Update on aParently Fandom

I’ve added two more pages to aParently Fandom. From now on most of my manga, anime and fandom type blogs will be posted on the Aparently Fandoms web site.  I will continue to post updates on here from time to time. All my other personal blogs will stay on this site as usual.

 

My response to a rather negative blog.

http://aparentlyfandom.weebly.com/dont-take-the-funloving-out-of-cos-play

 

Adams Story

http://aparentlyfandom.weebly.com/adams-story.html

 

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Happy Memorial Day!

Happy Memorial Day!

I feel odd using the word happy for a day of remembrance for those who died in battle.

I mean, if folks said to me and wrote on my social net work wall, happy anniversary of your dad’s death, every year on the day he passed away I would find that quite odd and maybe even offensive and thoughtless.

Some would say something about them being in a better place or watching over us and so on. If they truly believe that then I would see where using happy wouldn’t be so offensive. Still, it doesn’t always fill the hole the loved one left when they departed. Happy doesn’t always work.

But then you gotta think about those who believe that “unbelievers” go to hell or some other negative place. What about all those people? How can one be happy about that?

And then there’s those who don’t believe in an after life at all. Some could still claim the happy word because they remember their loved one suffering and then being freed from their horrible pain by death. I’m not sure the word happy quite fits though. In any case for those who don’t believe in an  after life I don’t see happy as a choice word. Wither the memory of hero’s fallen in battle brings grief or just feelings of gratefulness I would still think happy isn’t the best description of those feelings.

But, maybe some of the hero’s who lost their life in battle would have wanted their loved ones and friends to get through their grief and live their lives fulfilled and happy. Maybe it’s them who would wish us a happy Memorial day because they paid for it with their blood.

If you think of it like that then Memorial day isn’t just a day of memory but a reminder to live ones whole life to the fullest. To find happiness and thanksgiving in every little thing and to make the most of it. To truly live each day of your life.

So on that note, I wish you all a Happy Memorial Day!

 

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Just being a kid or is there something more.

I’m not saying there isn’t some truth to this poster, but it isn’t just that simple.

My ex was rejected as a kid so he adapted by learning how not to need anyone. Because of this adaption he had a difficult and sometimes impossible time of advancing in the work place which still affects him to this day. More likely now days if he was a kid he would have been diagnosed with aspergers and had more opertunity to be taught how to live in society with social skills that could help him navigate and even master the working world.

 

But back then, before they issued official labels they had the unofficial ones like “socially retarded”, “retard”, “fatso”, “the dumb kid”, “hyper”, “moody”, “stoner”, “creep”, “weird-o”, “demon possessed”, and so on.

 

I understand we as humans have an awful hard time balancing things and in some places the kids are “drugged” instead of teaching them coping skills and life skills. But it’s not everywhere, there are a lot of places that are careful with handing out meds and look for other ways to help the children. But in order to do so they need the diagnoses or labels or they get tangled in red tape and their hands are tied.

 

Three of my four kids have special needs relating to Autism. I’ve been through the bad and the good first hand.

 

It takes time for people to figure out things, get rid of fears, cut through tape and so on.

 

If a school or teacher is drug happy then they need to be called out for it and exposed. It helps if there is more then one parent doing this of course and if there is some kind of legal aid involved.

 

I do agree that there are folks who jump to conclusions when the kids are just being kids. But I also see parents like myself questioning ourselves on wither our child’s actions were related to their mental issue or just because they are a kid. Dealing with a kid acting like a kids as just that is just as important as dealing with a mental issue as a mental issue.

 

As far as the past there are way to many adults on meds today to say it was all better back then.

 

The person who put the poster together used the word disease. They could have used other more appropriate words but the fact that they used “disease” makes it look like propaganda. Using strong words with emotional ties to cause a reaction. Throwing depression in there bothers me too because “back in the day” wasn’t exactly suicide free.

 

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Friday Fun at the Thrift Shop

About two weeks ago I finally got my butt down to the local pantry and became an official volunteer. Though I worked two days there that week my official working day would only be one day a week.

