The Attitude of “You Owe Me.”

“Had a decent day doing the last day of my garage sale. I still didn’t get the garage sold  😉  but I did get some items sold. There were a lot of Mexican families that came by today. One man talked with me for a bit while his wife looked around. Turned out he’s from TJ and not only that but more specifically from San Quinton. I told him I had gone there with a church to bring food, clothes and stuff a long time ago. He said there was only one place like that there and when he was a boy he and his friends would all go there together for aid and a meal. It’s so fun when you meet someone who had taken some of or many of the same paths you have taken.”

That was my FaceBook post yesterday. Though I meant what I said about it being fun to meet people who have traveled the same path I also had  memories come to the surface that weren’t so fun.

The same man also told me how when he was young he would see the giant beautiful homes along the beach and wonder who lived in them. He thought living so close to the beach was scary. People would tell him it was Americans who lived there.

I remembered going to not just San Quinton, (I only did that once) but many many times to various places in TJ with Sister Stamps from Imperial Beach to bring the food and clothes she collected for the TJ poor and to join the services being held at the churches she started there. I remember passing out the food and wishing I could take a bite or the clothes and seeing things I really needed. I was ok with not having any of those items or food cause I knew these people really needed it, but then again so did I.  I had been brought up that no matter how poor or how much pain you are in there is always someone who is worse off. I was brought up to give, not receive. What annoyed me then was the attitude of many of the children and adults we were helping. They often made it clear they knew we were rich and we owed them. Not all of them, but many of them. That’s where it stung.

I am starting to understand now that they were in an environment that fed that mentality. People are more pron to group mentality then they usually know.  I wondered about the man I talked with at my garage sale. I wondered if he had that mentality and if he got out of it or still felt the same way. I didn’t have time to ask him, but I am curious.

I had my own warped mentality as well. What slightly changed me was this one day on the way up to Julian with my then Church (UFHOP), we stopped off at a buffet to eat. I had been well programed to believe my church leader who we called Elder Turner and his wife, Sister Turner, and kids were poor and the ones in need. It’s a common way for ministers to get money, I’m sure you know. But at that time I bought into it heart and soul. I had a job and did all I could to help them and others. So when they told me they were paying for my meal I just wouldn’t accept it, it just couldn’t be. Sister Turner took me aside and told me that when you give you receive blessings and by not allowing them to bless me by paying for my meal I was not allowing them to be blessed by giving. It made sense so I gave in and let them pay for my meal. It was still very uncomfortable but it didn’t kill me after all.

I can’t say that I was cured of being able to take not just receive but I was a step better. I think there was more to it then the way I was raised, I think I was also that way cause I saw too many people with the taker attitude, the “you owe me” one and it repelled me making me go the opposite way.

The “you owe me” thing was in play real heavy when I lived in Camden, Arkansas. Still with UFHOP and Elder Turner and his second wife, also called Sister Turner,  and not only with them but they were in charge of my life, I got a lot of that attitude aimed at me. The Turners didn’t use that attitude, well not in the same way anyways. Theirs was you owe God so you have to pay us tithes and offerings and what ever else our whim and fancy need wither it be your time, your money and your home for.  When someone visited or was new they usually were put in my home. Some of those people had that ugly attitude and even Elder Turner would notice it. He would point it out and preach about it after they left and after they took advantage of me and anyone else they could take from. But there were members who did the same thing. One  was a lady who I considered a friend who we called Sister Alice. Because I considered her a good freind I was ignored her attitude of me owing her cause I was a rich white lady. She was around enough to know I barley had enough for my own family but her cognative defanence kept her from really understanding that. Many of the African Americans living in the Camden area of Arkansas have the mentality that if you are white then you are rich and you owe them.  She was certainly a product of her environment.  It wasn’t about money as much as helping her. I was happy to watch her daughter around the clock on a regular basis but I found it odd that when she watched mine for over an hour (happened vary rarely) she would complain that I was taking advantage of her.  And other things like that. I didn’t want to believe back then how she really saw me. But it really was obvious and in my face.

Though I am still not good at asking for aid I am better at speaking out when there is an injustice not just to others but to myself as well.  And when I do ask and receive I usually have mentally lectured myself first. It helps!

I feel like I am missing something I wanted to say, but it’s summer vacation and I have a house full of children and noise so that will have to do for now.

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Carolina, would you please hold?

