Panic at the Meltdown

Written on 9/13/2023

I worked early today and it was a pretty easy day for the most part, … except my feet were hurting really bad.

Since I worked earlier I got off earlier and the pain increased and spread up my leg’s and my ribs hurt. Just to clarify, the pain didn’t increase because I got off earlier, I’ve just been under a lot of stress and stress triggers the CFS and Fibro symptoms. It took me a long ass time to get home cause I had to walk at practically a crawling pace.

Not like one of those fast crawling babies like my son Kyle was, he won a Jamba Juice crawling contest once when he was a baby and I got a bunch of free Jamba Juice, it was awesome! Yes, I shared some of them with the kids. Just some of them.

Anyway, more like a slow person in a lot of pain type of crawling pace.

When I got back to the room something set me off and I had a “melt down” of sorts and went off at Kara and Tyler. By going “off” for me it’s just being grumpy and getting upset that the dishes aren’t done or something like that.

I can take a lot and I do take a lot but then it all piles up and Kaboom!

Kara dealt with it by being understanding, washing a few dishes, and going off at Tyler.

Tyler dealt with it by being freaked out and then lecturing me about it.

What I needed, … what I needed was what I’ve always needed when things just get to be too much. I needed empathy and time alone.

But I can’t expect people to just know that so I had to find a way to communicate it. At first it came off more like a bad apology, you know, the kind where a person says they’re sorry and then tells you why they really aren’t sorry and why it’s all someone else’s fault.

I didn’t mean for it to come off that way and eventually Tyler and I came to an understanding, for which I’m thankful. Meanwhile, Kara’s asleep.

I really do not mean to hurt anyone, and I am “sorrowful” for causing harm and discomfort. At the same time I still need compassion and time to heal and understanding. One concept doesn’t always have to negate the other.

I still think we do really well considering the three of us live in very cramped quarters with very little to no privacy. Getting away here isn’t really getting away cause when we leave the room the odds are there will be people and noise, often excessive noise, and so on.

I pay about $60 a day to stay here in this one room, two bed, hotel room with a mini frig, small microwave, small dresser, desk, and a night stand. Sure, for a short time stay that’s a good deal and normally the room would be more like $100 a night but since we’ve been here so long we get the long term managers special and don’t have to pay room tax. But, … it’s $1,800 for a 30 day month. I don’t actually make that much, I pay what I can and eventually get behind and then on the first when I get my pension I use it to catch us up and then it all starts over again.

Being homeless is So Much Work !!! I am not usually in this much pain, some pain, but not this much. I am almost always exhausted. When my friend and sister asked if they could help ease some of the load like with paper work and stuff it felt exhausting even trying to think of how they could help. My friend figured out she could help by printing forms off for me when needed and giving me a ride to the court house when we finally get that going. I haven’t yet got it going.
My sister helped me by trying to figure out which forms I needed to fill out to contest the evection on my record, I’ve never actually been evicted but my record says I have.
I still haven’t gotten any of that stuff done. I feel like I come off as ungrateful but I’m not, I’m just tired and barley able to do the minimum of what I need to do.

On the good side, we did finally complete the course we were require to take to get help from a local organization. So, now all we have to do is fill in the “homework” and send it back. The homework is a bunch of application like forms. I’ve done quite a bit of mine but there’s some things I need to make calls and get the info for and I need to be awake and alert during business’ hours to do that. I think Levi may be done with his. All four of us have to do our own set of forms and turn them in. Then we will get a mentor. We will still need to do the home hunting and there’s some more steps after that.

The housing program isn’t just good for me due to having the false eviction on my record but also the oldest two cause they were evicted from Bethel Place in Arpin, WI, the place where Tyler was verbally and physically assaulted and the place where the landlord took me to eviction court even though I didn’t live there. And it’s good for Levi because he has no credit history. He does have a good rental history now, but most places will judge you by your credit score regardless. So, even if I were to get the false eviction off my record first, the program is something we probably needed regardless. My credit score could certainly be better too. I have to pour all my income into the hotel so, for now, I’m not able to pay my old bills and they have been turned over to creditors.

Why am I telling you all this?

Partly because I want to, and this is my page and you’re not the boss of me!

That was humor in case you didn’t know.

When it comes to writing we can’t expect everyone to know when we’re using humor and that’s okay. I mean, it’s not like I can make a face at you or wink or smile. I’m harping on this cause recently I was belittled for not catching some ones humor online. I think I’d just rather they remove me and block me, but whatever! I guess it showed me their true colors. I’ll never trust them again, for sure! Blah! They are like the taste of ear wax. Belittling people is not okay. Yuck!

I share things somewhat as insight into my life but also because I am never the only one going through what I am going through. Maybe by reading about what I’m going through and how I feel and all will help others with understanding and empathy and compassion towards other people like me. Maybe you can’t help me, but maybe by bettering your understanding you’ll be able to help someone else somewhere down the road. Or maybe you’ll be able to avoid some of the things that have led to my demise or if you are in a similar situation maybe you won’t feel so alone.

For those who wonder, Tyler IS trying to get a job. His last job closed up and left without paying him and even bounced a check that they had given him which has cause a problem with his bank account. Although it’s 2023, autism and type one diabetes are a problem when it comes to decent employment. However, Tyler will find something eventually, I just hope it’s not another place that takes advantage of people or abuses people with disabilities.

