Posts Tagged ‘belief’

My thoughts and memories after watching the video about the Islamic ‘Feminist’ Cult.

I’m having trouble attaching the video link on here. For now you can click on one of the links bellow and you should be taken to the video by either one. Also, I had trouble with the formatting. I’ll try to remember to go back in and see if i can fix things later. 
Islamic Feminist Cult interview by Broadly

This is a snap shot, not the actual video. The link to the video is bellow.

Watching the ladies sit there and defend their state of being with a sound of convinced authority that is well rehearsed gave me a sickie feeling. The same with watching them move to the music on cue. I couldn’t quite put a finger on it at the time, so I just chalked it off to how strange it all was…
Until now.
While the cult I was in, for me, wasn’t glamorous. There was no makeup allowed, no pants for woman, those who had money were given church positions and allowed to teach from time to time. Those who didn’t, like me, were expected to take care of everyone else along with tithing and offerings regardless of how it affect the kids and myself. Still, there was something familiar after all.

I remember defending my “church” with the same authoritative conviction. Back then I wouldn’t have agreed that it was rehearsed, but in a way it was. I spent hours, days and weeks in church and Bible study having the prophets teachings drilled into me over and over. Than, I would go over them in my own head and fit the lessons into place like a puzzle securing the cognitive dissonance with a thicker and thicker bubble membrane. So, when challenged, I mean asked, I had it all down pat. I could defend my faith with the same intensity and conviction as that one lady who did the most talking. It felt good, it made me feel strong, and even invincible in a way. No matter how much I was taken advantage of, or how much I was put in my place in front of everyone, or how much it was a struggle to take care of my kids because the leader was sucking the finances out of us, it was those moment that refueled me and made me feel like it was all worth it, that God was working through me, and that was my life’s desire.


Then there’s the odd “dancing” to the music. What was so familiar about that? Oh, yeah, we looked way more genuine. Lol! Raising our hands, swaying, closing our eyes, singing and calling out our praises to Jesus and speaking in tongues. I never really did the mad dancing and running around the church like my hair was on fire stuff. But I was happy for most of the folks who did. The ones I wasn’t happy for were the ones faking it. Oh my goodness, if that isn’t judgmental…
I remember this one young lady who, like the rest of us, was being pressured into being filled with the Holy Ghost. One night at a church service she went forward to be “blessed” and ended up braking out into a dance while having hands laid on her.
For those who are not failure with this, it’s where the preacher or evangelist or prophet, apostle, elder, pastor, and so on… would put his hands on a persons head and loudly pray over them for various things like being filled with the Holy Ghost, being delivered from this and that, and so on and on. It gets very intense and usually the person being prayed over gets a jolt of “electricity,” hollers out, maybe spins around, and goes to dancin “in the holy ghost while the congregation applauds and yells things and stomps to the off beat of the super loud rythm and hittin the tambourine to the music. Some of the congregation will get the jolt of electricity feeling and either run out to the isle and start dancing or running or they start jerking back and forth threatening the structure of the pew.
So, back to that young lady who started dancin. Later, when we were no longer in the church building and it was just our small group our leader, aka prophet, aka Elder, let into her about fakin it.
Man, I just have to shake my head and pause when I think about this. Not everyone who gets “touched by the holy spirit” is faking, there is this thing called group mentality and a lot of people can be effected by it. Not that it’s actually a spiritual being effecting them, but rather a state of mind. But for those who aren’t affected, well, some feel judged or left out or like they won’t be admired and respected. Thus the faking, and there is a lot of that going on too.
I don’t just feel annoyed by the way that young lady was called out for faking because it’s common to fake it, or just because the person who called her out was using the opportunity to use the incident as a means to dig his claws deeper into our heads, but because letting it all out, wither it’s dancing, running like a crazy person, hollerin out words that are understandable and not understandable is a much better way to get the stress of life out than doing harm. Judging people and calling them out for faking it or doing it wrong, is not okay. Also, I just gotta add, falling on the ground, aka slayn in the spirit, in a place that is well trafficked is just plain stupid. If it really was a good god spirit that was “blessing” you, it wouldn’t lay you out where someone dancing in stilettos might put your eye out, for cryin out loud. So if you’re gonna get touched by the spirit, be it faked or group mentality, as in you might think it’s really the ghost of god, then please proceed with enough of your brain to keep you and others, and the pew, safe from harms way. Thank you.
Back to the trance like dancing while sitting ladies in the video. I remember that sometimes I felt very uncomfortable with what was happening around me. Still, I maintained the “blessed by god” appearance. While singing most of the church songs was fun, raising my hands and really trying to concentrate the Lord Jesus Christ wasn’t. My arms would hurt like crazy, my mind would wander and I would feel so bad about that. It was basically torture. I wanted to please the Lord, but often found myself mentally beating myself up instead. I was sincere, which was the problem. I can understand why those ladies sit there and have poker faces that turn to fake looking smiles as they “dance.” I understand the desire for it all to be real and the mental torture when I fell short. I may not have looked like a Stepford wife, but my mind was trapped just as much as theirs likely is.
Just because they appear to live in affluence doesn’t mean they are happy. To me, they didn’t look genuine. But then again they are from another culture so tale tale signs may be different than what I’m used to. If they really are genuinely happy then that’s wonderful. I doubt it, but I’m okay being wrong.
stepford wives series pic