It really is quite a work out. After all I have to show up at noon and stay for two whole hours in the thrift shop. Sorting and tagging clothes is almost unbearable. Lift, hold up, look for stains and rips, lower, if it’s good tag it with a gun, if it’s bad put it in the going out bag, if it’s good hang it up, start all over again. Then sometimes I go to the pantry to tear boxes up. Talk about a work out! Actually the second day I did that I did have sore arms. I know, that’s pathetic. But I have an excuse, it’s CWWW, (cold Wisconsin winter weather). Then there’s the socializing. I’m wore out just thinking about it. Ok, truth is it’s easy and I enjoy it.

The thrift shop part of the pantry uses it’s earnings for the pantry. The prices are kept low because most of the customers come from the pantry so likely they can’t afford a lot. It’s a pretty cool system.

Today at the thrift shop there were quite a few customers. Everyone was friendly and talkative. Maybe the spring almost warm weather is starting to thaw folks out. At one point a customer was telling us about her son’s girlfriend breaking up with her son and blaming her for it. She said the girl blamed her because she felt the mother raised him wrong. I told her that according to *Malcolm Gladwell that wither parents like to hear it or not kids are shaped by who they spend the most time with which would usually be their peers at school. She said she wanted me to write that down and something about making it her Facebook status. Then another shopper kind of cried out that what I said was so true. I though maybe she was speaking in humor but when I looked at her face she was very serious. I said something to her about her understanding what I said and she explained how her son was treat badly all through out his school life and still affected by it today. She looked so sad. It seemed she was surprised to hear someone explain how her and her son felt all these years. We didn’t get to talk about it anymore after that because things in the store were poppin but I hope she takes home a sense of not being alone, that there are people who understand out there.

It’s wonderful to be able to meet needs and touch a soul for good. And no, I didn’t write down what I said for the other lady but I am curious about her Facebook status!

 

The pic on the right is of Kyle and me trying to copy Macklemore. I got the jacket at the pantries thrift shop last winter when I didn’t have a heavy coat and was tired of layering to try to stay warm. It only cost me a couple bucks.

 

*If you want to know the exact quote from Malcolm Gladwell then read The Tipping Point and Outliers: The Story of Success. It’s in one of those books. While you’re at it you may as well read Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. It’s pretty awesome!

Well that’s funny, I posted a picture of Macklemore and I talked about Gladwell in the same blog. Macklemore has a song called Ten Thousand Hours where he talks about Malcolm Gladwell. The Ten Thousand Hours concept comes from Gladwells book Outliers. I just caught what I had done and had to mention it.

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Back to rollerblading…sort of!

I went rollerblading today. Just down the street and part way down the road. I sure am out of shape! Of course I blame the CWWW, (cold Wisconsin winter weather). Yes, I made that acronym up! Thank you very much!

The winter before last I was working out at the gym three to four days a week for an hour or more. I didn’t look any less fat but when summer hit and I stopped working out to me it was quite noticeable when my muscles basically turned to fat. I wasn’t real happy about that.

I did attempt to start rollerblading around the neighborhood. It wasn’t quite as often or as efficient as going to the Y’s gym but it was a start.

Then we had to move and the only place I could find to live under the circumstances we were under was a small town with an expensive gym that is convinced they offer the best deal. Not that there’s any competition. The Y isn’t actually all that far away, it’s about a twenty minute drive. If I had lots of spare gas money I would patronize the place regularly. I had actually signed up but for now I just can’t afford to go that distance.

I know, I know! I have no excuse because I can exercise at home. I am just really bad at that. Before the sun decided to show it’s glorious self here and before we moved down the road I had strategically placed a set of small dumbbells that are I think are five pounds each in my kitchen. I am an out of sight out of mind kind of person so it was important to put them somewhere I couldn’t miss them. It worked well and I used them in the kitchen often. It’s not a full work out like at a gym but it’s better then nothing. Then we moved down the street and they were placed in my bedroom so I forgot about them. Not to long ago I brought them back into the kitchen but I have yet to make a habit of using them. There still is hope!

Lately there hasn’t been many reasons not to go outside and roller blade. I have actually gone down the street on blades with one of my daughters friends. And I have taken several walk with my mom when she visited and so on. So today I talked my lazy feeling body into rollerblading.

I wanted to push myself a little so I put my flip flops in my back pack in case I over did it and needed to walk back. I wore all my gear cause doing roller derby practice in the past taught me you’re never good enough for not wearing gear. Not through tragedy personally but they instill you with the need to protect yourself. Good stuff!

