Hey! I’m back! Hopefully I won’t be gone, or not on here, for so long. It’s hard to say at this point. But I do miss blogging.
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Two weeks ago I was rather depressed. I’m currently on meds for depression so when my doctor asked me about it I told her it was likely worse because I didn’t have any gifts for my kids and it was getting to me.
The next week I was able to accept things and move forward. I was a bit ticked with myself for being so forgetful. I had been meaning to call the Salvation Army and see if they had a gift program for families but two weeks till Christmas was surely far to late. Now a week away I finally remembered to call. The lady that answered told me we had indeed missed the dead line but that tomorrow there was an emergency gift day for those who didn’t get in on the other one.
Hannah went with me the next day. We showed up a few minutes early but were told to come back in an hour. On the way out the door Hannah had an Autism moment, she blurted out something about how the gift were going to be very lame. After throwing a semi silent “shhhhh” conniption fit and explaining why that wasn’t socially acceptable, I told her I just wanted something for the kids to unwrap. Also, that Kara actually told me she didn’t expect much and that she would just enjoy getting something. That made Hannah feel better.
Hannah and I had a nice cup of coffee or something at McD’s then headed back to the Salvation Army. We were given a number and sent to a large waiting area in a chapel. After about ten minutes our number was called. The lady who called our number had been assigned to us. She grabbed a grocery cart and took us to each section that had gifts sorted out by age and told us how many of each thing we could get for each or which kid. Hannah and I were both happy that she was wrong about the gifts. They were actually quite nice.
Then there was the matter of Hannah herself. She had gotten her siblings and me presents but there wasn’t any for her. While at the Salvation Army she spotted a figurine of a character from Zelda and desperately wanted it. She’s really into Zelda right now. I really wanted her to have it too. It took some time but the lady gave in and let her have it. She’s 19 so she’s too old for the gift program. Later I financially caved and let Kara and Levi pick a few things out at the Dollar Tree for their sibs. I also got Hannah a small plushy but what she really liked was the bracelet I made for her. She had actually requested it and gave me the Zelda charms for it but I hadn’t gotten to it till recently. Thankfully she loved how it turned out.
I’ll stop here for a moment and explain something about our family’s history with Christmas. As the Revels family we had our first Christmas about eight or nine years ago. The church, or more correctly, cult, knew of it’s pagan origins so we didn’t celebrate it. Once I got out of that group one might say I over did the holidays. I’m not really all that into them anymore, but I do enjoy some aspects and I do like having presents for the kids on Christmas.
Friday night while driving home I learned that the kids dad had called saying he was bringing Kyle to my house. Kyle’s my youngest. He has DMDD and got out of hand last year so he went to live with his dad. I usually have him ever other weekend and holidays. This last weekend was not my weekend and I was actually going to ask him to take all the kids for the weekend. Something he never does. When he called I presented this opportunity. He said he couldn’t take all four at one time. I took a second to gather my composure than casually told him I’ve done it many times and it’s okay. Then I asked if he would take the younger three to which he agreed. He also said he would take them all to dinner. After the call I wished we had some cookie dough because I was sure my angry frustration would have cooked it. I know my ex though, if he even thinks there is an argument, even if it’s just a disagreement, he’ll walk away or hang up. The matter needed to be dealt with so I didn’t need him doing that. He ended up taking the boys only because Kara threw a fit. Maybe that’s not being fair to her. She does struggle with anxiety and lately it’s been more difficult. Levi tried to get me to come get him from his dads later that night but I wouldn’t. It helped that I didn’t have gas money for it as well.
Sunday my ex called and told me Kyle wanted to spend Christmas at my house and asked if it was okay. I agreed to it. So the boys were dropped off in the evening. Kyle usually has a rough 1st day when he’s home with me. After that it’s usually better. But this time it was over the top, or maybe it was just that he was pushing my buttons so it seemed worse. I know he’s a kid (12) and I don’t expect him to act like an adult. But, I also don’t want to let him get away with things and reinforce bad behavior. Plus, I’m still a human in the middle of all this.
One of the things he kept bringing up was how he knew Levi didn’t have Autism and was faking it. There’s a lot of things I could have said to help him learn but at that moment my mind was blank, it just hurt mentally. He said his dad told him this. His dad might have, but not necessary, I don’t know. He often doesn’t accurately relate things. He was in insult mode and he’s a smart little dude. I had tried a few things including telling him I would have his dad come back to get him if he kept disrespecting me. I haven’t had a good cry in quite a while so I guess it was over due. I ended up finding solitude in the bathroom for a few moments. Mean while the girls decided to call their dad. He hadn’t gotten very far so he was willing to come back and get Kyle. It was then that Kyle humbled down and said sorry. It was heart breaking for me to watch him leave. It seemed there was no right way to handle this. While I was glad to have gifts for the kids for Christmas, I wouldn’t have my little dude. That sucked! Sometimes being a parent sucks.
I’m not giving up on my little dude. Hopefully he’ll be here sometime this week. Also, I plan to help him learn more about Autism.
Next month will likely still be financially challenging because my hours were cut this month affecting this month and the beginning of the next. But the hours are picking back up so things should go smother once I get everything caught up. I’m not blaming Christmas for this, it was just that there isn’t much business at this time of year where I work.
Also, it wasn’t just Christmas getting me down the two weeks prior, there’s been other difficult things going on. Things just piled up. I plan to blog about some of the other things later. I know I’ve been absent here for quite a while. One of the things I want to blog about is part of the reason why I’ve not blogged for so long. So, hopefully soon.
By the way, Sarah Silverman’s episode on Christmas on her show, I Love You America, is very good and worth the watch. It’s a Hulu show. However, on some of her episodes there is languages and other taboo things. Just so you know.
Well, Christmas is about over, Winter Solstice has been over, and the New Year is right around the corner. So, I wish you a happy next couple of weeks!
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Kara helped me buy this tree at the Goodwill for $6. It came already decorated. We added a few more decorations though.
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This is the bracelets I put together for Hannah. Hannah gave me the Zelda charms. I got the bracelet at St. Vinnies along with the earrings I took apart and put on the bracelet.
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