Here’s the thing about disabilities and challenges like autism, ADHD, Anxiety disorder, OCD, depression, trauma, even diabetes, & etc., it may not show physically but it often still very much affects a persons ability to have a “normal” life and many people with these conditions depend on a caregiver who is usually not paid to take care of them, like a parent for instance. Many people with mental challenges like those either can not “launch” or take longer. So, when the child support stops and other helpful stuff ends, the parenting job isn’t necessarily over, it just has to be done along with working a job or another job. And if the parent or guardian has a disability or so, it doesn’t matter, well, to some it might, but to people like me I am not going to dump my kids in the gutter and leave them there.

Maybe a GoFundMe will be the answer to all our problems. My mom and friend tried that avenue.
I have had negative results in the raising money area but I thought maybe it’s me, maybe if someone else did it things would be better, I was trying to be positive about it. It’s been around four months now and there have been two very kind people who have donated. I am really thankful for them and for my friend and mom for trying. My sister has gone out of her way to try to help and I am thankful and often feel bad about it cause she has her own family and needs.

It’s usually the folks who don’t have that give the most, I find. Especially weed, I’ve been given “flower” a few time by homeless people now. Sorry, but, they couldn’t afford it but they were good people who wanted to help out another struggling person and that’s all they had to give. There was this one guy who was asking for “a hand out” and gave Tyler his sandwich meat and mini jar of mayo. It was so nice of him!
Yeah, I do that too but I grew up giving so it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I guess it is at least sometimes, it the receiving that always feels like a big deal to me.

I know people with plenty but I don’t think they give a second thought about helping and I wont ask them. I’m not really even sure why, maybe it’s something I should do. I think it may be a flaw. I’m not sure of the psychology here, I’m too tired to think deep right now.

Also, if you’re wondering, yes, I did apply for disability and I was denied. Yes, I plan to keep at it but I haven’t yet, it’s one of the many things I need to do.
I don’t mind working, I often even like it, but my body is so wore out.
When it comes to CFS and fibromyalgia I can’t plan for when I’ll be okay and when I won’t. I can often get an idea but it’s not a set schedule.

I really should be working “from home” and not on my feet but I’m currently doing quite the opposite. I usually like my job but I can feel it taking it’s toll and it’s not good. The longer I do it, the worse things get. Sometimes when I’m working and the fatigue and pain sets in I wish I had one of those devices that Baron Vladimir Harkonnen floats around in. Lol!

I hope you guys have a better day then my evening was. I think the rest of my night will be better. Things change, feelings change, nothing stays the same and for that I am grateful!

Note; Regarding the art, I used an AI generator to do them. I altered a few of them on paint. I understand it is preferred to actually pay real people to do art work but I have no way of being able to pay for that. If I did I certainly would do it. I’d love to take some art courses so I could do my own art without the help of an AI art generator but for now this is what works. You can find my NightCafe AI art page at https://creator.nightcafe.studio/u/LoriRevels . Be sure to check it out and heart the art you like, comment, and Follow! Thanks!

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This was originally written for a family whose son is in the process of being diagnosed with autism.

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Do You Speak Emoji (a lyrical poem)

So,

I’m an Gen X-er, but I get it and I’m “woke AF”, lol! No really! Okay, never mind.

Proceeding forward,

um,

I’m not actually fluent in emoji’s, but I do okay, I guess. I’m not a emoji fan as in I don’t care for emoji plushies, toys and stickers. I love love looove plushies, just not emoji ones. Just wanted to clear that up. But I do like using them to communicate sometimes. (The emojis, not the plushies. I just want to hug the plushies and if I had a lot of money I’d give them away as gifts cause they’re awesome and super soft and cuddly and I can name them George. JK! Lol)

 

Anywho,

the point of this is that the “old” way isn’t always the “right way” or the “best way”, it isn’t always the “wrong way” either. It just isn’t the for “everybody way”. One of the “old ways” that was wrong is that a lot of folks thought “their way” was the “everybody way” and that screwed a lot of folks up. If you disagree, just ask your local pharmacists about it.
I did have trouble communicating most my life, I held a lot in, so I get it. But my journey is a bit different than this one.

I’m happy people have found unique and fun ways to express how they feel and what they want to say.

Some folks are afraid the digital age has cursed us with cyber bullying. I can’t disagree, however, there’s always been bullies, and I’m sorry to say, there will always be bullies just like there will always be heroes. It’s something we have to continually adapt to and figure out as we journey on.

Communicating through social media, VR, gaming, LRP, emoji and symbols, music, songs, lyrics, poems, dance, and so on, is still communicating and is not less if it’s effective.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Do You Speak Emoji
By Lorenakoran  3/19/2020

***

Do you speak emoji
Can you see what I say
Does the pictures touch your heart
In any kind of way

***

I’m the kind that can’t find
The words to express myself
Speaking and writing it out
Was never any help
*
So I sat quietly on the sidelines
A perpetual wallflower at life’s dance
Till this electronic age came along
Giving me a voice, giving me a chance

***

Do you speak emoji
Can you see what I say
Does the pictures touch your heart
In any kind of way

***

The old world worked for some
It was a happy way of life
Now they complain about things 
Saying it’s removed and full of strife
*
But that wasn’t everyone
The unhappy had to be quiet
Not all of us were satisfied
Inside of us was a roaring riot

***

Do you speak emoji
Can you see what I say
Does the pictures touch your heart
In any kind of way

***

So now the tables turned
And people just like me
Have a way to express themselves
Without all the anxiety
*
The Boomer and the X-rs
Don’t seem to understand
Things aren’t necessarily worse
They’re just no longer in their hands. 

