Archive for the ‘Funnies’ Category

I’m sharing this personal story because I don’t want others to go through what I’ve gone through.
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You see, well when I was a child my parents warned me not to play with my pancreas. “Lori, if you keep playing with your pancreas you’ll get pancreatitis,” they’d say. Did I listen? Of course not! It was the 70’s and parents said we would get some kind of “itis” form just about everything.
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Okay, that never actually happened. But it was a good story. I’m not sure how others have gone about getting pancreatitis, and I’m still learning about it so I haven’t quite figured how I went about getting it.
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As usual, when the pain was just too long and too much it was a Friday night. Meaning, the ER was the only cool place to hang out at for an emergency, and any follow-up doctors appointments would have to wait till the weekend was over.
So, chatting with my doc about it hasn’t happened yet. I am, however, very cleaned out at the moment, a liquid diet will do that to ya. I have IBS so most often I’m not hanging onto any old used up crap anyway.
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I’ve also been reading tidbits about the pancreas and pancreatitis now and then, here and there. It’s rather redundant so diving into the study of that rather clandestine glandular organ isn’t something I want to dedicate large portions of my time to.
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The ER doctor was considering hospitalizing me but instead released me with instructions. One, go on a clear fluid diet for several days. Two, make a follow-up appointment with my doctor. Three, well three was just a prescription for pain and four would be a doctors excuse for not going to work note that I plan to hand in when I go to work. I did leave early on Thursday due to upper stomach pain and I called early Friday to let them know I needed to stay home.
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Well shoot, this isn’t a first. While writing the last sentence I got a bit fuzzy on the sequence of days. Turnes out I went to the ER on Thursday night. Soooo, I could have made a follow-up doctors appointment. Oops!  Have you met me? Cause if you haven’t, well, this isn’t an uncommon occurrence. Because of that sort of woolgathering, no, more like distractedness, I have a “mom’s” calendar made especially for folks just like me, a “mom’s” style daily planner that I carry with me almost everywhere, and alarms set on my phone for various things I need to remember throughout the day.
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Back to my indisposition, Pan Creat(e) itis, I’m working on remembering the spelling of this silent but organ of great caliber.
It’s a little bugger. I wonder how long it’s actually been acting up shrouded by other organs allowing them to take the blame while it peered out astern from the more mainstream organ we call the stomach.
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The pancreas, which I think should include a ‘u’ in its spelling, is known for all kinds of issues when it’s not happy. Alcohol abuse is the main reason for most peoples pancreatitis. Rules me out on that one. I rarely drink and when I do it’s Dos Equis, lol, no jk, but I do like Dos Equis. But really, occasionally I’ll add a fourth of a cup or less of wine to my juice. If I’m getting really wild I might have a wine cooler. whoo hoo!! But I don’t really crave alcohol, I just talk big. There are many other causes, feel free to look it up. In other words, I haven’t had any solid food in three days and I don’t feel like going on about all the potential causes.
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I guess we’ll just see what happens next, what I learn next, and if my spelling gets any better, and so on.
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Thanks for reading my blog about pancreatitis, oops, auto correct caught the ‘u’ I put in it again. Darn it! I hope this helps to motivate and inspire you to care for your most paramount pancreas. (Yes, I have trouble not putting a ‘u’ in the word pancreas too.) Having a pancreas removed results in dependency on insulin shots cause your natural insulin dealer is your pancreas. Safeguard that baby, but, take my parents warning, don’t play with it.
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Felicia sleeping

Pancreas’ are ugly so here’s a picture of my cat. 



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I just have to tell this one!

We have a little dog named Chloe. Her non-papers papers say she is a Pomeranian. I do think she has a little of something else in there as well. Anyway, as is common with many small dogs she is easily frightened and has a strong desire to bark when startled. I’ve been working on training her. Sometimes she mostly gets it and other times it’s just too difficult not to growl and bark. Often she will run to me, cuddle up in my lap and look at me in desperation as a grumbling sound goes through her throat as if to say, ‘help me! I can’t stop myself.”  I help her as best I can. At least she is trying.