When I formulate a plan I like to execute it asap. I think I am this way because I have seen to many plans made and as time went by they were not fulfilled. So if I don’t get to work the odds are something will happen and then nothing will happen.  It’s been fine to be this way but when things don’t work out regardless of my efforts I have to reformulate a new plan quick so I don’t get discouraged and depressed.  I’m also not good at looking forward to nothing.  My future in my mind isn’t sitting back in my own house watching the grand-kids play or even sitting back on the beach sipping margaritas. I do imagine the later one but not as something I would do for the remainder of my earth bound existence.  Sit back on the beach with a Margareta and then later get and do something else.

And yes, I am a bucket list type person. So far I keep the list in my own brain and add to it and adjust as I go. It’s no joke to me either, I take my BL seriously. Just because I may not be able to something right away, doesn’t mean I will erase it,  it remains in a file in my head ready to come out at the right time. A few years ago not being able to do certain activities was depressing to me. I love my kids, I love raising them, but I also wanted to have a life. Many things I want to do must wait till the kids are older. At that time I felt if I waited I would have to be doing them as an old person and I wanted to do them while I was still “not old” and while I had some energy left.  I’ve improved my thinking since then. Part of the improvement came when I decided to stop struggling to raise my kids just right and decided to just enjoy them. That simple discussion took a load off my shoulders and made it easier to enjoy life even if I am not checking things off a bucket list or doing things the way I was brought up to do.

It’s not simple to help my children enjoy their childhood and each one of them will look back with a different opinion. But enjoying them where they are and doing what I can to make them comfortable can actually be fun in it’s own way. For now I still have to wait to do many things on my BL but I’m no longer afraid of the growing old element. The future comes faster then we think it will and it’s possible I could have the same if not more energy when I get there. That’s not something I can know right now. For now I can do what I am able like bettering my nutrition and exercise and feed my mind. Those things could end up making my future one where I can feel and look good after all.

In my last blog called My RV Dream and what’s coming next,  (https://lorenakoran.wordpress.com/2013/07/04/my-rv-dream-and-whats-coming-next/), I wrote about my plans and I was working hard to make them happen. As time went by it started looking more and more like my time line was going to be challenged. I really wanted to get the kids in their new school by the first day. Carolina’s  first day is in the last week of August. I tried hard to keep with the schedule but there’s a point when one must face reality cause reality has been smacking you in the face.

I would have to rent a trailer for our house hold items because the five of us wont fit in the cab of a moving truck. The only trailer I could find so far was a UHaul one and they must know they have the corner on the market cause the rate was about $450. Ouch! At first I figured I could put aside half one month and the other half the other month but that is not the only expense.  Moving in the middle of August would cut terribly into expenses since the rent were I am would still have to be paid.  If I had a free temporary place to stay there the remainder of August it might be possible, but still very tight. There are so many other expenses. I have to have more time to save up the money. Besides summer is always more expensive for our family then the rest of the year. That’s another factor.

I told the kids that we would have to wait to move south and that they would have to start school here and come into their new school late. Kara is the most bummed about not moving right away but as far as going to her new school late she and Hannah aren’t worried about it like I was. That helps.

We still have to move, just locally though. I need to find a cheaper temporary place because we have to be out of our current home by Aug. 31st. Moving into a place that charges less will help a lot with the savings, of course.

Mean while, the kids dad let me know that he doesn’t ever intend to leave Wisconsin. One reason being because his fiance should be here in November and when they are married she can finish collage here in Wisconsen on his GI bill. The other reason is cause he wants to stay in Wisconsen just cause he wants to. So basically he expects the kids and I to suck it up and stay here too even though we don’t want to just because he wants us to. I have tried to get him to see what he is saying looks like but he just goes blank. If he wants to stay and he wants his kids to stay why would we even consider doing something else cause, after all if he wants to stay then it must be the most reasonable thing to do. ?? Though he has told me his kids come first, it seems he comes first. Oh yeah, his education comes first too and his fiance will come second although he said that wouldn’t happen it’s already happening. I don’t really mind him putting himself first and her up there with him, but I do mind that he disregards the kids happiness in order to do so. His excuse at this time is that I am makeing up what the kids want and that they actually really want to stay here. Telling him anything other than that and all I get is a blank stare. I actually don’t believe he is trying to be mean or even selfish. I believe anything other then what makes sense to him just does not compute.  Oh goodie! I get to use my favorite words… Cognitive dissonance.