My street is rough and patchy and in many areas rocky but for some reason I thought the road would be much smoother. I’ve driven down it countless times but I never paid attention to it’s condition. The area near my street has a lot of tar patches but I didn’t realize those tar patches weave all over the road way way down. I had bladed down a small patch of it before but this time headed down the road for a while taught me that tar is not fun to blade on.

This is a pic of the street I am referring to.

Then there was the down hill part. It’s not a drastic down hill but when your out of shape everything is slightly drastic. The wind however, came along and decided to help me out a bit. Not that I needed help going down hill but it was a gentle breeze so I couldn’t complain. I thought it would be so nice of the wind if it would reverse direction when I was ready to go back home but no such thing happened. It just kept blowing the wrong way making me finally admit that I am VERY out of shape.

Even though I didn’t go far it was a start in the right direction. Next time I will try the rich peoples neighborhood. Their street is much smoother. And really it all ended well after I got home and took my inhaler.

I cheated a bit here. This is a pic of me in Sept of 2012. Not exactly current. But the only difference is my hair is black. So that should be ok!

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aParently Fandom is here!

 

 

Well, at least it’s kind of here. I am still learning to navigate Weebly and make my own free web site. There’s a lot more work to be done. But you can still check it out and get involved.

aParently Fandom is a new community, or at least it will be a community soon I hope, for parents of children in fandoms. It’s not just for parents really, it’s for anyone who knows someone in fandoms and loves that someone and wants to support them.  It’s also for parents who don’t quite understand and are frustrated, scared and even embarrassed to come and learn more and share and get rid of fears and help their child go on with life as well as go on with life themselves.  It’s also for the people in the fandoms. Who better understands what a fandom kid is thinking then a fandom person themselves. You can’t expect your folks or loved ones to read your mind, sorry!  But you can (nicely) let us know how you feel and why you do what you do and what you’re thinking.

 

Never assume you are the only one who is going through what you are going through. Every one needs someone to understand.

 

The person or persons in your life that are into fandoms may not just be children it can be teens and adults as well.

 

So, I could call it a support group but that’s so overused. I think something like “encouraging group” or “inspirational group” or “the world isn’t actually ending group” or something less used like that.

 

My daughters helped me come up with the name aParently Fandom for the group. Obviously it had to have the word Fandom in it but we got aParently by playing with the words “apparently” and “a patently”.

 

How do you know if your loved one is in a fandom?

Are they obsessed over anything?

Do they talk about and go to or at least try to go to cons? (A con stands for convention. Think of Comic Con and you might get the idea.)

Do they cos play or at least try to or really want to? (Cos play stands for costume play where the person dresses up like characters from their favorite show or game.)

Do they watch the same show over and over and sing all the songs and talk of nothing else and find a way to relate everything to that show?

Do they write fan fiction? (Fan fiction is where fans of the show write their own stories using the show characters and ideas. I’m not sure how that all works legally but many shows love it and encourage it.)

Do they purchase or try to purchase figures, shirts and other fan paraphernalia often?

Do they order or try to order various wigs?

Do they purchase or try to purchase various costumes and or items to make costumes with.

Do they have to have every movie and episode or game of a certain sort and if they think they are gonna get it they become crazed with happiness?

Do all or most of their friends  like the same exact show or shows or game or games? (If they don’t have any friends yet usually attending a con will solve that issue.)

 

 

I’m sure there are many more tale tale signs. I’ll have to dedicate a page to this later on the website. For now if you want to join the aParently Fandom community please click on –     aParently Fandom

 

See you there!

PS! If you are into fandoms please remember to let your folks and friends know about aParently Fandom and get them involved. Please & Thank You!

 

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My Manic Monday

My Manic Monday

The weekend had been full starting Friday. My folks came up to drop off a load and spend time with us. I had already made plans to meet Alan.  Amy insisted I meet him. Amy is a friend from a MeetUp group, she’s a lot of fun and real sweet. We were gonna meet at a MeetUp event but with my folks coming and all it was a game of shuffle till we finally came up with an almost solid plan. Al was very nice and patient with me cause I had to keep altering the plans.