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Written by Daniel Reid Stadler. 

Some people claim atheist have no morals or atheists are selfish. Here’s my story. I was raised in a Missouri Lutheran Synod household. My uncle is a pastor, his lot in the church is to raise up church attendance. His sermons are some of the best writing I’ve ever read and he can bring an entire congregation to tears or joy in a few minutes. I was fully prepared to follow his footsteps and become a pastor myself because I deeply love humanity and want to help in any way I can. My personal faith, was similar to most people. I felt and believed God was love. And his son, Jesus Christ was the embodiment of love in human form. To be a Christian meant loving everyone and I also believed that if you love something or someone it must be allowed to follow its own path unless it is interfering with someone else. Over the years I’ve also learned about many other religions and most believers feel the same about their God. They may have different beliefs about freedom and personal choice but their God(s) are reflections of their own feelings about the world and humanity. Over the course of my spiritual journey I have come to realize that the Christian God is not a God of love. And that I can be a more loving person if I am honest with myself and everyone around me. I still believe loving your neighbor is the way to live your life. I don’t believe in the stories passed down by religious leaders from 2000+ years ago. I believe in humanity and the goodness everyone has in them at birth. Life can damage a person and change their view but we are all born perfect. As members of humanity we must care for all people especially the children. I care too much to believe a god exists who would allow the suffering I see everyday. If he/she does exist then that deity is not a god of love but is instead a god of pain and suffering. I don’t care how eternal and great the afterlife could be. I wouldn’t stand by and watch the suffering individual people go through and not act. Somehow an all powerful, all knowing, all aware deity allows this because heaven? That’s messed up. In the words of John Lennon, “I just believe in me…. And that’s reality.” I believe I have an obligation to help and show the love I feel for other people. Secular humanism requires caring for others and placing their needs before your own. Not because in the afterlife I will be granted something great. But because it is the right thing to do.

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I keep reading peoples posts and comments on FaceBook saying that though they don’t believe in homosexuality and same sex marriage they don’t judge and that they love their gay friends and family members regardless.

Part of me is glad that at least they aren’t being cruel and are trying to be accommodating. However, what they don’t realize is that by saying they don’t believe in it is just like saying one doesn’t believe in gravity or that there are no people who are hermaphrodites or that the world is flat, or that autism is just an excuse to get free gov aid, etc. Basically they are saying they are ignorant of researched and proven scientific and medical facts.


Pic found on Google Images search.

They don’t understand the body and the chemicals and hormones and so on that make us who we are. They are still stuck on the old idea that homosexuals have a choice to be “straight.” Sure, of course there are some that do have a choice but there are many that do not. Living “straight” goes against who they are inside their mind, and I don’t mean something they made up in their mind, but something that’s been there since birth. It’s who they are from the start.