So, what ever happens, Carolina, would you please hold?  Wisconsen, your people love you, and I am not one of your people. Sorry!

I’ll make the best of the time we have left here. If Prestons kids are his priority then he will see that it isn’t right to expect everyone to give up what they want just to make him comfortable. Honestly though, I believe Preston has the things in his life in compartmental boxes and that makes him comfortable. So his kids are to stay their box in a certain corner of the world and not leave there till they graduate from collage. And then all will be right with his world. But, their mom (me) is not a compartmental box type of person. I was in boxes of sorts most my life living to make others comfortable and I got out and I will not return because to me it’s slavery. I also understand that aspergers plays a heavy hand with his way of thinking, but he is a full grown adult and there is plenty of information and help on the internet and through the medical center and the military that he has no excuse to not better himself and realize the kids and I’s world doesn’t not actually revolve or more like sit around him. Besides, the kids are my responsibility to teach and train, it’s not my place to instruct him. This all sounds so pat and dry maybe even easy to some, but I have a long history of being a people pleaser and although I have come a long way it still tares me up to have to put my foot down on certain things sometimes. I have to talk to myself and remind myself my kids are indeed my priority and not their clueless dad. And gee, maybe he isn’t really clueless, maybe he’s picked up the art of manipulation.  I don’t really know.

Thankfully I have a few friends in Carolina and about two of them so far are willing to help me out with info and one with checking on places. It’s still likely in our not to distant future. Just not as soon as I had originally planned.

 

 

 

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Dylan – A Poem by me

 

Dylan Barmmer is a FaceBook friend and poet. I noticed he is always giving poetry and spreading a positive spirit but I wondered how often folks gave back. While thinking about this of course a poem snapped into my head so I wrote it down, borrowed one of his pics and did my best to give back myself.  Keep up the good work Dylan and don’t let anything take your joy away from you!

 

Per Dylan’s request be sure to check out http://www.wordisborn.net/.

 

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ASD Turbulence Alert! This has to stop!

A while back I had a friend I met on FaceBook from a *ASD group of some sort. She has an Autistic son and I have four children, two of which are in the spectrum. We got along well and chatted when we could. I got the strong impression over time that she herself may have aspergers.

Things started getting very difficult for my friend both at her sons school and for her son on line. Other young people started bullying him terribly. Sadly, this story is not new to us who are in or live with the spectrum, I know.

After some more time went by she started complaining to me that she was being bullied and folks were being very mean to her on other Autism and Aspergers pages on FaceBook as well. I had been on several ASD group pages and never saw any bullying going on so I thought that was so odd and felt bad for her.

Things got so bad for her she deleted her account and later came back on using a different name. The same thing repeated it’s self several times and likely is still going on.

At this time in my life I don’t spend a lot of time on the computer so I also haven’t been active in the ASD groups. The other day I saw a post by a young man in an ASD group asking a question I just happened to have experience with. So I answered his question. Then a whole bunch of other people made comments. Boy was I surprised. I believe I was the only NT who commented, the others were in the spectrum and boy were they mean. Talk about bullying, that was all that was going on. And then to add to it the original guy who asked the question was just as ugly with his words as the others. They batted insults back and forth virtually tearing each other up.

When the whole thing first started there was a lady on there with aspergers who was kind at first and we stared chatting on our own. I let her know that I stopped commenting on that post because they were bullying each other and none of it made any since any more and I knew what ever I would say would be taken apart and used in some ugly manner. So there was no reason to stay in the post conversation. She said she knew I was right, but just couldn’t help herself. I checked a few time out of curiosity and sure enough she was mixed in there and making her own accusations and going off on people.

After seeing more and more posts and their following comments on that group and other ASD groups I realized that this had become a normal part of many ASD groups and this was likely what my friend I mentioned earlier was hurting from. Yet, she too was likely doing the same thing as the other lady and continuously getting involved because she “just couldn’t help it.”

My oldest daughter with aspergers is 15. She is obsessed with Manga and Anime and has many role play groups on FaceBook and such. So far she seems to be doing alright but off and on I hear her complain about the mean bullying type things other members are saying to her. I am sure somethings are just misunderstood, but some are obviously outright words meant to put down and hurt. I tell her to back off when it happens and not respond because it’s what they want. She usually is able to back down after at least two more replies. Which, from what I’ve been seeing isn’t to bad compared to many who can’t back down or back off at all.

