Archive for June, 2015

I keep reading peoples posts and comments on FaceBook saying that though they don’t believe in homosexuality and same sex marriage they don’t judge and that they love their gay friends and family members regardless.

Part of me is glad that at least they aren’t being cruel and are trying to be accommodating. However, what they don’t realize is that by saying they don’t believe in it is just like saying one doesn’t believe in gravity or that there are no people who are hermaphrodites or that the world is flat, or that autism is just an excuse to get free gov aid, etc. Basically they are saying they are ignorant of researched and proven scientific and medical facts.


Pic found on Google Images search.

They don’t understand the body and the chemicals and hormones and so on that make us who we are. They are still stuck on the old idea that homosexuals have a choice to be “straight.” Sure, of course there are some that do have a choice but there are many that do not. Living “straight” goes against who they are inside their mind, and I don’t mean something they made up in their mind, but something that’s been there since birth. It’s who they are from the start.

Those who believe their God is perfect and made us perfectly yet oppose homosexuality are saying God made a mistake. I’m sure by now they would rebut this with how human kind has messed up the environment and the water and air and such and that’s what causes children to be born with a chemical and hormone issue causing them to be homosexual. If that is the case then one must stop referring to their god as kind and loving. He or she would be more of a god that doesn’t interact or really care. Maybe he or she is actually more like the God of the Old Testament and Torah where he’s malevolent and doesn’t mind the slaughter of the innocent.  Cause if a baby is created with and born with what they consider a horrible sin because of the environment, and God is all powerful yet chooses not to give the innocent child a head start on not sinning and avoiding hell then He or She isn’t actually good or kind. Unless ones idea of good is perverted, which is sadly often the case.

(Regarding the malevolent OT god, see Deuteronomy 7 for starters.)

Society has brain washed many folks to believe what is natural is a sin. After all the Bible says that we will also be judged by our thoughts. But many of those so called sinful thoughts are part of us naturally. To hate when offended and harmed, to be jealous when others have what we need or want, to have sexual thoughts when we see something that turns us on, etc, those are feelings we have programmed into our brain wither we like it or not. And if you believe God created us, then either you need to believe those things are not sins unless acted upon in a harmful way or you need to believe that God is imperfect, or that he enjoys insisting that we live a life he made impossible.

Negative thoughts only become “sin” or wrong when they are acted out in a way that harms oneself and or others. If one chooses to hold on to them the negativity can become harmful to their body but the initial feelings are not bad and they are not sinful. There are some feelings and desires that can be lived out without harming anyone. The reason for that is they aren’t actually sinful or bad, they are just seen that way because of all the religious rules man has made up to keep other people in line and obedient. Things like homosexuality, polygamy, open relationships, sex out side of marriage, etc. When it is between consenting adults it is not wrong but often looked at as wrong because that is what man has told us that God said.

(Matthew 7 is one of the places that condemns what people think regardless of their actual actions. And regarding polygamy, according to the Bible it’s only wrong if you are a church leader. I Timothy 3:2 & 12) 

Another thing I am seeing written since the wonderful victory on the side of Freedom allowing same sex marriage in the US is that now the government is gonna allow polygamy and child rape and murder. These are Christians writing this horrible stuff. Thankfully I have plenty of Christian friends who are not so absurd and know how to think clearly. But when I see the awful posts from those who actually think this,  I can’t help but shake my head and wonder what is going on in some peoples heads. It’s disturbing! Why would a person see two consenting adults having a relationship between them as the same as child rape and murder. I want to get mad about this but I have been in their position before and I understand how brain washing works. I believed a lot of strange things that didn’t actually make any sense because I was programmed to believe it. So, I have to calm myself and remember I was there at one time too. I was just as offensive.

Murder and rape and child molestation is a horrible act that needs to be stopped and harshly dealt with. That is obvious unless your a psychopath and you weren’t raised in a good family with someone to teach you right from wrong. But if you are not a psychopath with no training you know those things harm people, it’s pretty simple.