Not only were my folks arriving Friday but Kara’s friend was coming over for the weekend cause her parents were out of town and Kara had a babysitting job that was canceled late the night before. Yeah, it seemed everything was revolving and changing. It was hard to make any solid plans for anything. And to add to it the kids dad was picking up the boys Friday night and was supposed to pick up Hannah Saturday afternoon which didn’t happen but it wasn’t his fault.

Anyway, it all worked out one way or another. I got to spend time with my folks, I got to get to know Al and he’s pretty cool, there was a problem between Hannah and her dad and it still needs to be resolved but mostly things worked out pretty good. And though it was a fun weekend Monday started off as a breath of fresh air.

I intended to take a shower/bath, get quarters at the Pig, start laundry at the laundromat, go to Levi’s school and talk to his Special Ed teacher, go back to the Pig for a few groceries, then finish the laundry. Before I could implement my plan my Baptist neighbor who has visited me before with the intent of witnessing to me stopped by. I didn’t have time to tell her I was busy before she walked into my house and sat her self down. So I chatted with her a while. From my last experience with her I was aware she might not actually leave for a long time so I let her know I had plans which included a shower and she graciously left.

Soon after there was another knock at the door and it was Larry, the maintenance man. He wanted to see my toilet. The seat was broken before we moved in and I’ve had to duct tape it a few times. He got the seat size and had to go to Charlies so my shower/bath had to wait. It is very nice to have a toilet seat that isn’t taped up and poking ones butt. So, I can’t complain even though the gray duct tape was rather retro.

I did still manage to get everything done though I had to pick up the laundry from the dryers after getting the kids from school. But that was fine cause Kyle was excited to spend his two bucks in the vending machines.

When I had been at the Piggly Wiggly earlier I decided it would be nice to have lasagna for dinner. After all we had a partially used big jar of spaghetti sauce that I had already seasoned left in the frig and some ground turkey thawing. I picked up some black olives, cottage cheese, lasagna noodles as well as some gluten free brown rice spaghetti noodles for me. After getting everything done and the kids home I started dinner preparations and realized I forgot to get cheese. Levi wanted to spend money since his brother had so he got his piggy bank and went with me in the pouring rain.

Once back home meal preparation commenced. It turned out I had less spaghetti sauce then I thought I had. I usually rinse the sauce stuck to the sides with wine which tastes great in the sauce but I only had a drop of wine left so I used a berry juice. I figured the worst that could happen was that it would resemble Chef Boyardee in taste since the cans of Chef Boyardee food are usually on the sweet side. Still, there wasn’t quite enough sauce. We like spaghetti with vodka sauce thanks to my friend Chuck who introduced us to it so I asked Hannah what she thought of me putting some white sauce in the lasagna and she thought is sounded good. That did the trick. Can’t have lasagna with too little sauce now can we!

Along side preparing the lasagna I prepared my gluten free version for myself using the gluten free brown rice spaghetti noodles. Since I didn’t have to bake mine it was done first. I had made enough for two meals so I could have some the next afternoon or evening. I was so tempted to not save any because it was totally delicious! But I made myself stop and put the rest up in the frig.

The kids lasagna in the large glass baking pan was finished so I dished up three plates. I left out Kara’s cause she wasn’t feeling well and had fallen asleep. One by one the kids got their plates and one by one they each let me know how terrible it tasted. Although I am not supposed to have gluten at this time I just had to find out how terrible it was for myself so against Kyles concern for my health I tasted his food. It didn’t taste bad to me but after having three of my kids go off about it I thought maybe my taste buds were off.

I was hoping Kara would sleep through the night but she didn’t. So when she got up I insisted she taste the lasagna for me and tell me what she thought. She tasted it and told me it was good. After getting over the shock I told her the other kids said it was terrible. She then told me that Hannah, the first one to let me know how bad it was, told her it wasn’t actually that bad. Those little twerps! See! This is why I don’t like cooking anymore. It’s no fun cooking for people who don’t appreciate the taste of food.

Some folks may be thinking about how they would make their kids eat it. And I have done just that on many occasions. But after hearing three kids in a row say it was bad I thought maybe it really was bad and I wouldn’t want to be made to eat something yucky. So, they got me this time. I wouldn’t mind so much if I had a clue what to do with all the lasagna I still have left. I don’t like to waste things.

I know what I’ll do. I’ll package it up, freeze it for a while and then server it to them later.

 

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Say What?