I find this self destructive behavior of many ASD folks very sad. ASD’ers are like a minority in a way. They need to stick together and make people respect them and give then equal rights and treatment. But with this squabbling and inner bullying they are going to destroy what so many ASD folks have fought for and spoken out for from the inside. They say they are tired of NT’s bullying them and misunderstanding them but by taking their oppressors negative actions and times it by five and using it against each other they will put off seeing the light of their coveted equal treatment day.

I think one of the problems is that while we are busy educating NT about ASD, the ASD’ers themselves are not being educated about their fellow ASD’ers.

Also, while comforting my kids after being bullied I’ve made sure to tell them that they should indeed stand up for themselves but they should never bully back. There is a difference. I also have talked to them about bullies and let them know that bullies have a reason that they bully. Some of them are being abused and some have mental issues going on and such. Not making it right for them to bully, but so that when my kids stand up for themselves and even defend themselves, they still have an element of compassion inside. It keeps everything on a human level.

*ASD – Autism Spectrum Disorder

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My RV Dream and what’s coming next.

The dream was born right after Chuck and I broke up but I was still living with him in Grand Haven, MI. Thankfully we remained friends. After all we’ve known each other since I was 14 and he was 19.

I was trying to figure out what the kids and I were going to do and somehow the idea of living in a RV hit me. I researched it and found it is actually a common lifestyle for many people who absolutely love it. It’s called full-timing. May full-timers do what is called work-camping. Work-camping is where they get an on-site temporary job at the RV camping place and the parking, water, electricity and dump are provided free to them. Some places even give their work-campers discount tickets to attractions or sometimes even free tickets. There are web-sites and magazines that provide much of the information as to where the jobs are and contacts. I did a lot of digging and learned it was a very family friendly environment and the RV folks look out for each other. A lot of families that are full-timing also either home-school or unschool. Unschooling is quite popular because it just makes sense to teach your children using the area and history of the place you are currently visiting.

All this sounded like a dream, but a possible dream, After all I was raised from the age or ten to nineteen on a sail boat. As far as finances, I would just use my rent money to make payments. I was a bit concerned if I could get a loan because I wasn’t sure how my credit score was.

Preston, my ex who lived in Stevens Point, WI. Came to visit the kids one day and had an offer for me. You see, we had tried living near him for three months prior to living in Grand Haven. However, at that time Preston was rarely any help and made no effort to find fun or interesting things for the kids to do other then sit in his apartment. So, when Preston came to visit this time he told me he had gone through a class and figured some things out and had a change of heart. He wanted to be able to spend more time with his kids. He offered to pay for our move back to Wisconsin and help us out till we got into our own place. He also slipped in that if I tried to do the RV thing he would stop me because it was very dangerous.

Part of this appealed to me because I did want to get a place for the kids and I and I could really use the help. But it also angered me that he would assume the RV dream was dangerous with out doing any research. And that he didn’t care that the kids wanted to do it and they were at a perfect age for such an adventure.

Still, it was time to get our own place. I accepted his offer but with out much expectation. Wither he actually changed or not we had all become very independent of him, including the kids who used to want a “daddy”. So we would be fine with or with out him and had no real expectations from him like we did the last time.

We’ve been living in Plover now, next to Stevens Point, for about 10 months now. A few months back I reopened the RV dream. None of us are happy here and we all miss the dream we once had. I also figured it would be better even for Preston if the kids and I full-timed in an RV cause then we would be tethered to this place for medical and dental appointments and such and come back here often. If we didn’t full-time then we would just leave the state which would mean he would have much further to travel to see them.

As far as his time he spends with the kids now; he takes the boys to Taekwondo at the YMCA two nights a week. Well, mostly any way. Now that it’s summer and he has only one online course so he hasn’t missed any Taekwondo days. When it’s full time school, which he will be in next school semester for another year, he often can’t make certain days and asks me to take them When he does take them I assume they have time together in the car ride there but once there he goes off and sits and studies while they practice. He used to leave the room and go to the entrance to study but Levi was having too many Autism issues so he realized he had to be in the same room with them the whole time.