Those who believe their God is perfect and made us perfectly yet oppose homosexuality are saying God made a mistake. I’m sure by now they would rebut this with how human kind has messed up the environment and the water and air and such and that’s what causes children to be born with a chemical and hormone issue causing them to be homosexual. If that is the case then one must stop referring to their god as kind and loving. He or she would be more of a god that doesn’t interact or really care. Maybe he or she is actually more like the God of the Old Testament and Torah where he’s malevolent and doesn’t mind the slaughter of the innocent.  Cause if a baby is created with and born with what they consider a horrible sin because of the environment, and God is all powerful yet chooses not to give the innocent child a head start on not sinning and avoiding hell then He or She isn’t actually good or kind. Unless ones idea of good is perverted, which is sadly often the case.

(Regarding the malevolent OT god, see Deuteronomy 7 for starters.)

Society has brain washed many folks to believe what is natural is a sin. After all the Bible says that we will also be judged by our thoughts. But many of those so called sinful thoughts are part of us naturally. To hate when offended and harmed, to be jealous when others have what we need or want, to have sexual thoughts when we see something that turns us on, etc, those are feelings we have programmed into our brain wither we like it or not. And if you believe God created us, then either you need to believe those things are not sins unless acted upon in a harmful way or you need to believe that God is imperfect, or that he enjoys insisting that we live a life he made impossible.

Negative thoughts only become “sin” or wrong when they are acted out in a way that harms oneself and or others. If one chooses to hold on to them the negativity can become harmful to their body but the initial feelings are not bad and they are not sinful. There are some feelings and desires that can be lived out without harming anyone. The reason for that is they aren’t actually sinful or bad, they are just seen that way because of all the religious rules man has made up to keep other people in line and obedient. Things like homosexuality, polygamy, open relationships, sex out side of marriage, etc. When it is between consenting adults it is not wrong but often looked at as wrong because that is what man has told us that God said.

(Matthew 7 is one of the places that condemns what people think regardless of their actual actions. And regarding polygamy, according to the Bible it’s only wrong if you are a church leader. I Timothy 3:2 & 12) 

Another thing I am seeing written since the wonderful victory on the side of Freedom allowing same sex marriage in the US is that now the government is gonna allow polygamy and child rape and murder. These are Christians writing this horrible stuff. Thankfully I have plenty of Christian friends who are not so absurd and know how to think clearly. But when I see the awful posts from those who actually think this,  I can’t help but shake my head and wonder what is going on in some peoples heads. It’s disturbing! Why would a person see two consenting adults having a relationship between them as the same as child rape and murder. I want to get mad about this but I have been in their position before and I understand how brain washing works. I believed a lot of strange things that didn’t actually make any sense because I was programmed to believe it. So, I have to calm myself and remember I was there at one time too. I was just as offensive.

Murder and rape and child molestation is a horrible act that needs to be stopped and harshly dealt with. That is obvious unless your a psychopath and you weren’t raised in a good family with someone to teach you right from wrong. But if you are not a psychopath with no training you know those things harm people, it’s pretty simple.

Being in a homosexual relationship or having a few partners or deciding to have sexual relations and not get married and your partner or partners are of age and are aware and approving, then you are not harming them or yourself. You are not murdering anyone, you are not having sex with a child, you are not forcing anyone to do things they don’t want to… This is not murder, this is not rape, this should never be mentioned in the same sentence as murder, rape or child molestation! People who put them in the same sentence and as if the are all the same are using propaganda, manipulation and drama to get a reaction wither they know it or not. Maybe it isn’t even original, maybe they heard it somewhere else and bought into the drama and are just repeating what they heard cause it caused a reaction in them that they want others to feel. Sensation isn’t always the sign of the real thing. Sensation is often a distraction tool.

So when you say you believe that homosexuality is a sin but that you still love and don’t judge your friends and family who are gay, think about how it would feel if many of your friends said they believe being “straight” is a choice and it’s a sin against God, worthy of the eternal torture of hell fire but that they still love you and they don’t judge you. Would you really feel loved? Would you really feel like you weren’t being judged? To make it worse what if they added that though they still loved you your sin of being straight was the same as murder and child rape. Still feel loved?