As far as what she barks at, well, it’s a number of things. Mostly noises that she can’t see, like neighbors coming home or leaving. Or a knock at the door, or one of the kids coming down the dark hallway. And so on.

Today we had an entirely new one happen. I have to admit, I heard it too. I heard a knocking sound coming from my youngest son’s direction. Chloe growled and then barked then ran away down the hall barking with out restraint. I asked my son if he had made that noise. With a funny look on his face he admitted to it. My kids know they are not supposed to make knocking noises because of the dog but before I could say anything about that my son let me know what he had done.

He had farted.







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Sometimes dating is like opening one of those little packets that comes in the cereal or Cracker Jack box. You just never know what you’re gonna get. (I know, I sounded a little like Forrest Gump.)

cracker jack prize


This dating adventure took place several years ago while I still lived in Hawaii. It’s just too funny not to retell from time to time so I decided to re-post it once again.



I was chatting with a guy on FaceBook who I was not romantically interested in. He was nice but not my type.


He asked to take me to the movies one day and I said yes cause I needed to get out. He wanted me to meet him at a certain movie place that was clear across town.  I wasn’t used to the area and, as usual, I got lost.



I called him several times with no answer. Finally he answered and told me where to turn to find the place. Then he let me know he didn’t think I was coming so he went ahead and watched the movie already. It was the movie called He’s Not That Into You.

I arrived and found him by his car wearing a big beach hat like he said he would. He put the hat back in his car and then off to the movie ticket booth we went. There was some really great action movies playing but he thought they were too scary and really wanted to watch He’s Not That Into You, again. After purchasing the tickets we had about 45 minutes to wait and since the theater was in a very nice strip mall with coffee shops and all, I suggested we walk around and chat till it was time but he was concerned we wouldn’t get any seats so we went in.

We passed the concession stand where there was no line and as we passed the ticket guy he stopped to chat for a moment. I learned he came to that theater quite often and everyone knew him by name. They also didn’t mind when he would bring in KFC and eat while watching the movies.


We found nice seats in the empty theater room and visited while we waited for the movie to start. He told me all about his medical problems and what he did in the Navy and then more about his medical problems, mostly sinus and jaw stuff. I brought up a few other subjects that he didn’t find interesting, he would always find a way to bring the subject matter back to him self and his medical issues.


I really wanted a snack so I went to the concession stand and bought myself some nachos. When I came back two girls had seated in front of him and were talking with him. He introduced me. They worked at the Turtle Bay Resort where he also liked to hang out. One of the girls turned to me and asked me to tell him why he had trouble getting a date.  I immediately thought of many answers to that question but because I had just met him I didn’t feel right being so honest. I politely told them that we had just recently met. He gave me a disapproving look and whispered to me that I shouldn’t have told them that.


Eventually the movie started.  During the movie he responded to FaceBook posts on his phone and whispered stuff about the movie to me. 

Then it happened… it was the middle of the movie, he leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. He told me what was going to happened at the END of the movie!


By this time I had already found this date to be more and more humorous and that just added to it.


The movie ended and my date who had been chewing mint gum excessively walked me to my car. He asked me to go dancing with him at a go go club in Waikiki cause it was 80’s night and he loved 80’s night. Although the evening had progressively gotten funnier I was ready to go home so I declined the offer.


He then started telling me he couldn’t wait ’till I was officially divorced so we could get married. I thought the evening couldn’t get anymore ridiculous after that… but I was wrong.


I was trying to say goodbye when he put his finger over my lips to hush me and then leaned over to kiss me. He stopped and in my bewilderment I started to say goodbye again when he did the hush thing again and kissed me again.

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Actually, it was more like this…


Surprisingly he was a good kisser which threw me off a bit. I sure didn’t expect that! The excessive fresh mint gum chewing started making more sense. It’s not a bad idea really.  But this time I reacted much quicker cause I really didn’t like being hushed and I really wanted to leave and as much as kissing is wonderful, he was just really annoying to hang out with. 