When we first got here and for quite a while he would take the boys to his grandparents on a Saturday every other weekend or so. The girls went with him the first time or two but there was nothing for them to do there, or so they say, so they have been staying home ever since. The girls along with the boys went to his two bedroom apartment a time or three for dinner but again they decided they didn’t want to go back. The boys didn’t either but I made them go. At Preston’s apartment he has a big screen TV that is hooked up to his computer where he either watched Discovery or the History channel or he does his homework. Sometimes he will put a move he has pre-rocorded on his computer for them. After a long time he finally got some cars and a track loop thing for the boys to play with in the kids bedroom. For beds he has a top bunk bed with a mattress on the floor under it so there are two beds for when the kids stay over. The good thing is Kyle will eat his food, sometimes, and it’s a safe environment.

As far as the girls, they are old enough to stay home and so I let them and he doesn’t even try to get them to come with him. But he has taken on a pouting attitude that since they don’t want to be with him he doesn’t want to help them with the computer and things when they need it. He fails to understand that he is often not a good conversationalist and they are teens (13 and 15) which often are not good conversationalist as well so it’s not always that they don’t want to be with him but they just don’t want to be board and in an awkward feeling situation. Plus there is an aspergers element that also makes things difficult between them. As far as the boys, Levi wants to stay home and Kyle sometimes like going to the grandparents to play outside and with the dogs and cats. He is the one who shows the most affection for his dad. Kyle is a “mans man” and very sociable and loves to make friends with any man he comes in contact with. So, he appreciates and sees his dad on a different level than the other three. However he more recently started suggesting the men who were fun like his swimming instructor and other very young men be my boyfriend or husband. I realize that he would love to have a guy in his life who would rough house with him. Also, the kids used to not like going with their dad because he was much stricter and they never new when he was going to get mad at them for something they didn’t know better about. Thankfully I believe he has relaxed more.

Back to the RV dream. So I started researching again. I stayed in touch with Pat from Kings Campers in Wausau and kept a check on what used RV’s they had coming in. The kids and I took a few RV tours to educate ourselves, which they loved. At one point Pat told us about a very affordable RV that was in the shop to keep an eye out for. I kept in touch with him about it and one day saw on their web site that it was finally on the lot. So two of the kids and I headed to Wausau to see it. When we got to the RV another couple and their kids had already been through it. Their sales man told us that they had called in and placed a hold on it. This really ticked me off since Pat had never mentioned I could do this. I brought it up to Pat who suddenly go that “I just made a big mistake” look on his face. I realized that he must have never actually taken me seriously. Bad sales move! He promised to keep an eye on it and keep me posted in case they didn’t actually buy it, but they did.

I knew Preston was planning on doing something similar to foreclosure on the house we owned in Camden, Arkansas. I gave the house to him on the divorce decree but the bank still considers it both of ours so anything he does with it affects my credit. I figured I should get a move on applying for a loan for the RV before he completely destroyed my credit. At one time he said what he was doing would’nt affect my credit but I had a hard time believing that. I figured I had a little time left so I decided first to see what my credit ratting was on my own and get an idea. It was just barley above 500. Preston had not paid the last two months of mortgage and I had a few credit collection agencies on there. I knew of a few but there were some I didn’t even know about from when I had gone to the hospital way back when I lived in Kalamazoo. I learned that there was no possible way the RV company would finance me. I talked to my bank and my score was below anything they could do for me as well. The lady at the bank referred me to a credit union that often helps folks in my situation with loans. I was glad I visited them even though they couldn’t give me a loan either because the lady I talked to took the time to go over my credit report with me. She let me know that the thing that took my credit rating down so low was the unpaid mortgage. She and others suggest I offer to help Preston make the payments and she suggest we notarize a deal saying when the house sold he would pay me back.

I appreciated her ideas, but I couldn’t afford to help him in that way, but I did think of another way to help him. As much as the kids and I hate the idea of living in Camden, Ar. again we could do it temporarily just to help sell the house. Up until he decided to do a deed and lieu he had Caldwell Realtors helping him either rent or sell the house. The house was going for just under what he owed so I don’t think there was much money for them in it and I may be wrong but I don’t think they were very helpful or even really cared. It’s quite a shame too because it’s a roomy three bedroom house with a huge fenced in back yard and a big front yard, two car garage with storage loft and in a very good neighborhood. There are even pecan trees in the back. But, it’s in Camden Arkansas, not the best town to live in. Kara wasn’t excited about the idea but understood the temporary state of it and was fine with the idea. At first Hannah wasn’t but with promises of being home-schooled and it being for only up to six months rather then up to a year she gave in to the idea as well.

