Nov. 6, 2014
I had a dream two nights ago that stuck with me after waking. I knew my brain was trying to tell me something because it was so unusual and disturbing. When I tell you the dream it may not seem disturbing to you, well, it will depend.
I dreamed I was with some folks (I don’t actually recall seeing their faces) in a back yard type setting with a small pool. The pool was filthy with algae and just gross looking murky muddy water. On one side of the dirty pool were some dishes. I felt the need to wash the dishes so I got in the nasty pool in order to do so. Once I was in the water I also felt the need to clean the edges of the pool where the dirty water was leaving a mark. However, it didn’t take me long to contemplate how if I were to start washing the sides of the pool the dirty water would just make it dirty again and not only the sides of the pool but the same would affect the dishes.
So, I got out of the pool and took the dishes into the house. By the way, the property and the dishes did not belong to me. I just had a sense of natural obligation.
I set the dishes in the sink and was about to proceed with washing them when the same thought about the pools dirty water came to mind about the sink. I realized the sink was in very poor condition. The drain, for one, was very big, likely broken. I could see into it too well. I knew that I could not get the dishes clean under the current sink circumstances.
That was when I made the decision to walk away. There was nothing at the moment I could do and it wasn’t even my responsibility. I decided the owner needed to first fix the sink before anything more could be done. It was their responsibility.
I spent the first part of the next day contemplating the dream when I had the time. Week day mornings are mostly about getting four kids up, ready and out the door in time for school. So my personal thoughts get interrupted often. But light did break though and it became very clear what my mind was telling me.
I’ve made a new friend. She’s a single mom, recently broken up with an abusive guy and she’s fun to be around and talk with. She has her own hell she’s lived through and isn’t quite out of yet. The issue that gets most the attention is her teen sons bad and disrespectful attitudes. Some of the things she’s told me they have said to her made me wonder if there was people still in her life that disrespect her in front of her kids. I was right. Her parents tell her off, belittle her and so on right in front of her own kids. As you can imagine her self confidence and self love is in the pits.
I can’t tell her how to fix her kids or her parents but I have offered some ideas and insight. That and the need for her to love and stand up for herself. Most my advice has been about standing up for herself. I felt she has received enough advice on her sons and how to handle their behavior. However, it seems when it comes down to it she is focused mostly on how to handle them. Not that I blame her.
After thinking about my dream the conclusion came to me that the dream was about her and my relationship. Her kids and parents are like the dirty dishes. Yes, they need to be dealt with, cleaned up, so to speak. But until she loves her self and respects herself she is going to only be dealing with the dirty dishes with her own dirty water. She needs to clean out her system first, then she can tackle the other issues and even receive help and advice that can be put to good and effective use.
As far as where I come in, I believe it is best if I back off concerning her kids and parents and ex and just help her focus on bettering herself, loving herself. Sure, it’s pretty much what I’ve been doing but it could be easy to slip into trying to fix everything else if I don’t watch it. There is all kinds of good advise on how to handle kids and family and abusive ex’s but it won’t improve if one isn’t improving ones self. It’s not my job to fix her. But I can be there for her and point in the right direction.
Some belittled oppressed woman seem like lost causes. It’s likely because they wallow and seem to enjoy their problems. I have wondered a few times why I enjoy my new friends company while I don’t enjoy some other peoples company with issues as well. I believe it’s because the other people wallow in their problems and no matter what you say they are not really interested in getting or becoming better. I do believe my new friend is interested in improving herself. It makes being around her like, well, fresh water. I believe it’s in her to change. Sure it won’t happen over night. She’s taken years to get where she is, it’s gonna take time to restore and build self love. But as long as she stays on the road to possibility she will get there.
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