so. The family computer is not doing so well and it’s been difficult enough just getting this blog posted at all. Hopefully I’ll remember to come back by this one and fancy it up a bit more when I get on a system that actually works. For the time being, my apologies for the drabness.

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