I brought the idea up to Preston. He replied that it was too late, he had already sent the papers in. He also explained that even if it wasn’t to late it would’nt work because the house was no longer livable due to the excess in needs for repairs.

Onto making new plans. There have been times I have to go lay down and try not to think just to give my brain a break. I’ve always been better at last minute rush type things, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need a brain break from time to time. The rush was on though because my lease was coming up at the end of August and the company we rent from requires a two month notice of wither you are staying or leaving. If they don’t get one there is a penalty fee. It was back to the internet searches and talking with my girls about plans and what they have hopes for. I can’t really go over much with the boys because they don’t have a good concept of time and often think that what ever we are talking about or considering we are actually going to do the very next day or with in the week. I do try to bring up things I believe they can handle. I am also aware that what ever I say will be said in one manner or another to their dad. I just hope he brings up anything he may find upsetting to me and takes into consideration that it’s coming from kids. They have unintentionally twisted up facts and added a few of their own before. He has taken them seriously at times and at other times realized it may not be the whole story. Just like anyone would really. I’ve brought up our pending move a few time to him but it seems he is not taking it to heart. Because he enlisted in the military here the kids will be able to go to collage here for free and he is afraid that if we leave the state they will not take up that opportunity. I’ve told him that because the kids get free collage tuition I know that neither of us will offer to pay for collage for them, it’s just not necessary. So, they will likely come back here for collage. He seems to kind of agree. Someone recently pointed out to me that often kids want to go to collage with their friends which may be an issue Preston is considering. In that case if that’s what they want to do they can get a job and pay for it themselves. I think that maybe what bothers Preston about all this is actually that he served over twenty years in the military and he wants to feel like he got something out of it. He hasn’t actually said that to me but that’s what I’m picking up.

My first search as to where we will relocate was naturally my very missed home state, California. My sister lives there in the San Diego area. My old boy friend, Tony, who is still a good friend also live there in the LA area. I don’t mean to be negative but I do go for realistic and I just don’t think either of them would put any great effort into trying to find us an affordable place there to live. That would actually be the only way for us to be able to move there because searching from here everything is terribly out of our price range. Here in Wisconsin I am paying $669 for a decent sized three bedroom two story home. There, if your lucky, you might be able to get a one bedroom for $1000. My mom currently lived in Arkansas, but if she lived in Cali I could count on her to find a crazy deal for a decent place, it’s one of her talents. I do have another old friend there named Kalea who I really believe would be more helpful if she could and would be a lot of fun to live near. I do have many more friends there but they aren’t close anymore and I don’t have much contact with them other then reading a status update now and then. In the past I have let folks know when I was either moving to their area or considering it and that I could use some help in finding a place or even knowing about the area. I have 962 FaceBook friends at this moment, and very few who are actually willing to help. It’s good to know that so that I don’t expect them all to come to my funeral. Lol I don’t expect to be financially helped or anything like that. I just think it’s nice when people can keep an eye out for deals for each other and let you know or tell you what web sites to find events at or even when you’re new to the area to give you a heads up on the events and the places you just have to visit. Moving as many times as I have I have learned that people, including so called friends and neighbors, are not willing to divulge info that may lead to you and your kids to having a great time. I know not every one is like me, a lesson I learn over and over again, but it just seems like a simple and kind thing to do.

Now that I’m done ranting, back to the new plan. As much as I love the Pacific Ocean and miss it, I also love the heat. I’ve never lived in the desert but I loved my visits there. However, the kids aren’t used to such heat and the girls talked me out of it, for now. We really don’t seem to care for the Mid-West or the Southern staates. Missouri isn’t really all that bad and my very best friends live there. However, other then the terrible tornadoes that rip through there they also don’t have much going on in the area of from, TV, movies and the media indusrty. So far everywhere we’ve moved to there wasn’t much in that area so this time I would really like to move some where where in the near future I may be able to start working in the media field some kind of way and get a talent agent.