Being in a homosexual relationship or having a few partners or deciding to have sexual relations and not get married and your partner or partners are of age and are aware and approving, then you are not harming them or yourself. You are not murdering anyone, you are not having sex with a child, you are not forcing anyone to do things they don’t want to… This is not murder, this is not rape, this should never be mentioned in the same sentence as murder, rape or child molestation! People who put them in the same sentence and as if the are all the same are using propaganda, manipulation and drama to get a reaction wither they know it or not. Maybe it isn’t even original, maybe they heard it somewhere else and bought into the drama and are just repeating what they heard cause it caused a reaction in them that they want others to feel. Sensation isn’t always the sign of the real thing. Sensation is often a distraction tool.

So when you say you believe that homosexuality is a sin but that you still love and don’t judge your friends and family who are gay, think about how it would feel if many of your friends said they believe being “straight” is a choice and it’s a sin against God, worthy of the eternal torture of hell fire but that they still love you and they don’t judge you. Would you really feel loved? Would you really feel like you weren’t being judged? To make it worse what if they added that though they still loved you your sin of being straight was the same as murder and child rape. Still feel loved?

People can use the Bible to prove that homosexuality is a sin, while other people can use the same Bible to prove it is not a sin. Personally I see the scriptures that say it is a sin. But then again I was raised to see it that way. What it comes down to is how you chose or were programmed to see it. It comes down to you actually having a choice to see it either way and, like me, understand that your view is influenced by how you were taught. So it’s you that has the choice, not the homosexuals. You may have been programmed to see things a certain way, and I know personally how difficult it is to see things differently, but you were not born that way.

Are you strong enough to step away from what you were taught, what you so strongly believe and to actually do some research and learn the facts about homosexuality not just within your Bible but in real time right now medical facts.

And the big question is, … Do you actually LOVE enough to challenge yourself to learn the truth?


Pic I took at the Event for Equality Wausau 2015.


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Oh Crutches!

I had my foot in a brace and had been using crutches for about five days when I decided my empathy container was full and I should be allowed to go back to normal life. But, as most of us know, that’s not how life works. Plus, when it comes to understanding how others feel, there is always more angles to learn from.

foot brace

(This was what I had my foot in before the cast was put on. Image found on Google images.)

I had no idea getting around on one foot would be this difficult. It does make sense but I never sat around an really contemplated it before. I’ve seen plenty of folks on crutches and they usually smiled and looked like they had it down. So I just didn’t have any real idea of what it was like. Thankfully I am a kind person and don’t hesitate to open a door and hold it for folks on crutches and in wheal chairs and so forth and so on. When I first got out the Monday after the Friday that I injured myself I found that my style of kindness isn’t something everyone does. I know, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Maybe it was just Monday because after that it seemed there were more kind people willing to hold a door open.

It’s been a week and two days now since the initial injury. Last Friday they put a cast on it. They offered me a selection of colors. I wanted either to have blue or a color my kids could draw on. My youngest, Kyle, was with me and he insisted I have red so I compromised and got mostly blue with some red. Besides appeasing him I figured this way the kids could draw on the red past since the blue would be difficult to see any drawings on. Kara, my younger daughter, is planning on making me a Captain America shield to put on it.

download(Image found on Google images.) 

The whole cast thing was yet another thing to get used to. At first it hurt and really bothered me. Last night I actually got a good nights sleep and have been feeling much better.

my foot with the cast(A cropped pic of my foot with the cast on.) 

The pain the crutches give me in my good foot and leg and underarms and hands hasn’t gone away. The underarms and hands are better but it still hurts to a degree. My leg and foot that I hop around on isn’t so compliant and likes to complain. Big baby!

So far I’ve only fallen twice. The first time was while it was raining last Sunday. The bottom of the crutches got wet so when I walked into the house and onto the linoleum they slipped and I went down skinning my knee with the foot injury. That wasn’t cool. I had been finding good and helpful uses for that knee. The second time was going down my porch steps but thankfully I fell backward so I just sat down and wasn’t hurt. However, getting up on one leg from a low step isn’t easy.

Before I go on I should explain what happened, how I got hurt. I was returning a book to my neighbor and friend. She has a porch similar in height to mine but she has about two extra steps leading up to it. So when I was walking down the steps my mind erased two of them and I went down twisting my left food backwards. I wanted to wait to go to the doctors because I have a programmed thing in my head that says I’m not really that hurt and it will be fine in the long run. But, it was Friday and if I was actually as hurt as I felt and I didn’t go to the doctor right away I would have to wait till Monday. While this made perfect sense I still wasn’t going until I talked to my sister on the phone and she talked some sense into me.