***

Do you speak emoji
Can you see what I say
Does the pictures touch your heart
In any kind of way

***

meme me, GIF me, say it any way you can, lip sink, VR, anythings okay
language, obstacles, near or far away, we can communicate cause, we rule the day

So,

Do you

Speak emoji

?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Our Disability Employment Awareness Story.

October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month.

I especially appreciate this awareness because of personal family experiences. Sometimes these awareness may seen trivial or just too many, but no one is asking you to get a degree in each and every issue. They are just asking you to become familiar with it, to have a little understanding, and to not be judgmental toward people you don’t understand. Many mental and physical illnesses and mental and physical differences are not seen so people don’t understand them.

I have children with high functioning Autism and like others like me I sometimes get frustrated with other people who don’t believe my kids are facing challenges because they look “normal”. I am not trying to downplay people with physically obvious disabilities. While things are better for them than when I was a kid, there is still a lot of ground to cover. I’m just writing about my own families personal experiences.

When I say people don’t believe my kids face challenges due to having Autism, I want to explain that it isn’t always someone being obstinate, but often it’s just ignorance. My kids don’t mind telling folks they have Autism, but it’s not something they announce everywhere they go. They don’t have a special mark or a tee shirt with it written on it. So when they act odd or say something socially unacceptable people just assume they are rude, mean and so on.

This is where raising awareness for Autism and other mental and physical comes in handy. If people actually take some time to learn about it, listen to those talking about it and not assume they already know everything, then more folks won’t just to conclusions so quickly.

As a mom of Autistic kids I fail at this from time to time. However, the more I’ve learned about Autism and various mental challenges the more I stop myself before judging and wonder if the person acting oddly has Autism or something unseen they are dealing with. That doesn’t mean I excuse inappropriate behavior, but it does mean I change the way I deal with it. I can point out a problem or correct an issue with kindness and the readiness to learn more about the person.

Many people with high functioning Autism can learn to “act” normal and even come off as neuritypical, aka normal. The rate at which they learn this differs and is more challenging for some then others. Even the ones who have mastered it work harder mentally then they appear. Rather then things coming natural to them they have to mentally work at it.

As a mom knowing the progress of my autistic kids isn’t easy. How they conduct themselves at home, at school, at work, etc can vary. While they may behave well at home, there are so many possible triggers at school and other places which can drastically change their behavior and their ability to maintain calm and keep their manors.

When it comes to working, so many things affect them. For instance Walmart. My daughter was looking for work and a lot of folks brought up Walmart. Problem is, it’s too large, it has big bright florescent lighting. Both issues for her. Often the easy to get jobs have issues like that for people with mental challenges.

My children work with the local job services. The job services provide training classes, sometimes clothes for interviews and so on. They also help their clients find work and if the work place will work with them the services will pay the clients instead of the job place for a certain amount of time. After the time is up the job place can say good bye or hire them on themselves. This way the client gets training, work experience and something to include on their resume.

My oldest daughter, Hannah, now 18, got her first job through the services at Pet Co. It seemed like the perfect place because she loves and is good with animals. They started her off stocking shelves. Over time she began to ask about learning other jobs but they insisted she continue stocking shelves. She did learn about fish but that was because she asked. When the services person came in to check on her progress she heard one of the supervisors tell the services person that Hannah wouldn’t take initiative and do anything else. This of course upset her because she had tried. The job ended when summer was over.

Cotton and Candy. Our hamsters.

The next job the services found for her was at Biggby Coffee Co. It’s a coffee shop like Starbucks but not quite as pricey or high end. Again she was excited about it. Things started off well. The owner told the services person he was very happy with her. He liked that she was artistic and everything seemed peachy.

Now these employers whom the job services are working with are told about what ever disability their are dealing with. However, it has become very clear to us that that doesn’t mean they have any idea what the “disability” entails and that they will inform or even educate their other supervisors and employees about it.

While working at Biggby’s, Hannah didn’t see the owner much. He had several other Biggby’s he owned and spent time at. Most of the time she worked with a young lady I will call Beth. Beth’s older sister was the manager and the managers best friend was either the assistant manager or another employee. Neither of them were there much either.  Mostly when Hannah worked she worked with Beth and no one else.

A cup of coffee I had likely from McD’s.

 

Although my daughter started off with a positive bang, she had trouble learning the various specialty coffees. She learned the simple ones but for some reason the manager got annoyed with her and told her she was not allowed behind the counter. So she spent the rest of her time working there moping and cleaning tables. No one explained to her why and they never told or complained about her to the services.

One particular day Beth was not working so Hannah worked with a young man who had been away for a long time. A rush of people came in and the drive through became full causing a lot of trouble for the young man. Although Hannah was told to not go behind the counter she felt bad for the young man and decided to help by only making the easy drinks she knew how to make. After some time the manager and her friend arrived. They quickly shewed Hannah out of the way. Hannah didn’t have time to put the shot glass she had in her hand down in the correct place so she put it on the near by counter before finding a place to stand that was out of the way across the room. This resulted in either the manager or her friend knocking the glass off the counter and shattering it on the floor.