I took Levi to his therapist appointment this afternoon. It was the first time with this particular lady so most of the conversation and questions were between her and me. I was surprised when she asked me what religion we were cause normally the councilors and therapist don’t ask, well, they don’t ask me anyway. I understand the need for her to know so I didn’t mind answering. I told her we were mostly atheist. I explained the reason I used the word mostly was because sometimes Levi says he believes in a god. Then Levi clarified that for me by going into some explanation on how it had to do with Mindcraft and if when he is playing the game has the god Notch (I think that’s the name) in it or not, or something like that.

The therapist then asked me if we were practicing Atheists. Oh my! I’ve heard of people being asked things like that but I didn’t think a professional would ask me such a question. I love the Ricky Garvais quote that fits this, ““Saying atheism is a belief system is like saying not going skiing is a hobby….” And the quote from Common Sense Atheism,* “Calling atheism a religion is like saying that “not-stamp-collecting” is a hobby,…” I still am amused that she asked me that. Inside my head my eyes popped out like a cartoon but I think I kept control of my real eyes and face in real time and answered her as respectfully and kind as I could. I said something about how atheist means one doesn’t believe in gods but it doesn’t mean one doesn’t believe in other “spiritual” things, that it’s different for different people. And, that I felt there was a lot we don’t know and I like science and basically stick with science.

 

 

*Common Sense Atheism quote found at http://commonsenseatheism.com/?p=131.

 

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Venting time! My bad moment at my daughter school this morning.

I had nothing but praise for my kids current schools. It may be a small town and it may be that we wanted to live somewhere else far from here but up until today it was a big thing to be so pleased with the school system. I’ve also been a teacher cheer leader so to speak. I believe in backing them up and not working against them. If the kids have a complaint that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t look into it but I will with an open mind because I also believe in backing my kids up. Often there are misunderstandings and communication issues. So, what I faced today was completely unexpected.

My daughter needed some field trip money for an end of the grade water-park trip. We really don’t have the extra cash but it’s a big deal so I went to the bank today and pulled out the fifteen bucks. It was going to cost more but some money had been raised so the price was lowered. I went to the school office where the always friendly and welcoming office staff lady greeted me and began looking into wither I had the right amount because I wasn’t a hundred percent certain. She called my daughters home room teacher who didn’t pick up so then she called another number and got my daughters Communications teacher. I’ll call her Mrs. D. Mrs. D let the office staff know that she wanted to talk to me personally. It had something to do with her wanting her students to take responsibility and bring the money in themselves.

I had some time to chat with the lady at the deck and besides chatting about mothers day and the lovely weekend I mentioned to her that I felt the responsibility fell on my shoulders since Kara did ask for the money over and over and over again like she always does about everything. She’s a nagger. She will ask me for crafts this and that and school this and that and food this and that and so on all through out the day till I just shut it off and then sometimes I forget. But then I realized it was still a responsibility issue on Kara’s part because she needed to learn what her actions cause.

Mrs. D arrived at the office and told me that not only did she want Kara to show responsibility by bringing the money and signed form in herself but that there was a chance she wouldn’t be allowed to go anyway. Not only are Kara’s grades not up to par but she had too many absents and tardies. Then she added that there were so many she had already talked to the Vice Principal. We’ll call him Mr. S. She had talked to him about charging us with legal truancy.

Ok, now I’m in shock! I did not see this coming. Moving to this small town has caused a lot of hardship when it comes to medical, dental (including orthodontist) and councilors. It’s a long drive to the bigger city and I try to schedule several appointments there at once so we can afford the gas which means it’s an all day trip. Of course those offices always only have time available during school hours. When we lived closer to the bigger city I could take her to an appointment and then back to school but here to much time has gone by getting there and back. To add to that often she is in a lot of pain after an orthodontist appointment. I admit, at first I wasn’t so good at getting the doctors notices for school but they talked to me about it and I made sure to get them the doctors notes from then on. If I forgot I called the office and had one faxed to the school.

I tried to explain a few thing to Mrs. D and ask her questions but she interrupted me and would never let me finish a sentence. I also asked her why I hadn’t been called first before ever considering a legal action like that but like the other things I tried to say she would interrupt and never answer anything I asked.

I didn’t feel warned or informed, I felt outright threatened.

