Have you used any dating sites? Please share your story.
Here is mine:
We hit it off real good cause we are both into film. He called often and it was nice to have someone to talk who seemed to care. He would often stop talking to me for long periods of time and his reason was depression. He lived in San Fran and I briefly entertained the thought of going there to see him and my aunts family. I admit, I needed a vacation and my not yet ex was good at agreeing but not delivering. After a while Michael and I got to know each other good enough to see our differences and decided being friends was best rather than a relationship.
There was a free one on FaceBook that I looked into while I was living in Hawaii. I was awaiting my divorce to go through and still living with my ex. Sure, that wasn’t a good time to be looking but I’m one of those humans who loves to have companionship and life was getting very miserable. My ex would come home from work, eat, go out on the porch to smoke his pipe and chat with his girlfriend on line.
FaceBook dating site (I can’t remember the name of it. It was free at the time but they charge now.)
I met some nice guys on there. One from England named Graham became a good friend and we even talked on the phone sometimes. He was planning a vacation and entertained the thought of coming to Hawaii. He also lived with his ex and had quite a crazy story.
Somewhere along the line I met Fernando in Australia. Things seemed real good. He was still having issues with his ex but who doesn’t. We started making plans. He was going on vacation as it was so he planned to come to Hawaii and if things kept working out then the kids and I would move to Australia. It sounds crazy, I know, and actually it may have been but it wasn’t so crazy to me cause my ex and I had talked a lot about moving there any way in the past. When I brought it up to my ex he didn’t mind the idea and was considering moving there himself any way. Later when all this fell through he informed me he would have never let me go there with the kids. Fernando and I chatted every evening either on the computer or talked on the phone. Then he started talking less and less to me. Feeling rejected was very easy for me at that time so this was quite painful. Finally on Mothers Day we talked about it and he let me know he was seeing someone in his area and that was the end of our relationship. I was upset naturally and he did that typical man thing by letting me know there was no reason for me to be upset and it was silly and then he removed me from his FaceBook friends.
Guy I went to the movies with.
I was chatting with another guy on FaceBook who I was not romantically interested in. He was nice but not my type.
He asked to take me to the movies one day and I said yes cause I needed to get out. So then he told me to meet him at a certain movie place that was clear across town. I wasn’t used to the area and as usual I got lost.
I called him several times with no answer. Finally he answered and told me where to turn to find the place. Then he let me know he didn’t think I was coming so he went ahead and watched the movie already. It was the movie called He’s Not That Into You.
I arrived and found him by his car wearing a big beach hat like he said he would. He took the hat of and placed it in his car and then off to the movie ticket booth we went. There was some really great action movies playing but he thought they were too scary and really wanted to watch He’s Not That Into You again. So he got the tickets. We had about 45 minutes till the movie would start and since the theater was in a very nice strip mall with coffee shops and all, I suggested we walk around and chat till it was time but he was concerned we wouldn’t get any seats so we went in.
We passed the concession stand where there was no line and as we passed the ticket guy he stopped to chat for a moment. I learned he came to that theater quite often and everyone knew him by name. They also didn’t mind when he would bring in KFC and eat while watching the movies.
We found nice seats in the empty theater and visited while we waited for the movie to start. He told me all about his medical problems and what he did in the Navy and then more about his medical problems, mostly sinus and jaw stuff. I brought up a few other subjects that he didn’t find interesting, he would always find a way to bring the subject matter back to him and his medical issues.
I went to the concession stand and bought myself some nachos. When I came back two girls had seated in front of him and were talking with him. He introduced me. They worked at the Turtle Bay Resort where he also liked to hang out. One of the girls turned to me and asked me to tell him why he had trouble getting a date. I immediately thought of many answers to that question but because I had just met him I didn’t feel right being so honest. I politely told them that we had just recreantly met. He gave me a disapproving look and whispered to me that I shouldn’t have told them that.
Eventually the movie started. During the movie he responded to FaceBook posts on his phone and whispered stuff about the movie to me.
Then it happened… it was the middle of the movie, he leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. He told me what was going to happened at the end of the movie.
By this time I had already found this date to be more and more humorous and that just added to it.
The movie ended and my date who had been chewing gum excessively walked me to my car. He asked me to go dancing with him at a go go club in Waikiki cause it was 80’s night and he loved 80’s night. Although the evening had progressively gotten funnier I was ready to go home so I declined the offer.
He then started telling me he couldn’t wait till I was officially divorced so we could get married. I thought the evening couldn’t get anymore ridiculous … but I was wrong.
I was trying to say goodbye when he put his finger over my lips to hush me and then leaned over to kiss me. He stopped and in my bewilderment I started to say goodbye again when he did the hush thing again and kissed me again.