When Hannah told me what happened I told her to call her services person and tell them what happened right away. When she did the services lady told her not to go back to work and that she would contact them. When the services lady contacted the coffee shop the manager told her that Hannah dropped a glass, got glass in a costumers coffee and tried to serve it to them. I don’t believe the services people believed Hannah at first. But after we met with them in person and Hannah told her side of the story they seemed to be more convinced since her account actually added up.

Regardless of Hannah being wrongfully blamed and treated (like a cleaning maid) there is always something to learn and take from the experience and improve on.  Hannah’s mistake was not contacting the services more often and letting them know about how she was being treated. It’s possible some of the conflict could have been avoided if the services knew that they were not allowing her to work behind the counter. After all, the point of it all is for the clients to learn the different aspects of working at the work place and be taught as well as being helped with improving things like communication, social issues and so on.  As far as Biggby, well, they also should have called the services and kept them informed about Hannah’s progress instead of just having her clean and learn nothing. And maybe hire managers who are not clickie and don’t lie about their free employees and maybe have a owner who regularly attends how to manage people seminars, and so on and so on. Oh and maybe take a few classes or read articles online about autism or what ever mental challenge or disability their employees or free labor people have so they can help them and work with them better. And also teach their managers and supervisors about such things. Thus, the point of this months awareness and this blog.

I may have wrongfully indicated that the manager was “clickie”. She just sounded that way to me. She also lost interest in hiring someone we knew when she learned she knew Hannah. So, maybe I’m right, maybe not.And maybe it just sounds like I’m complaining and venting. Understand that I am using this as a true example of what life is like for people with disabilities in the work place. And I would guess it’s not even the worst story out there.

After Biggby the services found another coffee shop for Hannah to work at. This time it was a privately owned one and the owner and her husband are there working the place themselves. As a mom, I have a hard time knowing when it’s appropriate or not to intervene. I want my daughter to be independent but if things keep failing, then maybe I need to step in minimally. Seeing as the jobs are services paid experimenting with this is probably best now rather then later when she is hired and paid by her employer instead. So I went in on her first day, introduced myself to the owner and asked if she was familiar with autism. She told me her oldest son has autism. Right away I felt a sense of hope.

Hannah has been working there for a while now and so far so good. There was a miscommunication a while ago and the owner talked with the services about it, they talked to Hannah about it and it was cleared up and things were better then ever. They are actually teaching Hannah how to do just about everything. Some things take longer then others and they have been very patient and encouraging. It’s really wonderful to find a place that doesn’t take advantage of the free labor and actually puts time and effort into helping my daughter learn the ropes. I wish this wasn’t so odd. But people really don’t understand how difficult it is for people with various disabilities to get employment, then when they do find employment, to actually keep it.

The more people become aware and educated the more they can help others become aware and educated, the more people with disabilities can find a place in this world and take care of themselves and earn their own dollars and feel empowered. Many of these people have amazing talents to share with us, they often have a divergent way of thinking because their life isn’t normal and that sort of thinking can make huge necessary positive changes and additions to life. But if they are continuously misunderstood, not hired, easily fired, and so on, not only are they missing out and barley surviving, if at all, but so is everyone else.

So educate yourself. Encourage others to do the same. Step up when you see abuse and unfairness around you. Be a light, a beacon to those around you. Awareness is like a indicator light saying, “Hey, attention is needed here!”. And when it comes to people being hired, and not used and fired, there should be an big indicator light blinking because there is much improvement to be had.

My daughter gave me permission to write about her experiences in order to help others. I think what she went through is an excellent example of why there needs to be awareness and how so many people are ignorant of the everyday struggles people like Hannah go through. I hope this will help others to improve themselves as well as reach out to those around them wither in person, online, through media, et cetera.

 

Be sure to join the Facebook awareness event page for Oct. 2016 at https://www.facebook.com/events/1818899638328565/?notif_t=plan_reminder&notif_id=1475290786535584 and let others know about it. It’s an event that is all month long and beyond and it’s located everywhere.

You can help by talking with friends, family, co-workers and people you see here and there. Write about it or share helpful articles on social media and blogs as well as share on vlogs. You can use your Facebook banner a place to post awareness. You can ask for more ideas and information on the above Facebook link and you can get more info from the link below.

For more info from the US Department of Labor and for downloadable material go to https://www.dol.gov/odep/topics/ndeam/.

I made a banner you may use of you like. Here it is for you to copy. –

 

 

 

 

 

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Catchin up with Lori!

Hey Guys!

I’ve been blog gone for a while now and I apologize. I’m not saying I’m “back” but I will try to do better. I still am on Facebook but normally for only brief moments of time. Instagram has been my go-to because I can make quick clips and pics on my phone and keep going. (You can find me there at www.instagram.com/lorenakoran/) But even that apparently has challenges. I learned the hard way that my new Cricket phone has a limited high speed internet thing on it and I used it all up so I couldn’t post Instagram stuff until I paid my bill for the next month. I think I used up my high speed privileges by using YouTube music while driving, which I do a lot of. Oops! I’m not to happy about that. I’m already paying enough for me and my daughters phone services, (Her dad contributes a little for hers, but it still adds up.) I don’t need an added extra charge. I guess I’ll have to start downloading music. Another time consumer and not always free unless you use the free stuff which normally comes with viruses and spam.