Another neighbor of mine ( I am fortunate to have some really great neighbors and friends) offered to drive me after my oldest daughter called her and told her what happened. We first tried the local clinic but they don’t take walk in’s and strongly suggested we go to the walk in clinic in the next town over. So that’s what we did getting there just in time before closing. The doctor had x-ray’s taken and said it was only sprained but also that he was sending the x-rays to radiology for a second opinion as is their procedure. I was given a prescription looking paper for crutches. After leaving I realized he didn’t give me a pain med prescription so I went back in and asked for one. I hadn’t needed it as of yet but I wanted it in case the pain kept me awake at night. So he wrote me a prescription for that.

I couldn’t fill my prescriptions at the walk in clinic cause the pharmacy had closed as well as my local clinics pharmacy so we went to Walgreen’s. I knew Walgreen’s hasn’t been accepting military insurance for a while now but I didn’t know they no longer take state insurance either. How do they stay in business?! They also wanted about $50 for the crutches. My friend told me she had some ideas as to where to find a better deal and would look into it. My neighbor across from me ended up loaning me her walker and cane. My ex actually checked Goodwill with the girls for crutches but didn’t find any. Later the neighbor who gave me a ride found a free pair and brought it over which is what I have been using since.


(Image found on Google images.) 

I stayed home over the weekend. On Monday summer school started and so did various appointments. So until today I’ve been virtually running around ever day o f the week. Wednesday night, the night before the day I had a bunch of appointments on, I couldn’t sleep. Walking around on one foot is even more difficult when one hasn’t slept much. I am thankful that I ended up sending the boys to their dads last night cause I needed the girls to help me shop but it also turned out I had a great nights sleep cause no little ones were here to wake me up early.

Back to the foot… the Friday before last… While waiting in the car at Walgreen’s the doctor called me and said radiology found a small fracture. Yesterday (a week after the injury) I saw a podiatrist. She showed me the x-ray picture and explained what was going on. When I twisted my foot the muscle pulled a small chip of the bone off my foot bone. (Either the cuboid or calcareous I believe.) The cast was the best option for keeping my foot from moving. It’s supposed to be on for about ten days and then removed for more x-rays because apparently some bone injuries don’t show up right away so there could be more.


(Photo found on Google images plus I added the purple info.) 

One of the big things besides filling my empathy level up higher is my new view of my kids. This experience is giving me a view I wouldn’t otherwise have. It’s like a test of how well and responsible and empathetic they are as well as other things. My two middle kids love helping me get things and do things and they will help all day as long as it’s not actually a chore like doing dishes. They will do chores when I ask and then only the minimum amount if they don’t forget first. My oldest will get me things and do stuff for me but only in small amounts. If I ask for assistance she will help until about the fourth time then she takes a motherly approach and lets me know I need to do it myself, wither or not I’m actually able to. However, she has taken on the chore of getting dinner cooked which is super awesome. She will do dishes without being asked, that is a few dishes anyway. And she will get on the other kids about doing dishes as well. In other words, the dishes in the bottom of the sink haven’t moved in a while. I keep telling the kids that the missing spoons are likely in the bottom of the sink. They act like it’s a revaluation but they don’t react by actually washing all the dishes and getting to those so called missing spoons.

My youngest son pretty much did what he always does when I am not feeling well and that is he buckles down and demands even more assistance for things then ever. His therapist thinks it’s a anxiety issue due to my not feeling well and him not knowing how to handle it. Though she is likely right, this whole ordeal has shown me he is even more spoiled then I thought. This is a terrible time to crack down on him, but it’s also a great time to do it cause I have to. Even though I am mobiley challenged I am able to start training my kids in things I was either to busy or to tired to train them in because I can see the holes better and because I need them to know these things. So, it’s working out in more then one way for the better.

Last night my girls and eldest’s friend and I went shopping for groceries. I had been putting it off because we could get by but it was well over due so we needed a lot of stuff. I’ve never driven a Walmart cart before. Thankfully my daughter friend had worked at WalMart at one time so she showed me how after crashing me into the window first. It was rather hilarious! The window survived, btw.