Actually, it was more like this…
Surprisingly he was a good kisser which threw me off a bit. I sure didn’t expect that! The excessive fresh gum chewing started making more sense. It’s not a bad idea really. But this time I reacted much quicker cause I really didn’t like being hushed and I really wanted to leave and as much as kissing is wonderful, he was just really annoying to hang out with.
On the way home he texted me about going out again. I am normally a very nice polite person. But even very nice polite people have their moments especially when it is just irresistible. I pulled over and quickly texted him back, “I’m sorry. I’m just not that into you.”
Really, he wasn’t evil and I would have been happy to stay his friend and maybe even give him some dating tips which he desperately needed but by the time I got home he had removed me from his FB friends list.
I decided to give it a pay try for one month. I had moved to Kalamazoo and really wanted to have a special someone. I had figured out I was the type of person who was happier with a guy to love and love me back.
In that months’ time I met Ted. He talked me into meeting him at McDonalds and give him a chance. He was real nice and we ended up dating for a while. My mom and step dad came to see me and met Ted as well. They really liked him. Ted’s teen son seemed to like me and his teen daughter seemed ok with me, his adult daughter was very upset that he was seeing anyone but her mom. The son and adult daughter lived with him as well as his niece that he took care of. Though I knew Ted and I were not really a good match, I enjoyed having a friend and a boyfriend.
Kyle loves being around guys so he found Ted very exciting besides Ted would tickle him. Levi was ok with him. The girls were board and didn’t like going to his house cause they didn’t have stuff to do. He promised to have bonfires but it never worked out. The kids did have a blast helping him burn tree debris which I guess is like a bonfire.
I was still not healed from the pain and rejection I went through during my marriage separation and divorce and if I hadn’t been in the middle of reading The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler when Ted decided to not see or communicate with me for about two weeks, it would have crushed me and I would have cried every day. The book was helping me build a back bone. It didn’t feel good but I was getting through it and when you give me two weeks to myself I have time to think. I thought about all the reasons why Ted and I shouldn’t be together that is. By the time he contacted me and wanted to see me again as if nothing had ever happened I was ready to break up with him. I still hate to hurt anyone so I gave him the “it would be best for both of us” speech which he temporarily bought into. Later when I started seeing Frank he decided he wanted me back.
Plenty of Fish
I moved to Springfield and decided to see what POF was like.
I met David. We had a lot of the same interest like music and photography and he seemed to be the adventurous type. He had his own DJ business at one time. We chatted for some time when he finally decided to call. The calling didn’t last long cause he reverted to texting. It was either texting or chatting on line. I prefer to have a guy ask me out than for me to ask the guy out. To me it shows he has some guts and I like guts. I finally gave in and asked him if he was ever gonna ask me out or if we were just gonna text forever. He let me know he was shy and continued to send text. I informed him that when you refuse to ask a girl out it sends a message to the girl that you aren’t really that interested in her and just stringing her along and it hurts her feelings. Eventually he asked me out, if that actually counts. We started seeing each other. He had a habit of going to his folk’s house on Sunday to do his laundry and watch the car races. I figured after he got to know me better he would take me along and introduce me but that just wasn’t happening. I also learned that though he liked all music he preferred country. I can only handle so much country western music. I also learned that although he liked to storm chase with his son he was too scared to do pretty much anything else. He was quite content to sit on the couch and watch TV. He didn’t mind Kyle climbing on his lap but that was all he would have to do with my kids. There was no attempt for any interaction with them.
David’s mom had emergency surgery. I got a call from him after he got to their home. He asked his best friend for a ride. She and I had already met and got along great. I was disappointed he didn’t ask me to take him there. It just showed me he was still more comfortable with his best friend than his girl friend and I got over it. He was at his folks to be by his mom’s side for over a week I believe. I understood that he needed time there and it was very scary cause they didn’t know if she was going to make it. He hardly ever called to let me know how things were though his best freind and FaceBook friends were all updated. Again, this time away with hardly any communication gave me time to think. I realized that though we had things to talk about in common when it came to living, we didn’t have much in common. I realized that people who chase tornadoes are not the same as people who ride ‘em. I later found out that I am related to Pecos Bill. Lol
He came back and eventually contacted me. I expressed my frustrations and he was annoyed and that was the end of that very short relationship.
I think he is a very nice guy and will make someone who is okay with being a homebody very happy.
By this time I have figured out first hand that Match.com and POF do not really match people very well and I was annoyed with the dating sites. I was gonna give up on them altogether.