So yeah, I have been busy. That’s not new. Hannah has a job that I get to drive her too. I am very proud of her and I want to encourage her and she will pay me for gas when she gets paid. Thankfully it’s not super far away. She got this one through the DVR and Aurora services and we hope the place she is working at will like her and hire her when the allotted time is up. Already it is better then the place DVR placed her in last summer. That place (PetCo) didn’t bother training her but insisted she stalk shelves. Then when her DVR person came in to check on her the manager said she wasn’t taking initiative. Hannah wanted to learn more but they wouldn’t let her! Ug! So, this place she is at now is all about training her. So much better!

Sometimes it’s easy to lose track of the struggles people with aspergers (now just called Autism) go through. When they are “high functioning” there are times it seems they can take on the world. But that just isn’t reality. Just because a person with aspergers turnes 18 doesn’t mean they suddenly have the skills needed to get, maintain and keep a job. Their pace is often slower. Given time they could master the trait and actually do better then anyone else, but not everyone understands they need time to really learn it. Then there’s the days when there is too much stress and they melt down. How may places of employment can understand when someone calls in saying they can’t work that day because they had a melt down. Some folks with ASD wouldn’t be able to even express that. Plus, not many folks really even know what a melt down is and the time it takes to come back from one. Spin around until you can’t stand, then try doing your job. Not only is it very difficult or even impossible, it’s a bad idea. I really appreciate the services out there that are in place for people who have disabilities or mental issues, yet want to work and have the most normal life they can. Yes, sometimes such services are neglectful or take “forever”, but sometimes they pull through and are just what you need.

I’m happy the school year is almost over. I wish it was already over because we are moving next week. As far as the boys, whom I am homeschooling, I plan so far to continue at a slow pace through out summer. I’m glad RVA and my boys RVA teacher are set up for such things. The last two weeks homeschooling has gotten steadily more difficult. Mainly due to my youngest increased melt downs. Since he comes home so depressed from his dads home, Kyle’s therapist and I decided it would be a good idea for me to keep him home on the weekends for about three weeks instead of going to dads to see if things improved. We lasted two weeks. The depression did improve but the melt downs continued to get worse and worse. I believe he is depressed at dads because instead of throwing a fit, crying, saying horrible things and so on he holds it all in. He’s told me many times he is afraid of his dad which is why he “behaves” for him. So, when he gets home he pretty much explodes and has little control over his negative mood and depression. I’ve had several special ed teachers explain to me that often kids are bad for mom because they feel comfortable around her. It sounds wrong, but it’s actually right, as in the right thing to feel.

I have asked his therapist about what I should do in the case of him acting out or trying to act out his threats, (they are usually about himself). He pretty much told me to do what I planned to do which is to take him to the ER. But what I didn’t know is that the ER is trained to handle and refer issues like that to a mental health specialist. Hopefully it won’t come to that but it’s good to know.

The other night I did some research on Kyle’s symptoms. I found they match either a mental psychosis or a bad reaction to the meds he just happens to be on. One way or another it seems his meds are not right for him. He has been refereed to a child psyc next month. It’s a long way away but the alternative is to get one near by and wait a year. Next month already feels like a year away so I don’t mind the drive. One of the many things that sends Kyle into a melt down is his frustration with himself. His OCD is getting out of hand and that will set him off. It’s difficult to have to have to walk on egg shells around him but I also feel so bad for him because he is frustrated and upset with himself.

Then there’s the other kids. I have three older them him. (He’s ten, btw.) They have their own issues to deal with like aspergers, ADHD and Autism. I am relieved they are doing so well. But after having Kyle stay home from dads on the weekends for two weeks I saw them get so stressed out and tired and easily frustrated. It made me think about how it’s not just me that needs the weekend break but they have needed it as well all along. I don’t do favorites, it’s never been something I cared to do or put up with. But, in a way Kyle’s has been treated like a favorite for  a while now. So many things are in place to keep him from going off. Now with things getting worse the other kids have also had to walk on egg shells around him. That is not fair to them. Although it breaks my heart to see Kyle depressed, I have to keep sending him to dads for his siblings sake as well as mine. This evening I did explain the situation to his dad. I encouraged him, again, to see Kyle’s therapist. I told him that possibly the therapist would have some ideas for him to help Kyle not get depressed. I hope I got through this time.

I hope that the appointment for next month will be effective and we can figure out how to make Kyle’s life not just bearable but positive and no longer something he feels frustrated over. I would love to have my baby back. Sometimes I think about when he was a baby and I can’t help but cry cause I miss him. He was the funnest, alert, happy, curious and wonderful little (he really was a little guy) baby. Sometimes I see other people and their adorable happy well behaved baby and I can’t help think about how you just never know what that baby will become. But, then again, I also watch shows like Beautiful Mind and Temple Grandin and I remember that things can change for the better too. Even my own daughter Hannah is comforting when I recall how horribly difficult she was when she was younger and how wonderful of a person she has become now. She was actually a easy teen to raise. We had moments but compared to normal kids she was a jewel. It was before that that we had so much trouble. So, I know, sometimes, that there is hope. And I know for sure I will not give up on Kyle. We will figure it out.