On that note: My Aunt Shirley who has lived in Chicago for a long time told me that a lot of the movie industries have been moving to the Charlotte area of North Carolina. Plus she recently bought a home near there and her and my Uncle Ralph are slowly moving there and will eventually live there full time. She has gone on and on about how wonderful that area is. My cousin Shawn, her youngest, lives south of there and he has also gone on about how great it is there. I wanted to live near my Aunt several years ago but it didn’t work out so maybe this is my chance again. Though I hope she has many more years to come her health is often so bad I worry she won’t always make it. It would be nice to be near by, the kids and I just love her company. Plus we could hep her out when she needs it that way too. As far as my cousin, I would like to think having family near by would mean automatic friends. His wife sounds lovely and he has kids near my kids ages. But, when I’ve pm’d him on FaceBook and even left him massages on his wall he never responds and his wife still hasn’t accepted my friend request. I did end up calling him not to long ago and he started off sounding suspicious and cold which I’ve never known him to be. It could be because he was at work and not expecting a call. Though I hope they will except us with open arms, I can’t get my hopes up. His son Lucas who is grown also lives there and he seems friendly and a fun open minded person. I believe I may know a few others there as well. So, as you can see, it looks like we are Charlotte NC bound the last day of August.

As far as the beach, well, it’s about three hours east of Charlotte. A bit far but closer than being clear across the continent. I’ve seen the Atlantic but I am not familiar with it. When doing a little google searching I found the movie studios seem to be more coast located. But it seems there is still plenty going on in Charlotte as well.

My next big obstacle is still my low credit score. It’s possible any company owned properties won’t allow me to rent from them with that bad ugly mortgage mark in there. One lady from the office here where I live suggested I write the credit companies and send them a copy of my divorce decree where it states the house is his. It’s worth a try anyway. I have an excellent rental past which serves me well but will it be enough? Time will tell.

One way or another we are moving. I handed in the two month required paper stating that we would not renew for another years lease. I have often asked the kids if they were sure they really wanted to leave the area. After all if they made friends and liked it here I would have us stay. I want them to be happy. But they are itching to go. They do not like their school and I don’t like either of the kids schools here either. It will be nice also to get away from the stinky factory across the road, thankfully it doesn’t stink all the time, and away from the train tracks that often sequel through out the night. Will we stay in our next location indefinitely? I don’t know and I am not worried about it. We can’t RV right now so we will just move and explore the new places till it’s time to move again or to settle in and stay.

As far as my credit rating, when I brought up to Preston that he was wrong about it not affecting my credit he said he never said that but that it would affect it for a year or so. I have come to understand it will likely be more like five years or so. You can’t even get a Habitat for Humanity home with a mortgage issue like that on your credit so unless I can figure some other way around it, we won’t be making any large purchases for a long time.

With that in mind, I do have good news. My Ford Windstar that I bough for $2000 cash near the Kalamazoo area several years ago just for running around town but actual drove it up and down the country several time needed to retire. It was barley stopping when needed and there was so much wrong with it that repairing it would have been quite excessive. It was terribly rusted and had way to many things wrong with it. It got to the point that it seemed rather dangerous to be driving. I knew a regular dealership wouldn’t deal with me so I looked up the web-site that I hear blasting over the radio bragging they will take you with low credit and this deal and that deal. We all know it here as 1 99 ride! But is actually Wausau Auto. I didn’t have a savoy man with me but since I was desperate for a safe vehicle I walked in there knowing I may get ripped off but as long as I drive away with something and can afford the payments, then I would be happy. They took my beat up Windstar, bumper stickers and all, as a trade in and took some money off, made the deals they needed with their bank and I did indeed drive away with a lovely KIA that runs well and is very comfortable with affordable payments. Of course I’ve had to hear some men tell me about how I could have gotten a much better deal and bla bla bla, but they never offered to help and I didn’t know them very well. I’m happy I have it and it runs and the kids are super happy too. I believe if I had waited a week or two longer I may not have been able to get the vehicle because I am under the impression my credit score has dropped even lower. I’m just glad we have something safe to drive.

Sometimes I do worry about taking the kids so far from their dad. But then I just remind myself that when the next semester starts he will be to busy for them anyway. School is his number one priority. It would be better to live near him when the kids are his priority. And in that case he can always move to NC when he is done with his classes. There is a lot of possibilities there for his upcoming degree. Also his brother and family live just three or four miles north of there. Even though it’s still the summer season I am surprised to find he is making little to no effort to spend time with his kids. I hope and think maybe in time he will get a better understanding on how to interact with children, and what to expect from them since they are not actually grown adults and may actually at times act like, well, kids.

Now it’s on to packing and getting ready for the big move day…again. Boy, is the cat gonna be mad!

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