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Archive for May, 2015

After posting a link  to an article about Josh Dugger and how he molested some underage girls and was never reported on FaceBook a friend of mine (not a minor) told me her story in a personal message. She asked me to share her story and to keep her anonymous.

Her is her story.

***

Not to make light of the situation, but I think this is more common than people think, and it is never reported.

When I was 7, my brother did the same to me.

He approached me like we were playing a game, or it was something new he wanted to teach me. I went along with him because big brothers are supposed to be trusted, right?

I remember talking to one of my classmates about it, and her brother was doing the same to her, so I thought it was just a normal thing.

When my parents found out, he was told not to do that ever again, and that was that.

Of course, it did happen gain a time or two, then stopped. If I remember correctly, it was just accepted as early pubescent boys being curious. Maybe they never made a big deal out if it because, while there was nudity and genital contact, there was no penetration. I don’t know.

Honestly, once it stopped, I never really thought much of it again until things about child molestation became more openly discussed on TV.

I am not saying what Josh did was okay, or that the girls were not damaged by this. I am sure, especially in a home where purity is so emphasized, the girls must have felt much shame and guilt. (Purity and sexuality was NEVER EVER discussed in my home).

I just don’t think that all this means that Josh is still an offender. Yes, he should have gotten counseling and been evaluated to find out if he was just a stupid kid or had some kind of psychological disorder, and been dealt with accordingly.

I also don’t think that jail is always the right course of discipline. (Would have to be taken on a case by case basis, based on all the details of the crime and psychological evaluation.) They should be made known the kinds of consequences they face should they continue such behavior. And definitely should NEVER be swept under the rug and forgotten or blown off.

I think, in my case, I think that minimizing the issue was worse. I mean, no, I wold not have wanted my brother to go to jail, and honestly, I am glad the police were not called. I think that would have made me feel like I had done something really bad. I might have been afraid I would go to jail too. I would have also felt guilty for sending my brother to jail. I do wish it had not seemingly been ignored. (Although, that feeling did not come till much later.)

I don’t know what I would have wanted my parents to have done. I did find out many years later that my dad told my brother that if he ever did that again, he would cut it off. That probably was not cool either.

I think it is important that boys and girls have understanding of their bodies (especially as puberty approaches, and they have feelings they may not understand or how to deal with.). Sexuality should be able to be openly discussed without fear of shaming or anything, even if it means a boy (or girl) having to admit to a parent (Or trusted adult) that they are having urges they don’t know how to deal with.

I just would hate to see the idea of Josh being automatically branded an evil person because of this. (He may or may not be, but should not be judged on this incident alone (IMO).

I do think the dad should have dealt with it sooner and more appropriately, for the sake of all involved.

I do hope the girls have, or are recovering from this emotionally.

***

If you are interested in the article I shared on my FaceBook page you can see them at  What You Need to Know about the Josh Duggar Police Report by Libby Anne.

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                                                            (Picture found on Google Images.)

I am thankful I do not have a story like the young ladies molested by Josh Duggar or like my friends experience. However, I do understand the mentality behind some of it. I was raised in the era and religious background that put shame on the victim.

Therapist and psychologist were demonized by my folks. If someone had a problem we were led to believe they needed to repent and get saved. They may also need to have a demon cast out of them. Further help was to come from church leaders and mothers and fathers of the church. My folks even looked down on professional Christian counselors.

Regarding the idea of shaming the victim, I remember being at the beach with my family as a child and my mom pointing out teen girls or young ladies in bikinis and teaching my sister and I that men often rape woman because of those kind of girls. She would tell us that they may or may not be raped but they would cause another woman who could be dressed decently to be rapped because of what they put in that mans head. She didn’t just keep this between us, often she would find a way to approach the girl and start a conversation with her then lead it into how her lack of clothing could cost her or someone else a horrible tragedy and it would be her fault. Some where in the conversation she would also present “the plan of salvation” and do her best to help the girl repent and ask Jesus to come into her heart. This was a normal day for us at the beach.  I don’t think she spends much time at the beach any more but that doesn’t stop her from starting conversations with ladies at the truck stops or restaurants and so on and doing her best to help them see how their sorts and short skirts cause lust in men and how pants are not something woman are meant to wear and on and on.

I am hoping now that the Dugger’s shit hit the fan people will stop fantasizing about how wonderful the 70’s way of raising kids was and realize the trouble not airing ones dirty laundry actually causes in the long run. The old way of disciplining and raising kids had way to many holes in it. And it pathed a path to make too many excuses for the Christian god.
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