One thing I am very glad about is that we are not still in that horrible cult we had been in. If we were I have no doubt they would be saying my son is demon possessed. The idiot church leader who titled him self a prophet said Hannah was demon possessed and had no clue (from God who he hears from and speaks for, or so he wants people to believe) that she was autistic. Although this is abuse, I must tell you that it’s something which Hannah now takes great pride in. Love her sense of humor!

Haha! Aww! I almost forgot to add, my own health has been challenged. My periods may or may not happen monthly but when they do they last anywhere from three weeks to a month and a half. On top of losing all that blood, I had a blood test done while I was not pms’ing and it showed that I was very anemic as well as some other issues. So, I was told to take iron. (It has to be the Ferrous Sulfate kind and not the “other” kind.) No wonder I was craving rare hamburger. Lol. That was a while ago. I have been feeling a little better as far as energy so it was no surprise today when I got the call from my newer blood test that my blood levels have improved but the doc still wants me on iron. I did have something else that was off so now I need to see a rheumatologist. I had had a lot of tingling and pain in my arms, mostly the right, whenever I tried to go to sleep for quite a while. It’s improved a lot so I haven’t really been thinking about it but I’m sure it’s all related. I also have been diagnosed with RLS. The meds help a lot. I can’t hep but wonder what’s going on and what I will learn and piece together once I get to talk to a professional about it all.

So I gota tell you about the other night, if you’re still reading this. Lol! Kyle continuously wakes me up as long as he is awake. Usually he doesn’t drift off to seep for quite a while. Some nights he zonks right out and some nights he stays awake for a very long time. Usually it’s the in between one and if I let him talk to me he’ll wind down and pass out. However, the other night it was a no sleep night for him. I was dog tired, like usual, and kept passing out. Each time he would wake me. I think most of you know how that feels. It’s quite unpleasant. Anyway, it happened over and over so many times that I finally woke up and jerked at begin startled by the daylight. It was kinda funny.

So, there ya have it. Why I have been internet AWOL.

Now for the move which I am mostly looking forward to it. The trailer we are in now has such tiny rooms and it’s cold in the winter. I don’t know if the house we are moving into will be warm, but it is bigger. Here’s the crazy thing about houses. In each area or state there should be required things in a home. Like in tornado alley all homes (including apartments) should have storm cellars. I have heard California has codes that building have to be built earth quake proof. At least they get it! Here in Wisconsin homes should be required to have mud rooms. All the people in the homes here have big snow boots, big giant jackets, big snow pants, hats and gloves that get wet and so on. A little tiny coat closet or door way can not handle even one persons snow stuff let alone a family of five! Yeah! So, that’s what I think! If you’re gonna build a home here, or an apartment, or even a trailer, for cryin out loud include a mud room!!! Okay, I ranted. Thank you! Lol! Oh, yeah, another think I am looking forward to is not living in a small town with nothing to do in the winter which is most of the time. Moving is a pain in the back, and feet … and I will miss the porch and the neighbors, but, that’s about it. I’m ready to go!

 

On the lighter side, let me tell you about out hamster, Hanz. He’s a little hooligan. I just expect him to die, those little things get tumors and die so easy that I just expect it. This little dude likes to throw me off and appear dead sometimes. Today he was laying sideways on top of his floor stuff and twitching. OMG, really! I said something to Hannah and Levi about it but they are used to his antics and are more pessimistic about it anyway. So Levi calmly says, “touch him”. So I did and he just laid there twitching. So I touched him again. This time he got up and ran away to the other side of his tank. Twerp! Hannah and Levi thought is was so funny that he scared mommy, …again.

Life will get better because we will make it so. I sometimes wonder how friends and folks I know and have met have dealt with and how they have felt going through similar or even worse things then what I am going through with my son right now. I think of them and think they likely have the same thoughts and feelings I have and I understand that there is no way to really understand what it’s like unless you go through it. Yet I don’t wish it on anyone either. Once again I hope that by expressing myself and telling my story maybe it will help people understand at least a little and maybe it will help other parents or care givers like me know they are not alone. While you don’t have to hold on to fairy tales, you do have to hold on to hope. But I must say, fairy tales do provide a temporary escape from time to time. Although it partly pains me to send my son to his dads on the weekends I believe he is in a safe place and it gives me time to do something for myself and as I have recently come to understand, a break for the other kids. I feel very lucky to have this. In the past it wasn’t possible because my other kids were too young and had their own problems I had to be present for. So, as negative as things have gotten there is a ray of light. I read and watch inspirational things when I find myself getting to negative. It helps pull me back up. I also have a mental bucket list and ideas for my future that I can use to look forward to. I finally started a vision board. It took me a long time because I felt seeing pictures and words about what I want to do would be too depressing. But it’s actually not. It’s quite pleasant looking at those pics. I need to do more but at least I got it started.

Hey, come by my Autism, etc page and hit “like” and join the conversation, if there is one, or start one. Just be nice. If you wanna not be nice there’s a ton of other ASD groups that are fine with that. It’s at – https://www.facebook.com/autismrisesabove/.

 

And now for some funny pictures! 