After Mrs. D was through making sure I knew she wanted me to be charged with legal action I asked to see the Vice Principal because she had mentioned him. Instead of threatening me in the office in front of everyone like Mrs. D did he took me in his office to talk.

I told Mr. S. what Mrs. D. had said. He told me that she had no right to take legal truancy action and that he was the only one allowed to do that. I had told him she said she had gone to him over it but he hadn’t let me finish my sentence so either he didn’t hear me or he already knew what he was going to say so it didn’t matter what I said. Maybe a little of both. I was able to tell him about the appointments and how I have been working on a plan for next year so that Kara doesn’t get pulled out of school so often. This year is almost up so I am trying to think and plan ahead. He nodded in agreement and then proceeded to go over her absent history again. He said that if he had decided to take legal action it would have been done already. He said it a few times and each time added that he was too lenient and really should have already done it. I asked him about getting a hold of me before ever taking any legal action because that seemed the right thing to do. He was never very clear on wither he would do that or not and always ended with how he ought to have already taken the legal action as if he was disappointed in himself. He did mention once that he had sent me a letter about her absences. He never let me reply to that comment. I do recall getting something about it but there was nothing I can recall on the letter about legal action though I may have forgot. There was something I believe about needing doctors notes which I have started supplying before the letter arrived. I mentioned that I would go ahead and cancel any of Kara’s appointment till the end of the school year. He let me know that would be the best thing to do. Since he insisted on making sure I couldn’t finish sentences I was not given the change to explain to him how important Kara’s councilor appointments are to her. Not that it would have made a difference but I would think a good Vice Principal would want to understand his students better.

Though he wasn’t quite as bad as Mrs. D he seemed to have already made his mind up and either cut me off often or didn’t really hear much of what I would try to say. He didn’t come across as threatening as Mrs. D but his words were those of a threat and to shame.

I had tried to tell him that I was working on a plan to make next school year better in this regard and that if I wasn’t successful I would just home school her. I think he slightly nodded but he looked more like he was working on keeping a poker face. He also brought up what the law says about truancy a few times as if he expected me to already know it, as if every parent in that school district memorized all the state laws. Bringing up that I hadn’t actually memorized all the state laws and that I’m not even from this state never was mentioned because by this time he was cutting me off when ever I tried to talk.

In case anyone wonders I did not come at him or Mrs. D like I was attacking them. They had no reason from me personally to be defensive and threatening.

I left there very angry and hurt. Part of me wants to make sure none of my kids go to that school. Levi is already in the same school and in a few years Kyle will be too. I want to make sure they don’t get Mrs. D as a teacher. It’s one thing to be strict but another thing to not be able to communicate with the parents in a phone call or meeting before threatening them with legal action. I am tempted to home school but I don’t really think that is the best option. I think it’s my angry hurt brain trying to fix this. This also brings up all the suppressed feeling of frustration about being stuck in this city and this state that none of the kids and I wanted to live in. Most of the year it’s cold and it can be very lonely. It brings back the feelings of wanting to move somewhere warm and near family, if not at least near civilization. But at this time it’s only painful to entertain those thoughts. I had been doing a good job of making the best of it and finding things to be thankful for. If I let it it could also bring up angry feelings toward the kids dad for putting us in this position in the first place. But I am pushing those thoughts back. I can’t help but wish Mr. S and Mrs. D will one day get to experience what they did to me three fold.

It’s not about the school staff not wanting my daughter to be absent, I don’t want her absent either. After all I was actively working on remedying this issue. It’s about people I had put my trust in to watch over and teach my children, people I had spoken up for and backed and now here they are not even letting me talk, cutting me off before mid-sentence, threatening me with legal court action, not admitting they should call me and have a meeting with me first, and so on. It’s about walking into the school and suddenly finding myself jerked around by a teacher and the Vice Principal with no sign of humanity. It’s also about me working my self to death over being the best parent I can be. Sure I make mistakes but when I learn of them I correct them.

I also find it ironic that Mrs. D is the communications teacher and she didn’t show any signs of knowing how to communicate properly with a students parent.

Shame on them!

 

I know there are many people with way worse school issues then what I’ve brought up here. But this is my blog and I needed to vent. After all Kara is MY daughter. I not only love my kids but they are MY responsibility. And I take that very seriously.

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Happy Mothers Day 2014 poem

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