On the way home he texted me about going out again. I am normally a very nice polite person. But even very nice polite people have their moments especially when it is just irresistible. I pulled over and quickly texted him back, “I’m sorry. I’m just not that into you.


Really, he wasn’t evil and I would have been happy to stay his friend and maybe even give him some dating tips which he desperately needed but by the time I got home he had removed me from his FB friends list.


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We didn’t go to movies often but I sure loved it when we did. I remember this one time in New Port Beach, CA. when my family went to see a double feature, Octopussy and Krull. It must have been 1983. My mom wasn’t to happy about seeing Octopussy but my dad was a 007 fan. I think Octopussy was my first 007 film. Later the second one would be Never Say Never staring Sean Connery. After that I was hooked.

Octopussy played first and it upset my mom who decided to spend the rest of the movie time in the ladies lounge reading her purse size Bible and praying. They had a couch in there so it was actually quite comfortable.

Octopussy was fun, I loved all the crazy gadgets and excitement. Then Krull came on. After a while my dad and sister grew board and wanted to leave but I was totally into it. Then again, I loved going to movies so I was always into what ever was on the big screen. Eventually, as it so often happens, I had to use the restroom. While there I checked on how my mom was doing. She attempted a guilt trip on me but I wasn’t buying at the time. She did successfully make me feel uncomfortable being anywhere near her so I politely excused myself and returned to the movie. Now that I look back on it I understand those feelings better. Some people know how to suck the positive energy from you replacing it with negative uncomfortable feelings. My mother didn’t do it all the time but she certainly had that ability. Some folks chronically do it and I have heard them called spiritual vampires. I think they could also be called energy vampires. My mom was not in the habit of doing it all the time thankfully, but she did have the ability when she wanted to.

After leaving the restroom I returned to the large mostly empty room the movie was playing in. There were a few folks scattered here and there because the crowd had left after the 007 movie ended. I spotted the back of my dad and my sister who was easily recognizable from the back due to her long braid. I walked down the isle and said excuse me to my dad who then moved his legs sideways for me to get through and my sister did the same and then I sat right next to my sister and continued to watch the movie for a while.

Not to long later I felt someone tapping me on the shoulder. Curiously I turned to see who it was and to my shock my sister was standing in the seating area behind me. I then looked to the right and found the lady and man I was sitting with were not actually my sister and my dad but complete strangers. Oh my! My sister recalls me doing a double take.

I excused myself past them again, this time out to the isle and my sister and I walked back up to the foyer holding our mouths shut so we didn’t burst out laughing till we exited.

The rest of my family found this to be a good excuse to actually leave the theater even though I would have loved to continue watching the rather slow movie. I didn’t mind too much though cause what had happened was far to funny. We were also glad to have found something to cheer my moms mood up and lighten the atmosphere.

Years later, about four or five years ago actually, I went to the theater in Kalamazoo, MI with my then boyfriend, Ted. I don’t recall what movie we went to see but I do recall that as we climbed the stairs next to the seats there was only one couple in the whole room. As we passed them I turned and walked straight up to the lady and asked them to please move over. The lady actually started collecting her things so she could move while the guy with her looked at me like I lost my marbles. I didn’t actually want the lady to move so I quickly told her I was joking. Ted was watching and rather curious about what the heck I was doing as well. Once they realized I wasn’t serious they had a good laugh. I think doing it on purpose is much better, but either way it’s all fun!

Octopussy_8 Krull

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So, yesterday I went to Wausau to do some much needed shopping. I pulled out my only thick sweat pants that I got for about $5 at Walmart a year or two or so ago when the weather started turning colder. I was disappointed to find that the inside of the pants were all balled up and it irritated my skin. I’ve used them off and on over my PJ’s when I had to run out the door for a short time to get something done but otherwise when I want to wear something comfortable I have been using my really thick sweat type pants. I have blue jeans that fit fine but my belly still hurts after having them on for over an hour so when I can get away with it I use the thin sweat pants. But the weather is only due to get colder and colder so I finally broke down and went shopping for a thinker better sweat pant.