People can use the Bible to prove that homosexuality is a sin, while other people can use the same Bible to prove it is not a sin. Personally I see the scriptures that say it is a sin. But then again I was raised to see it that way. What it comes down to is how you chose or were programmed to see it. It comes down to you actually having a choice to see it either way and, like me, understand that your view is influenced by how you were taught. So it’s you that has the choice, not the homosexuals. You may have been programmed to see things a certain way, and I know personally how difficult it is to see things differently, but you were not born that way.

Are you strong enough to step away from what you were taught, what you so strongly believe and to actually do some research and learn the facts about homosexuality not just within your Bible but in real time right now medical facts.

And the big question is, … Do you actually LOVE enough to challenge yourself to learn the truth?


Pic I took at the Event for Equality Wausau 2015.

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If you are surrounded with people who accept people the way they are and are not on a mission to “save” everyone and you only believe in the parts of your holy book that promote peace and love, then, you might not know what the “others” are up to.

Quite a few times in the recent past I have posted comments or shared other peoples posts about Christians that were mean, bullying and threatening. There are several reasons I feel compelled to share such things. One is because there are many Christians who don’t actually know what their bothers and sisters in Christ are up to. Another reason is because if the more liberal Christians would wake up and realize what going on out here then they could better speak out against it. Not that all fundamental Christians will listen to them, but some will, and at least the loving peaceful kind will be noticed and it would at least give Christianity a better name. Being silent and doing nothing doesn’t make the world a better place, it just lets the obnoxious loud people get their way.

Another reason is to set some of the lies and deception straight. As someone who was lied to for most her life I find this very important.

I’ve had issues with the Duck Dynasty group for a while now. Not only is it a show I won’t watch but one of their main and respected people, Phil Robertson, has said some things that made my stomach turn. After his indiscretions instead of seeing the show get canceled I started seeing even more Duck Dynasty paraphernalia sold in stores.

Then today I see this article;

‘Duck Dynasty’ star fantasizes about atheist family’s brutal rape and murder to make point about God’s law

Click on the blue words to read and hear what Phil Robertson said. It’s short and disgusting. Or clink on the link bellow to go to the Sound Cloud recording and listen to it.

This man really believes that a person can not be good without God. Even if the Bible was 100% correct, Phil would still be wrong. We have this thing in our minds that I remember learning about as a child. Maybe folks like him didn’t get that lesson. The thing in our head is called a conscience. They even taught us about it in Christian school.

There are some folks with out a conscience and they are called psychopaths. Many of them are what ever popular religion is in their area. While they may be “religious” so they can blend in, some of them are because they were just raised to be.  There are some without religion who have been raised and taught well how to behave in society and not do things that will cause them harm or get in the way of success. Then there are psychopaths who do bad and horrible things. The majority are going to come from the religious world. But yeah, some from the secular world as well. So, even then, with out a conscience and without a god a person can actually still be “good”.

Then there’s also another motivating factor for those who are good challenged. It’s called the law and law enforcement. People in general do not want to be punished and do not want to go to prison and do not want to pay out a lot of money and do not want to be executed.

But there’s more!

Not only do most folks have a conscience and a healthy fear of consequences (in this dimension) but many folks with or with out god have empathy. It’s not a god thing, it’s a built in thing just like the conscience. And if you do believe in a god or gods, then you may believe he or her or they put the conscience and empathy in us. One way or another the average person, believer or not, have those. We can operate without a deity and still use our conscience, still be empathetic, still love, still be kind and so on.

It’s a shame that Phil doesn’t seem to know any atheist type people who do volunteer jobs in his community. Considering where he lives it’s possible he does know a few but they are to afraid to expose themselves. The South still has a long way to come when it comes to prejudice. He obviously doesn’t research the subject or he would find atheist are involved in many compassionate outreaches and many are philanthropist. Just like religious people, some do it for attention and to further their goals, but many more do it because it’s just who they are. Without god(s) they are still loving kind people who care and want to help make the world a better place.