Out of curiosity I looked at a note sent to me by Tony and responded. We hooked up on FB and got to know each other better on there. He’s a So. Cal guy that transplanted when he and his family visited his wife’s folks in Missouri and she refused to leave. His older two kids had grown and his son was in his late teens when his wife decided she was sick of him and wanted to divorce. They separated but stayed married because she needed his health insurance for her medical issues.
By the time I met Tony I wasn’t excited about marrying anyone. I decided I wouldn’t mind finding a partner but marriage would either not happen or would have to wait. Tony was on the same wave length in that area along with many other things. Our first date was with the kids, he took us all to see some lakes and hang out.
Tony’s ex was very annoyed that he was dating and his two older kids were ticked at him as well. I never met his daughter. I got along fine with his teen son.
Tony was a lot of fun and attentive for a while. We went to the lakes that first time and took a walk along a stream another time and later we went fishing. He would sometimes put a movie on for the kids or let them use his computer. That was about the extent of interaction he had with them.
He met my mom who waited to get him without me and then say really bad things about Mexicans, call me a whore and try to attack his parenting skills. Apparently she was thinking he would never come back and I would cry on her shoulder. He did leave so he wouldn’t go off on her but he also called me and told me what happened and let me know he was ok. Her excuse was that he was still married which meant I was being an adulterous and a whore. Ted was also separated waiting for his divorces to go through when I was dating him but when she learned we broke up she was upset with me. The real problem for her with Tony was that he is half Mexican. Most of my life my mom was not raciest. It is sad to see her like this. I knew she had become raciest against African Americans but I didn’t realize it was other nationalities as well. Tony survived my mom’s attack. There were other difficulties but we somehow got through all of them. There were other things I could complain about, after all he is a guy and guys do a lot of stuff alike. I’m sure he could say the same of me being a girl and acting like one too.
Then I got the text, the one telling me how he F’s everything up in his life. Then the one about how he has raised his kids and is having trouble with the idea of raising anymore. And then some more “I’m breaking up with you ones”. And that was it for a while until I got the “why aren’t you talking to me” ones. I reminded him he broke up with me and he said he didn’t really do that and wanted to get back together. I told him I needed time and he gave me a little time then he started in on the “if you really loved me” messages and it annoyed me but worked. So we took the kids to the lake to fish and had a nice time and then I didn’t see or hear from him for a while. Then he sent me a message saying his dad was retiring and wanted him to come back to California and take over his business. I told him I was happy for him cause I knew he missed So. Cal and I told him I would miss him and he stopped talking to me. I reminded him of his messages saying, “If you really every loved me…” and he said I was right but he didn’t want to hurt me any more than he already had and so on. I let him know that I wanted to stay in touch and that maybe it was himself he was trying not to hurt any further. And the non communication continued except for an occasional very short note. He has moved back to Cali and I do hope the best for him.
I have been very busy lately with the kids and keeping busy is a great way to keep from missing someone. I go up and down with wither or not I miss him. I have come a long way the last couple of years. I’ve gone from believing I needed to have a man in my life to realizing I am fine without one but preferred to have one to where I am now. Where am I now? At times I miss not having someone, other times I feel it is nice to not have the stress of having to please yet another person. I really want to be a globe trotter one day and I am concerned that hooking up with a partner would interfere with that so waiting may be better. I read Eat Pray Love and really identified with the author. I love that she had the freedom to travel without inhibitions. The book was like a daily devotion to me for a while there.
Then there is the matter of the kids. After Tony had broke up with me the first time, his reason really hit home. How could I ever expect a guy to love me and my children? Asking someone to take on four young kids was big enough, but three of my kids have special needs making it an even bigger deal. Even Tony didn’t show any interest in learning about Autism which will be a requirement if I should get in a relationship again. Another concern is if the guy does take an interest in my kids is he just a really great unusual guy or a pedophile? I’m at the point where looking to get in a relationship just isn’t likely gonna work out and I’m mostly ok with that.
The biggest most positive changes in me came through learning to love and accept myself. And that is what really matters. If I find “Mr. Right” then cool, if not, then that’s cool too. I have a mental bucket list and I will do all the adventures in it as well as add to it whenever I learn of another really cool thing to try, with or without a guy.
The pics are of me sky diving about three years ago. I had wanted to so that for a long time. I had some guy friends who talked about going sky diving together. When I mentioned I wanted to go to they let me know that they should go first. I though that was rude. Then Shirley called me and told me she was getting a sky diving ticket for her grandson as a present for his graduation but he didn’t want to go alone and she wondered if I wanted to go with him. !!!! Sky diving was awesome and the beauty of Hawaii just added to it. To the best of my knowledge, none of those guys have gone sky diving yet. lol
So, that is my on-line dating stories. Please add yours to the comments area or put the link to your story on here. I’d love to hear from you!
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