This one is not funny. Lol!

Okay, I’ll stop now. 😉 

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A Tripedia Vaccine Discussion.

Image found on Google Images. 

I screen captured the discussion. Here it is!

Also, if you wish to click on a recommended link or see a posted pic better I re-included those at the bottom so they would be easy to click on and see.

 

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The link I refer to from my friend is at:

Click to access UCM101580.pdf

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Although this immunization is no longer used here is a  list of side effects:

http://www.rxlist.com/tripedia-side-effects-drug-center.htm

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Links mentioned in the comments are:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23063829/

and

Argument by Vaccine Package Inserts – they’re not infallible

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Pictures used in the comments are:

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Acknowledgements: I want to thank the Facebook community called Things anti-vaxers say for providing a place to chat and become smarter. 

I also want to thank the people who commented on my Facebook posts. I took their names out before having the chance to ask them if they wanted to remain nameless. I color coded the block outs so I could keep track. Chantal is the one in brown.

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A few other links you may find useful:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/stevensalzberg/2015/02/01/anti-vaccine-movement-causes-worst-measles-epidemic-in-20-years/#64eb4eca7ef9

http://www.cfr.org/interactives/GH_Vaccine_Map/

http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/GE1407/S00007/northlanders-urged-to-get-vaccinated-against-measles.htm

http://time.com/27308/4-diseases-making-a-comeback-thanks-to-anti-vaxxers/

 

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Dealing With Our Own Reflection – A Vlog by me

I want to get into more vlogging and become more comfortable doing so. I haven’t done a vlog in a while now and I sure had a difficult time doing this one. But I was determined. Gotta start somewhere! I am convinced the next one I do will be better. lol No really! 😉

Also, if you would  subscribe to my YouTube channel I would really appreciate it. I’d really like to get 1,000 plus  subscribers so I could make a few bucks. They won’t do paid ads for channels with under 1,000 subscribers. So, it would certainly be helpful! The kids and I could use a few extra dollars.

Here’s the video –

 

Here are the quotes I read at the end of the vlog.

 

 

 

 

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Anger Management video by Walter E. Jacobson, M.D. – A must watch!

 

I found this video on a Best Ever You page. It brought back memories of my past overcoming yelling.

 

The first memory it brought back was when the kids and I lived in Kalamazoo, MI. I was newly divorced, a single mom of four little ones with no help, a mom of kids with Autism and Aspergers and all that comes with such things. I remember yelling at my kids and being frustrated because the noise would travel back to my own ears and I hated the way I sounded. My mom yelled at my sister and me when we were little. I hated it. I would have rather she just spanked us and gotten it over with. Her spankings were no laughing matter, they stung like crazy but at least it didn’t go on and on with no idea of when it would end. I felt the same way about “lectures”. I was a child so I didn’t understand the psychology behind her frustration and that it wasn’t necessarily us kids that caused it. But still, as an adult, I didn’t want to do that to my kids. Yet there I was, yelling.

I found a way to break myself from it by saying what I was doing, or rather yelling it. When I heard myself yelling I would finish what ever I was yelling with the words, “I’M YELLING!” It sounded very stupid but it made me come to a yelling halt and after a while I broke the yelling habit because of it. I had to reuse this techniques now and then, but it was worth it.

 

More recently I have used what I call my “man voice”. My youngest son responds fast to it. However, it’s an awful lot like yelling. I’m not convinced it’s actually any better. It is however, more controlled. Still, I want to do better.

 

I like what Dr. Jacobson said to use instead. One was to validate the person, calm them and encourage them to listen. But first one must disengage themselves from yelling and the thoughts causing you to yell.  “Stop, look and listen,” “stop, disengage, then look at the facts.”  When you look at the data you can find out what’s causing your frustration. Is it low self esteem, is it insecurity? Do you feel the person you’re yelling at is attacking you or tying to hurt you? Likely they are just being or they seem to be insensitive, cruel and unkind. I think my yelling often comes from fear. But I do sometimes take things personally causing me to react to hurt. When I disengage I quickly realize the people I am frustrated with (usually my kids) are not purposely trying to hurt me. It’s so simple but when one is frustrated and hurt one does not  think clearly.

 

He also mentions how yelling won’t get the message across and you will cause resentment. So true!

 

When he brought up how you should go to your separate corners, go away, then come back it brought up a different memory. I’ve believed in the walk away for a period of time idea. You’re really not gonna get anywhere or solve anything when you and who you are trying to communicate with are angry and frustrated. Walking away and calming ones mind down often works wonders. Then regrouping and going over the issue in a calm manner can produce positive results.

 

My ex was real “good” at walking away when ever we had a miscommunication or disagreement. He viewed all slight disagreements as arguments and would cut the conversation off and walk away. Problem was, when it came to what we were trying to talk about, he never came back. If the subject was brought up again he would cut it off immediately and say we had already disused it and it was not to be mentioned again. So the issues were never correctly solved. Obviously this was a recipe for marriage disaster. I had tried to nicely and kindly bring things that needed to be dealt with back up later but he was always quick to recognize the subject and let me know he wouldn’t allow it. For the record, at that time I didn’t know I was dealing with someone who had aspergers. This is one of the many reasons I do all I can to train and use resources for my kids in the spectrum.