After reading and hearing how Phil summed up his gory disgusting vision of what life must be like or could be like for an atheist it seems he may have realized at least for a split second that he had gone too far, or not. I am referring to when he said, “If it happened to them, they probably would say, ‘Something about this just ain’t right,’”  Really! If anyone, including atheist, had something like that happen to their family to think they would just sit back and think, “hum, something just ain’t right” is insane. Hell no! There would be screaming, crying, panic, a desperate attempt to stop what was happening. It’s as if Phil thinks that atheists minds are empty and void of any emotion.  If someone really believes this they really need to get a psychological diagnoses and medical treatment cause there is something sick going on in their head. No, seriously, I’m not just saying this to be spiteful, well, maybe a little, but really, mental illness is a real issue and there is help out there. Sadly, folks like Phil will not likely seek help for various reasons. I would love to be wrong about him, we shall see. Like Phil, if they keep getting patted on the back and told what a great job they did, why would they seek help? And if they are too proud or too fearful… and so on, well it’s challenging. Also thinking they may be rejected if they admit they have a mental problem stops a lot of folks. This is why we all need to get a better understanding of mental illness and become ready to be supportive and encourage mental health help.

So, now you know more about what the “others” are up to if you didn’t already know. Phil is just one out of many but he does seem to have quite the flare for disgusting drama. Others do as well but not everyone is as famous and well heard. Just ask your friendly well known atheist and they could likely show you quite a lot of messages threatening their life as well as threatening other horrible things. And most of those notes would be from Christians, not the godless.

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A Debate-full Day!                                                                                                                     Started October 16, 2014

Yesterday I took my son to the therapist. While waiting for him in the lobby trying to watch The View a  thirty four year old man walked in and plunked himself into a chair. Some thing about his demeanor told me he was up for chatting. Sure enough he said something to me. I asked him to repeat it and the conversation took off from there.

As much as I love to watch The View I don’t get a lot of face to face time with adults so I decided to value the conversation with the guy over listening to the show. Also, I have it DVR’d at home so I could catch up later anyway.

We talked some about the benefits of our children and ourselves seeing a therapist and things like that. He mentioned something about something Christian which isn’t abnormal. Most folks in these parts are some sort of Christian religion. I’m used to it so it’s not something I react to. It’s just part of life. Well, it was until he pointedly told me he could tell I wasn’t a Christian. He said it like a question. I told him that I had been a hard core Christian for thirty eight years but that now I am an Atheist. His eyes popped out!

I can’t recall the conversation word for word or what subject led to the next subject but there were some things that stood out.

For some reason I felt compelled by something he said to let him know that “God” (as in the Christians God) wasn’t a very kind being and commented all kind of atrocities. I wish I could remember what took the conversation there but at this time I can’t. Naturally he tried to explain how the New Testament was different. I then reminded him that Jesus clearly said he is God and that they are one and that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He then told me that I obviously didn’t believe in the trinity. Of course I don’t believe in the trinity but then again, I don’t believe in God. I didn’t say that to him, I tried to reason on his level. If you believe in the Bible then wither you call it the trinity or not it’s clear that Jesus said he IS God. He got the point and agreed. I brought up that since God murdered thousands of people in the Old Testament, and Jesus is God, so did Jesus. His next explanation for this was that those people had been warned many times as if that was enough reason to commit genocide. I told him “NO!. That was not the case. When Joshua led Israel into battle they were told to kill everyone, men, woman, children and cattle. There was no warning. God told them to do it so they could steal the land for themselves and that is what they did.

He looked a little perplexed so I suggested her reread his Bible. He assured me he reads it everyday.

I don’t recall everything else we talked about regarding religion. I wanted to leave on a more positive note so I told him my wish was for folks of all religions and non-religions to get along and work together to help those in need. He gave me an “are you crazy” kind of look and let me know that it was a strange notion, basically he didn’t believe it could happen. I told him that when I go to Unitarian churches I get to see it happen and it does happen and it is possible. He said something about it being really odd and his face went along with how he felt. Almost like he just bit into a sour pickle. So much for my positive note.


My son was done so I wished him well and we left.