I decided not to shop for them at Walmart because I wanted a better quality so I chose to go check out Old Navy. They usually have pretty good stuff that is better made yet still in style and often not over priced.

On my way there I recalled the part in the Book called The Secret where they challenge you to practice positive thinking in small ways, like for a front parking spot when shopping. Many many years ago I used to actually do that and it, from what I can remember, always worked. But, it’s been a really long time, still I thought, why not give it a go again. After all I am actively working on positiving, myself. Yes, I made that word up! It means to make ones self positive. So there!

While putting the thought of the closest parking spot in my head my head immediately didn’t want to take parking from handicap people. Actually, I’m normally not a front parking type, I enjoy the walk. It’s like free exercise! But still, I wanted to practice being positive so I decided I would get the front parking space other then handicap spaces.

I saw the Old Navy sign along the strip mall and pulled into the lot. Sure enough the front parking space looked empty. Actually the lot was pretty much empty. There were about four or five cars there but still the closest parking space was open. It had a handicap sign turned backward for the space in front of it but it was apparently not a handicap space it’s self. I still didn’t want to park there so I parked a little ways away. Just after I parked a lady pulled into the spot. I thought, “Aw, cool! I guess I opened it up for her! Sweet!” Then I saw some folks heading into the store. One was either an Amish or Mennonite man. I should know better by now but I was told when I lived in California that the Amish and Mennonite do their own stuff, like farming, sewing and basically have nothing to do with normal society. Well, the Mennonite do missionary work but still they were very secluded unless on a mission. In Arkansas I was surprised to learn they actually eat at Cece’s pizza. But, since living in Wisconsin I have learned that both groups shop and eat at just about any where anyone else does.

So, I shouldn’t really have been surprised to see that man walk into Old Navy. But then I noticed the sign above the door and it said Bed Bath and Beyond, not Old Navy. I didn’t even bother trying to think a front parking spot to Old Navy after that. I was just happy to pull out and then back in a bit closer to the right story I actually wanted to shop at. Besides, I had a good laugh at myself.

Oh yeah, I did find a nice pair of thick sweat pants at a reasonable price. Just so you know.

About that… I do find it annoying the way woman’s clothes are made. It’s not jut Old Navy, actually Old Navy does pretty good in some areas that other stores don’t. But this time even Old Navy blew it. I went around feeling all of the woman’s sweat pants of various types and they all were pretty thin. It’s winter for cryin-out-lout! And not just winter, but winter in Wisconsin! The men’s department had less of a selection but the sweats were thicker so I got a pair of men’s sweats. They have an Old Navy logo on them so now I’m extra cool! I mean, nice and warm.


And that wasn’t all, there was yet one more good funny to come after the kids got out of school.

I just couldn’t get the stubborn lid to the Apple Cider Vinegar (The kind with the Mother in it) opened so I asked my 15 year old daughter (some know her as Hannah) to help loosen it for me. She took the bottle and gave it a try, then let me know she got it opened.

Now, just so you know, my lovely daughter Hannah just loves to steal drinks of what ever it is I’m drinking, it’s like her favorite past time or something.

So I stood there somewhat puzzled watching her put the bottle in slow motion to her lips. Half my brain was wondering if she knew what was in the bottle and the other half of my brain wondered if I should have a camera filming this.

She took a drink from the bottle, I watched for her face to change but it didn’t. Then she handed it back to me and meandered over to the water container. Half way to it she let out a small exclamation…finally!

Of course we had a good laugh about it after she drank some water. I’m not a big prankster but this was one opportunity that presented it’s self to me and I just couldn’t pass up. I also let her know how very good the vinegar was for her. lol

apple cider vinegarPictures were found on Google search.

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