 

Validating some one, calming them, encouraging them to listen, all of those call for patience and time. When you want something done right away those methods will not always work. However, even though yelling may cause immediate response it also causes negative outcomes in the long run. When you love someone you will take the time, you will inconvenience yourself, you will do what it takes. Sometimes we need to have a chat with ourselves on how much we love the person causing us frustration, like our kids. They are worth the time consuming process. Also, as parents we have the opertunity to raise people who have the ability to make the world a better place. Yelling could make the opposite happen. If it’s a co-worker you don’t care for or a idiot on the freeway, it’s still worth the moment it takes to respond with kindness. You don’t know what they are going through. Your yelling could cause them to become even more aggressive and their reaction to your reaction could cause even more harm to others while your kindness could defuse them stooping the negative domino effect. Time is valuable, giving of your time (in a positive way) is love.

 

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Just being a kid or is there something more.

I’m not saying there isn’t some truth to this poster, but it isn’t just that simple.

My ex was rejected as a kid so he adapted by learning how not to need anyone. Because of this adaption he had a difficult and sometimes impossible time of advancing in the work place which still affects him to this day. More likely now days if he was a kid he would have been diagnosed with aspergers and had more opertunity to be taught how to live in society with social skills that could help him navigate and even master the working world.

 

But back then, before they issued official labels they had the unofficial ones like “socially retarded”, “retard”, “fatso”, “the dumb kid”, “hyper”, “moody”, “stoner”, “creep”, “weird-o”, “demon possessed”, and so on.

 

I understand we as humans have an awful hard time balancing things and in some places the kids are “drugged” instead of teaching them coping skills and life skills. But it’s not everywhere, there are a lot of places that are careful with handing out meds and look for other ways to help the children. But in order to do so they need the diagnoses or labels or they get tangled in red tape and their hands are tied.

 

Three of my four kids have special needs relating to Autism. I’ve been through the bad and the good first hand.

 

It takes time for people to figure out things, get rid of fears, cut through tape and so on.

 

If a school or teacher is drug happy then they need to be called out for it and exposed. It helps if there is more then one parent doing this of course and if there is some kind of legal aid involved.

 

I do agree that there are folks who jump to conclusions when the kids are just being kids. But I also see parents like myself questioning ourselves on wither our child’s actions were related to their mental issue or just because they are a kid. Dealing with a kid acting like a kids as just that is just as important as dealing with a mental issue as a mental issue.

 

As far as the past there are way to many adults on meds today to say it was all better back then.

 

The person who put the poster together used the word disease. They could have used other more appropriate words but the fact that they used “disease” makes it look like propaganda. Using strong words with emotional ties to cause a reaction. Throwing depression in there bothers me too because “back in the day” wasn’t exactly suicide free.

 

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aParently Fandom is here!

 

 

Well, at least it’s kind of here. I am still learning to navigate Weebly and make my own free web site. There’s a lot more work to be done. But you can still check it out and get involved.

aParently Fandom is a new community, or at least it will be a community soon I hope, for parents of children in fandoms. It’s not just for parents really, it’s for anyone who knows someone in fandoms and loves that someone and wants to support them.  It’s also for parents who don’t quite understand and are frustrated, scared and even embarrassed to come and learn more and share and get rid of fears and help their child go on with life as well as go on with life themselves.  It’s also for the people in the fandoms. Who better understands what a fandom kid is thinking then a fandom person themselves. You can’t expect your folks or loved ones to read your mind, sorry!  But you can (nicely) let us know how you feel and why you do what you do and what you’re thinking.

 

Never assume you are the only one who is going through what you are going through. Every one needs someone to understand.

 

The person or persons in your life that are into fandoms may not just be children it can be teens and adults as well.

 

So, I could call it a support group but that’s so overused. I think something like “encouraging group” or “inspirational group” or “the world isn’t actually ending group” or something less used like that.

 

My daughters helped me come up with the name aParently Fandom for the group. Obviously it had to have the word Fandom in it but we got aParently by playing with the words “apparently” and “a patently”.

 

How do you know if your loved one is in a fandom?

Are they obsessed over anything?

Do they talk about and go to or at least try to go to cons? (A con stands for convention. Think of Comic Con and you might get the idea.)

Do they cos play or at least try to or really want to? (Cos play stands for costume play where the person dresses up like characters from their favorite show or game.)

Do they watch the same show over and over and sing all the songs and talk of nothing else and find a way to relate everything to that show?

Do they write fan fiction? (Fan fiction is where fans of the show write their own stories using the show characters and ideas. I’m not sure how that all works legally but many shows love it and encourage it.)

Do they purchase or try to purchase figures, shirts and other fan paraphernalia often?

Do they order or try to order various wigs?

Do they purchase or try to purchase various costumes and or items to make costumes with.

Do they have to have every movie and episode or game of a certain sort and if they think they are gonna get it they become crazed with happiness?

Do all or most of their friends  like the same exact show or shows or game or games? (If they don’t have any friends yet usually attending a con will solve that issue.)

 

 

I’m sure there are many more tale tale signs. I’ll have to dedicate a page to this later on the website. For now if you want to join the aParently Fandom community please click on –     aParently Fandom

 

See you there!

PS! If you are into fandoms please remember to let your folks and friends know about aParently Fandom and get them involved. Please & Thank You!

 

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