For the record my intentions were not to de-convert this man. If anything I would hope he would be compelled to understand his own religion better and not rely on memorized pat answers. It would be nice if people actually knew what their religion insists they believe instead of just reading the nice verses like a daily inspirational devotion. Daily inspirations may actually do more good but if a person claims a religion they ought to know all about that particular religion. Also, I don’t walk around witnessing to religious folks, I usually keep my mouth shut until they open theirs. Once they introduce a religious topic or try to witness to me then I most likely will accept the invitation to talk religion. I am not ashamed of who I am. It took me too many years and too many experiences to finally come to a place of true mental freedom and self acceptance and self love to just give up and pretend I am something else just to please other people who will only be pleased if they get their way.

When I picked up my kids from school I told them a little about what had taken place. My oldest daughter who is a sophomore in high school told me she too had a religious type debate with her school librarian.

She has a reading assignment and it had to be a true story so she had asked me for a book yesterday. I gave her about seven possibilities. My first recommendation was a book called Acts of Faith by Eboo Patel. It’s a wonderful story about his life when he was younger and why he didn’t become a suicide train bomber and his young adult life starting an organization called Interfaith Youth Corps in Chicago. It’s not complicated or long so it seemed like a good choice for those reasons. She chose it because it seemed shorter then the other books I had.

While she was at the public school library she saw the list of recommended true stories and questioned her librarian about the one called Heaven Is For Real. She asked why it was listed in the true section when it wasn’t actually a true story. The librarian assured her it actually was indeed a true story and asked her if she had read it yet. Her question was more of a challenge. My daughter told her she hadn’t and they got into a debate about wither a child’s vision of heaven should be considered true or fantasy. The librarian ended up trying to talk my daughter into reading the book so my daughter let her know she already had one and showed it to her. After reading the back of Acts of Faith the librarian said it looked very good and it would be a good book to have their at their library. I hope she remembers that and actually gets the book. It is very encouraging and should appeal to people of any religion who actually care about other people in general.

My daughter was still on the “hot” side of this when we arrived home. She kept insisting the book Heaven Is For Real should not be in the true section. I reminded her that all books in the true section can be questionable. I also mentioned that if a public school is going to have a Christian testimony book in it’s library they ought to have other books from other religions and non-religions there as well. Books like David McCafee’s Disproving Christianity and the book that should be coming out soon by Houris Gilgamesh recounting his de-conversion and discussions with other ministers. I have a feeling that would take more then a notion and many folks would be terribly offended even though they have never read those books. If it’s anything other then Christian or Catholic here it’s gonna be judged before read.

I also took the opportunity to go scientific on my kids. Love science! I let them know that there is a part of the brain that can be triggered to hallucinate when one has a near death experience. So assuming people are lying isn’t fair. Though a lot of folks do lie for the glory and attention, some are telling the truth, they really did see the things they said they saw, hallucination or not. To them it’s very real.


(Images found on Google image search.)

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I took Levi to his therapist appointment this afternoon. It was the first time with this particular lady so most of the conversation and questions were between her and me. I was surprised when she asked me what religion we were cause normally the councilors and therapist don’t ask, well, they don’t ask me anyway. I understand the need for her to know so I didn’t mind answering. I told her we were mostly atheist. I explained the reason I used the word mostly was because sometimes Levi says he believes in a god. Then Levi clarified that for me by going into some explanation on how it had to do with Mindcraft and if when he is playing the game has the god Notch (I think that’s the name) in it or not, or something like that.

The therapist then asked me if we were practicing Atheists. Oh my! I’ve heard of people being asked things like that but I didn’t think a professional would ask me such a question. I love the Ricky Garvais quote that fits this, ““Saying atheism is a belief system is like saying not going skiing is a hobby….” And the quote from Common Sense Atheism,* “Calling atheism a religion is like saying that “not-stamp-collecting” is a hobby,…” I still am amused that she asked me that. Inside my head my eyes popped out like a cartoon but I think I kept control of my real eyes and face in real time and answered her as respectfully and kind as I could. I said something about how atheist means one doesn’t believe in gods but it doesn’t mean one doesn’t believe in other “spiritual” things, that it’s different for different people. And, that I felt there was a lot we don’t know and I like science and basically stick with science.