At first I was very nervous. I didn’t want to hit a person and the people near the entrance were very scattered and thoughtless making it difficult to move forward without hitting them. Somehow I managed without causalities and drove to the grocery area in one piece. After that the folks seemed a tad bit more polite. Besides the cart was pretty slow which my daughters friend told me after shopping was due to a low battery.


(Pic I found on Google images.) 

I somewhat quickly learned to maneuver the cart and got busy with the shopping. All three girls were very helpful and since Hannah has taken over the cooking I let her make many of the decisions. Normally I hate shopping with my kids but this time it was fun and enjoyable.

Being on crutches and having a cast has brought out who’s done it before and who hasn’t. The folks with cast and crutches experience often give me an empathetic smile and those who haven’t often have an obvious clueless look on their face. Only a few act like jerks. I have officially been promoted to the “done it before” group! My clueless face is no more!

my cast(Pic of me the day I got the cast put on a week after the initial injury.)

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I’ve had a lot of horrible night mares in my past and only a few in the more recent. I’ve had sleep paralysis on a regular basis when I was in my teens, twenties and quite a bit of my thirties. To make them worse then they already are, I was taught to believe they were demonic attacks. Apparently people didn’t know the chemical scientific reason for sleep paralysis back then and today many still don’t. It should be explained on talk shows and stuff so folks won’t freak out so much about it. But I’ve also come to realize that some people don’t want to know the natural cause, I guess it’s not as fun to talk about.

I did learn to control many of my dreams.

Flying dreams are supposed to be a psychological good sign but mine always turned into nightmares. I would find myself flying and it felt awesome, but then I would get that horrible feeling of dread and sure enough the dream would turn into some kind of nightmare and often then into sleep paralysis. I believe it was because it reflected on my real life. When ever I felt free someone would find a way to guilt me back into a corner usually using religion to do so. I haven’t had many flying dreams since being free from religion. At first the few I have had seemed to try to head into dread again but I wouldn’t let them. I was able to stop the nightmares before they took over. I’ve had maybe one or two since then that were fine. Though I was a little anxious it turned out fine. Again, like real life, I often still have to give myself the “okay” to enjoy life and just be happy. It’s gotten better with time.

So, the other night I dreamed about a tsunami. Maybe my dream was inspired by the shows and movies with tsunamis in them lately. I used to have issues with the idea of tsunamis because they often involve drowning which was a big fear of mine. I drowned when I was four and although I was put back in swim lessons and spent a lot of my life in the water, I couldn’t bear to watch anything on drowning. Also, having lived on a boat for many years, tsunamis just aren’t something you want to see. But I’ve gotten over being freaked out by them in pictures and movies.

In the dream it was day and there was a tsunami headed our way. I was with a bunch of folks. I don’t believe I knew any of them, just folks who were in the area. There was a huge beige colored wall that was some kind of artistic structure. It had lines going up and was curved like a wave at the top. It was pretty sturdy. We weren’t sure if it would hold but it was our best chance. So we stood behind the wall while the tsunami barreled it’s way over us. The wall started coming down very slowly. In my head I decided I would rather be crushed to death then drown so I stayed there and waited with the others.

Even as the wall came closer to the ground and we had to lay down there was no fear. Thinking about it sounds terrorizing, but in the dream I was doing all I could and even if it wasn’t going to work I was okay with it. I remember the wall finally completely coming down on us and then it was over, I died.

Normally when my life is threatened in a dream and I become aware that I am in a dream I attempt to embrace what ever is threatening me but before I can actually embrace it the dream changes. Or I stand back and laugh and again it changes. But in this dream it stayed till I was gone instead of changing before hand. It did change right away after that. It was just the first time that I can remember having a dream that I basically died in.

I am aware, as an awake person, that death in a dream means an end to something. Something in your life has either ended or needs to end. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately so I can embrace such an idea from my subconscious with a warm welcome. And it being day likely means I am aware and not in the dark about it.

I just got a kick out of something I would think of as being horrible and nightmare sounding as not even being scary. But then again, my mind created this scenario to help get through to me. Our minds are pretty awesome!


(Photo found on Google image search.) 

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