Atheism Belief System Ricky Gervais


*Common Sense Atheism quote found at http://commonsenseatheism.com/?p=131.


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White Light!

It’s a visualization of positive energy. Close your eyes and imagine a candle with a flame. Focus on the flame and there you have it, White Light. You can send it out as healing power or encouragement to friends and loved ones or even enemies you feel the need to bless.


Does it work? Maybe, it certainly is possible and, as atheist normally hate to hear, it’s not something you can disprove. If it is blocked or for some reason doesn’t work, it still does good for the sender. Wither it’s actual positive energy at work or it’s a placebo, the good it does is well worth the simple effort. The mind is a powerful thing!

That’s how my brain works. I love science and a closed rigid mind can not discover. Science is all about exploration and discovery and possibilities.

The trick is to be careful not to harm oneself or others when exploring. That’s why there are rules and proven facts to help guide us. Sometimes those things need to be challenged, but even then one must proceed with caution and use common sense and reasoning while paying attention to hunches and feelings.

A few years back I was in a very dark place mentally. I started learning about the power of being positive and the possible effects of “white Light” and such. I was able to visualize it and send it to those in need with out much effort. I also saw how this sort of thing was the same as prayer and meditation and other forms of sending help from where one was at. This helped me re-accept prayer as a positive thing. The same type of action, the same type of results. Even the sounds many folks make when meditating reminded me of the peaceful and jubilant times I felt in churches when folks were harmonizing in tongues. Again the same positive effects occurred. There was also the scary times. Though I have heard more scary sounding tongues then meditation sounds. It all depends on the heart, mind and intention of the person making the sound. There is scientific studies done on how sounds affect us and they do indeed affect us.

positive a

Not to long ago I realized I lost the ability to visualize the light. I could see a candle, but no flame. This concerned me and I considered talking with some friends about this but kept forgetting to. I figured I had been too negative inside myself and must have fed into my negativity more then my positivity and thus the results. As the old Native American story goes, the wolf I fed the most is the one who grew the strongest. Oops!


I was at the local Goodwill recently and was happy to find a book I have been wanting to read. It was at one time on my own personal mental banned book list. I had seen part of the original film when I was a Christian and deemed it very anti-Christ. Since I have left that ridged and corrupt way of thinking I have wanted to re-check it out. I like reading the books more then seeing the movies so I had really wanted to read it. And, there it was on the Goodwill shelf and brand new looking. Finally I had my own copy of… The Secret!

BOOK - The Secret

I started reading it to my boys as they went to sleep at night. Right away I had this thought that maybe this would help me get my “light” back, boost my positive side. I’ve been reading a few pages to them for a while now and it does seem to be working. I haven’t really thought about, well, giving thought to my words and thoughts and training them to be positive for a long time now.

I want my kids to be happy and successful so of course I want to pass on what I learn to them which makes me responsible to act upon it first. As I talk to them about it I am cementing the ideas in my own head.

While talking to one of my daughters about some of the things I have been reading in The Secret it dawned on me where my lack of light may have done the opposite of spark.

A little over a year ago I gave up on trying to make local friends. I had done every thing I knew how and was able to do to make friends and all I got was very hurt and disappointed. I went into depression for three month and that scared me into taking action so I wouldn’t get depressed again if I could help it. My wall of protection was to temporarily not try to make any friends and to just find happiness in my kids and myself. Sure I would enjoy when someone chatted with me on Facebook or e-mailed and I loved chatting with random people here and there but I had no expectations of any future happenings.

I do believe this is where I started feeding the “wrong wolf’”. I do not have a quick fix recipe for this, but most things worth doing take time. I’m starting off with changing my words and my thoughts to be positive and go from there. I don’t yet have many expectations but in time that should change. Already I feel physically and mentally better. I still have a fear of getting my hopes up but even that is changing. I can’t yet allow myself to expect great things to happen fast, after all I am aware that strong buildings are built brick by brick and not slopped down in a day. But what ever good may come at what ever pace I will be thankful.

By the way, I haven’t even gotten half way through the book yet.



(Side note cut. I may make it it’s own blog later.)


(Pictures found on google search. The add at the bottom is a WordPress thing, not  me.)

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